Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Tomorrow night at 6pm, The Kentucky Derby Festival’s Great Steamboat Race, better known as the slowest two hours in sports, will celebrate it’s 54th year of racing one steamboat against some other kind of boat that is not run by steam in the beautiful Ohio River. Two Belles, one of Louisville and one of Cincinnati, have slowly battled it out together in the Ohio River for the last 8 years, but this year they’ll find a new competitor in their midst, former Professional wrestler Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.
The Great Steamboat Race has added new rules and regulations throughout the past years to make the race more entertaining and fair, since boats stopped using steam power like a hundred million years ago. This year they’ve added flair into the mix (not Rick Flair though I understand how that might have been confusing) by adding the highest flying Steamboat of all time.
Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, while considered a newcomer to this type of competition is looking forward to the 7 mile per hour challenge. He explained that while he has never won a Steamboat Race of this magnitude, he has raced against others in the Steamboat family, and was once intercontinental champion, so this shouldn’t be a problem. “I took out Macho Man Randy Savage back in Wrestlemania III, and the two steamboats that were running the race back then still haven’t crossed the finish line, so I’d say I’m the favorite tomorrow night, even though I’m not a very strong swimmer.”