Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
When Lexington voters came to the polls prepared to vote in one of the largest and most divisive elections in recent memory they were thrown a curve ball in the form of the heated Soil And Water Conservation Supervisor race. The race seemed to really rattle even the most prepared citizens. We spoke to a few voters as they left their polling place and tried to come down from that sweet post-voting high we all experience.
“It seemed like there weren’t enough options or something. It said to vote for four but then there were only like two names listed,” said Doug IDontWantToSayMyLastName. “Like I studied, I didn’t know there’d be trick questions though. Guess this is how you rig an election. I tried to look over at my neighbors like Trump did with his wife, but I was the only person voting at my polling station.”
Other people we talked to were just happy to have the opportunity to proudly vote for a woman for the esteemed office of Soil And Water Conservation Supervisor. Amy McManus said, “I voted for those two ladies, and I got a little teary eyed, then I wrote in my friend Gale’s neighbor I think, but after that I didn’t know what to put, even though it said vote for four people.”
Some citizens jumped at the opportunity to write-in some candidates. Todd Ellingsworth told us that “It said vote for four, but there were only 2 names listed so I wrote in Daniel. I hate that guy. If there’s anything that will teach someone not to try to buy drinks for another man’s wife it’s making them serve as a Soil and Water Conservation Supervisor against their will.”
Authorities are currently working on locating Daniel and forcing him to serve his time.
For unprecedented, live, up-to-the-minute coverage of Election 2016 check out New Circle Circular’s Election Center.