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Pitino Secretly Wishing That NCAA’s Punishment Involves Whips And Chains

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Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

While the NCAA continues its process to determine how best to punish Rick Pitino over the scandal that broke in 2015, it comes as no surprise that the UofL head coach is secretly hoping for a punishment that includes the use of whips, chains and anything else they’ve got laying around that’s leather. Pitino has already assured the NCAA’s enforcement staff that he’s been rigorously punishing himself through self-flagellation since the news of the allegations, and also before that too.

Throughout the self-imposed punishments, Pitino and the NCAA have maintained an open dialogue on the matter and agreed upon the safe word “cipher” in case one of the two parties feel the punishments begin to cross any boundaries.

Experts say it’s hard to determine what type of punishment the coach will face after new precedents were set last year. Many felt like UNC’s Roy Williams and Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim both received a softcore slap on the wrists for their rule violations. Meanwhile others, including the NCAA, argue that the two veteran coaches received the Cinemaximum punishment for their violations.fifty

One of the lead NCAA investigators explained that he’d like to meet privately with Katina Powell at least one more time, before making a final ruling, “like maybe this Saturday when my wife is heading out of town to visit her sister.”

“It’s becoming such a crazy profession,” tells Pitino. “You got coaches being fired, coaches being suspended and forced out. Look at Larry Brown. There’s a guy who was in the perfect position but still chose to leave S&MU. As far as my situation goes, my hands are tied.”

When asked for a comment on the story, Coach Cal simply stated, “yeah, he seems to like being dominated, for sure.”

For more from Lexington’s top fake news source visit newcirclecircular.com

Article written by Harold Leeder

3 Comments for Pitino Secretly Wishing That NCAA’s Punishment Involves Whips And Chains



  1. krisken63
    8:21 pm July 12, 2016 Permalink

    @harold_leeder. Can’t believe you are writing for KSR. I love it.



  2. Dr. Leo Spaceman
    9:37 pm July 12, 2016 Permalink

    More Harold Leeder plz



  3. wesmorgan1
    10:21 pm July 12, 2016 Permalink

    Does adidas offer a cilice? I mean, they ARE locked into that 5-year deal…