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The University of North Carolina Student-Athlete Handbook

handbook

 


Letter from the Provost


Dear Students,

As UNC’s Executive Vice Chancellor and Provost, I am pleased to welcome you to Chapel Hill as we begin our 2014-15 academic year.

As new and returning UNC students, each of you has already demonstrated mediocre talent, subpar ambition, and a small hint of dedication to academics. As UNC student-athletes, you have also proven your ability to compete at a level just below Duke.

UNC is an exceptional community offering 71 bachelor’s, 107 master’s and 74 doctoral degree programs. The learning that happens in the classrooms on campus is stimulating and rigorous, and you also have a myriad of opportunities to engage in service-based learning, hands-on research, and even international travel that will expose you to real world challenges and fresh perspectives.

If you have zero interest in any of the aforementioned programs and opportunities, I encourage you, a student-athlete, to consider our African and Afro-American studies department. Not only will it maximize your free time on campus, it will land you a GPA higher than P.J. Hairston during a routine traffic stop.

I wish you the greatest success both on and off the field of competition. You win the games; we’ll handle the grades.

Sincerely,

James W. Dean Jr.
Executive Vice Chancellor and Provost


Letter from the Athletic Director


Welcome new and returning athletes!!!!

All of us here in the University of North Carolina athletic department are excited to have you back for another year in Chapel Hill. We are lucky to have you on campus and we can’t wait to see what each of you achieve academically, personally and athletically. As you know, many young men and women would love to be in your position and you should not take the opportunity you’ve been given for granted. Give us your best and the possibilities are endless!

My hope is that all of you have an amazing 2014-15 in your classes and in sport, and my department will always be available to assist you along the way. Get to know everyone in the athletic department to maximize the resources in front of you — and, who knows, we might all be gone in a month! Ha! We’re working tirelessly around the clock to repair our tarnished image, while applying for other jobs in case the NCAA reaper comes. Between us, the end is near for this department! Let’s live it up while we got it!

Go Heels! (For now!)

Bubba Cunningham
Director of Athletics


Mission Statement


The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Department of Athletics’ mission is to sponsor a broad-based athletics program that provides educational and athletics opportunities to allow young men and women to grow, develop, and serve the financial interests of the University. Coaches, working hand-in-hand with tutors, instructors and academic counselors, are fundamental to this process. In keeping with the University’s efforts to offer programs of regional and national acclaim, the Department’s athletics programs strive for competitive excellence within the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) and with other similar institutions. Through its athletics programs, the University seeks to make a boatload of money.


Hear It From A Heel


Julius Peppers, Green Bay Packers
UNC Basketball/Football, 1998-2001

“I didn’t do shit at North Carolina but dominate sports and smash slampieces. Coaches told me to worry about winning and the grades will make themselves. I think I got a B in like seven classes I failed. They faked the hell out of my transcript so I could keep playing. Look it up. UNC had my back.”

 

Rashad McCants, Former NBA Star
UNC Basketball, 2002-2005

“You’re not there to get an education, though they tell you that. You’re there to make revenue for the college. You’re there to put fans in the seats. You’re there to bring prestige to the university by winning games.”

 

 

Tyler Hansbrough, Toronto Rapters
UNC Basketball, 2005-2009

“The player lounge needs new ping-pong tables.”


General Policies


Student-Athlete Transportation

1. Only university employees will be allowed to drive institutional vehicles. No student-athletes are allowed to drive vehicles at any time.

2. Student-athletes will be given flashy rental cars from a third-party.

3. In the event a traffic stop occurs, student-athletes must switch seats with a passenger.

4. Guns inside the vehicle must be dumped at the scene, hidden to the best of the student-athlete’s ability without alerting the police officer(s).

Dress Code

Jordan Brand

“If I see you in them Kobe Bryants, man, I’m gonna cut you right off. I don’t care if your feet kill you, you’re gonna wear them Jordans.” — Michael Jordan to 2011 UNC basketball team

Dining Services

1. Carolina Dining Service provides food services for the Department of Athletics. Meal plans for student-athletes are open to all members of Carolina intercollegiate teams – varsity and junior varsity, male and female.

2. When you use Flex Dollars, you receive an exemption from the 6.75% North Carolina State Tax for purchases at all Carolina Dining locations on prepared food items.

3. DO NOT FEED KENNEDY MEEKS.

Academic Eligibility

Don’t worry. You’re good.


Code of Conduct


As a Tar Heel, I will do what is expected of me to achieve athletic success. I will use my God-given talents and abilities to maximize revenues for the University of North Carolina.

As a Tar Heel,

– I will not make my coursework a priority.

– I will focus on athletics because that is what I am here to do.

– I will not tell anyone about fake classes, fake transcripts, fake diplomas, etc.

– I will accept impermissible benefits. If I don’t, my teammate will.

– I will not lose to Duke.

– I will probably lose to Duke.

– I will absolutely lose to Kentucky.

– I will not enroll in difficult courses and degree programs.

– I will enroll in the bogus “paper classes” recommended to me by coaches and administrators.

– I will not actually attend in any of said bogus “paper classes,” nor will I write papers. I am assigned to a tutor for that.

– I will make the Dean’s List.

 

Go Heels!

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

7 Comments for The University of North Carolina Student-Athlete Handbook



  1. JLP
    8:24 pm December 11, 2014 Permalink

    Not bad, but would have liked to see Tomlin write this piece…



    • theWilkman
      10:00 am December 12, 2014 Permalink

      KSR needs more Tomlin



  2. JLP
    8:30 pm December 11, 2014 Permalink

    You did make me go to Google to see if the Peppers quote was fake or not though.



    • Dusten
      11:12 pm December 11, 2014 Permalink

      HAHA! I did the same thing!!



  3. 25OR624
    7:21 am December 12, 2014 Permalink

    This is brilliant and courageous. Hopefully, both UNC and DUKE fans get a look and a respective furrowed brow and a hearty laugh.



  4. reedieboy
    8:08 am December 12, 2014 Permalink

    I saw this post without seeing who wrote it and after the first paragraph I knew it had to come from Drew. Good work.

    Prayers are with Alex this morning. I thought I was in a bad dream last night when I saw what had happened. While it sucks for us on the court I cant help but think about everything off of the court. For someone to be determined and work so hard to get to where he is is very hard to understand. I guess the good news basketball wise is that he likely will return for what would be his senior season. BBN is behind you



  5. Catsby80
    9:13 am December 12, 2014 Permalink

    Reedieboy… I, too, read the first paragraph of this and scrolled to the top to confirm that this was the work of one Drew Franklin…

    Drew… bravo. The quotes by the notable alumni were by far the best touch. Peppers’ quote gave me quite the chuckle. Wasn’t it Rasheed Wallace who came out and kind of sparked this whole investigation by his comments to some reporter? Would love to see a faux quote from him! haha!

    On a serious note… Definitely feel for AP. Tough news for the kid. It was semi-encouraging to read Cal’s quote that if he doesn’t play again, he will be paid handsomely by the insurance policy. I’m sure he would rather go play in the NBA, but it’s nice that he has a university-provided backup plan.

    If we were at full strength, I would say Cats by 19; however, with the unknowns of Ulis and Booker (and now AP out) I’ll go cats by 12. I see the boys in blue rallying around their brother, AP. GO CATS!