Editor’s Note: The following was previously published on The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of Fake News You Can’t Count On.
While it wasn’t the wedding (or groom, for that matter) that Holly Patterson had always dreamed of, the folks down at The Castle Jewelry Store on New Circle Road went above and beyond to save her and new husband Ricky Patterson’s wedding and reception from being a total disaster after a colossal booking blunder by Ricky.
After promising his bride-to-be a storybook ceremony at the perfect venue, Ricky had one job. One job and one job only and that was to book The Castle, in Versailles, for the couple so they could begin their marriage like royalty (except for that already being related part).
“Yeah, it wasn’t really my fault,” claimed Ricky. “I asked Jeeves or Siri or whatever for the number to The Castle, called it, and they said it’d be no problem for us to be there at noon on Saturday. In fact, they assured me there’d be no hassle.”
“Believe it or not, this is a very common mistake,” Tiffany Snowden, Castle Jewelry store manager told us. “In fact, it’s happened so many times, that in the back, we actually keep some extra chairs and Chris Cross, who was recently ordained online, just in case groups need someone to officiate the wedding. His certificate is always available upon request, assuming he remembers his password.”
The former host of the Sports Huddle and guy you thought was still the host on the Sports Huddle until just now, Chris Cross, did a masterful job of making the couple feel special. And by special, we mean they totally didn’t even realize they were in a pawn shop at all.
While multiple members of Holly’s family showed up at The Castle in Versailles expecting an extravagant evening, they managed to make it over to the The Castle Jewelry & Pawn Shop just before dinner was served despite the fact the caterer showed up to the wrong venue as well. A problem that Ricky’s Uncle Terry, the only sober person at the party, was sent to fix.
“That Tiffany chick sent me to go pick up the food at ‘the castle’ on ‘Versailles’ Road,” boasted Terry, “So I jumped in my truck and made it back from the castle in no time with all the sliders everyone could eat.”
“He really saved the day,” added Ricky. “Uncle Terry…nailing it as usual.”
While everything didn’t go exactly as planned, Holly tried to find the cubic zirconia lining in it all. “Well, let’s see. The entire wedding party walked out the door with reconditioned Rolex watches, so that tells you just how good the Castle sales team is. Oh, and my younger sisters were here so they got to see firsthand why you don’t get pregnant before you’re married. So, yeah, I guess there’s that.”