Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Future former Cincinnati Bengal Adam Jones has reportedly finally lost financial backing of his longtime major sponsor, the Atari video game Pac-Man, just hours after his most recent arrest for allegedly assaulting a security guard and allegedly refusing to comply with law enforcement officials.
While he may have asked people to stop calling him Pac-Man back in 2012, he was still financially entangled with the group, and since shedding the nickname had seemingly put his best foot forward with his newfound role in Cincinnati. However, in light of recent events, it seems that the ghosts of his past have stopped blinking and have once again begun chasing him.
Now, many close to Jones are fearful of for his financial future as he’s already begun scrambling to find new sponsorship deals in the hours since his arrest. Sources closest to Jones state he’s hopeful that maybe he could become Space Invader Jones since he’s good at invading people’s space, but he isn’t trying to be picky as he’d even be willing to become Dig-Dug Jones since he keeps digging deeper and deeper holes for himself.
Cincinnati police are hopeful he doesn’t line up any deals with games like Breakout, but they admit Jones could be set up with Pong, as most of their charges seem to bounce right off of him.
Street Fighter II Jones also seems like a good fit, though perhaps using a bit of guile, Street Fighter II made themselves unavailable for comment at press time.