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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly From This Week

WAAAAAAAAAY Up, Riley Curry is blessed to be the best from this week. (USA Today)

WAAAAAAAAAY Up, Riley Curry is blessed to be the best from this week. (USA Today)

WAAAAAAAAAY Up, Riley Curry is blessed to be the best from this week. (USA Today)

The Good

–  It’s a little disheartening to hear South Campus’ Kirwin and Blanding Towers will be left vacant next year, but it’s probably for the best.  For one semester I I roamed the 21st floor of K-Tower, and it was a hell that I will always think of fondly.  We ordered $6 “Student Specials” from Papa John’s, played Super Smash Bros, and played laser tag on the 23rd floor.  I can’t even mention what went on during the B-Tower floor parties.  Most importantly, broken elevators gave me an excuse to start a habit of showing up to class casually late.

Here’s to you Towers, don’t crumble too quickly.

–  The SEC made some serious doll hairs this year, $455 million to be exact.  Each school will get a piece of that pie, $31.07 to be exact.

–  KSR’s Fearless Leader, Matthew Harper Jones, will emcee this year’s Fancy Farm picnic to kick-off the Fall political season.  I’m sure the not-so-subtle jabs thrown around between the politicians will make fighting off the heat worth your while.

–  This week a fan named their newborn “Cauley-Malone Clark.”  I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and place this in “The Good” category, but this poor baby girl is gonna have it rough in middle school.  They couldn’t at least name her “Sammie-Cauley” or do the three first names question, “Will-Sam Clark?”

–  Mrs. and Mr. Tyler Thomspon celebrated three years of marriage this week, a feat that should not be celebrated likely.  Cheers to many, many more.

–  The New Commonwealth Stadium Turf is coming together, piece by piece.

@UKSTOOPSTROOPS

@UKSTOOPSTROOPS

The Bad

–  Two words: Sepp. Blatter. FIFA (which is technically an abbreviation, not a word).

–  The Bulls fired their head coach, Tom Thibodeau, despite having one of the best winning percentages in the league.  The Calipari rumors are inevitable, so strap on your seatbelts and prepare for the BS.  Cal did have a pretty timely response to The Cats Pause, “For me to leave something like this, you’re going to have to uproot me.”

–  You can now get a ticket in the New York City subways for “man spreading” – spreading your legs to take up two seats.  The city that never sleeps is now searching for perps late at night that just can’t keep it together.  Regardless of your disposition, you should probably just stay away from New York City subways.

–  The people from CBS must be insane to open the college football season with Louisvillle.  Seriously, who wants to watch that?

–  A member of John Wall’s crew got him kicked off a flight home from Vegas.  As a person that just started watching Entourage, I can understand someone pulling a “Johnny Drama golf club road rage incident,” but it’s the type of bad pub that makes Colin Cowherd’s mouth run wild.  But hey, it could have been much, much worse.

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–  Ladies’ lingerie in Lexington and Louisville is in danger.  The parade of panty stealing perpetrators has scoured through local Victoria’s Secrets, leaving some employees to worry for their lives.  As a fellow panty raider, I understand the thrilling nature of swiping undershorts, but there are succinct differences: my motive was fraternal, whereas there’s are sinister.  This type of practice is no laughing matter and I urge the panty parade to reconsider their insidious actions.

The Ugly

–  It’s been a couple of days, but I’m still finding it difficult to fathom how you can stab someone in the eye with a fork over the last rib at a barbecue.  As an unofficial expert in deliciousness from the grill – especially when it comes to marinading chicken – I understand what it’s like to put the pork on a pedestal.  I’ve fought to be in the front of lines, I’ve pushed and shoved fat people out of the way, but never EVER have I considered stabbing someone.

Article written by Nick Roush

"Look upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole." @RoushKSR