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Missouri Fans Looking Forward To The First Five Minutes Of Basketball They’ve Watched All Year


Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Deep in the heart of the south east, Columbia, Missouri is known for two things and neither of them are basketball fandom. Missouri fans, still coming down from the euphoria of a 4-8 football season, have emerged from their three month sports hibernation to watch tonight’s game vs Kentucky, in what many assume is the home opener for the basketball team.

Attending a “Mizzou” basketball game is like Mardi Gras for basketball, if Mardi Gras was set inside an old church’s auxiliary gym, and only your uncle and youth minister were there. We caught up with Chad, one of Missouri’s biggest (read: only) basketball fans. “Look, we’re the show me state, if you want me to believe we’re playing basketball, you’ve gotta show me. I haven’t seen our games on TV or anything.”

“I’m excited to see the first game of the season here. We’ve all heard of March Madness but it’s cool to see the team early on like this.” Chad continued, “If the game is close I’ll probably stick around to halftime, otherwise I’ll just head out at the under 16 media timeout and go back to the library since it’s only pre-season.”

The fanbase’s only game of the year is a late one, as tipoff is scheduled for 9pm tonight. The late start, and not the terrible play by the tigers, may explain why the University’s marketing for the game encourages students to “Catch some Z’s with MiZZou Basketball.”

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Article written by Harold Leeder