Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Guntown Mountain originally opened in the 1960’s and featured carnival games, gun shows, and both can-can and can’t-can’t dancers. Then, over the last 50 years, the attraction suffered setbacks attributed to vandalism, ownership changes, and Barack Obama. However, in 2016 the current ownership group took over in hopes to restore the theme park to its once majestic glory. Arming themselves with hard work and determination, the group reopened the park a few weeks back to rave reviews.
However, it didn’t take long for Cave City’s western theme park to come under fire. Just two weeks after its grand reopening, some local liberal lawmakers have set their sights on changing its name. “We’re not saying you have to cancel your show here, let’s just take the one problematic part of the cast out, we would like it better if the only tool they’d use for their adventures is a Grappling hook” began Wilson “Buggy” Williams, a tree-hugging representative from Bowling Green. “Let’s make a small compromise. We don’t want to stop glorifying violence or impact the open carry of cap and squirt guns you have, let’s just take the gun part out and call it ‘Town Mountain.'”
Williams claims his request comes from the recoil of a recent ‘scientific study’ which showed that “big game hunters from Guntown Mountain are endangering wildlife at nearby Dinosaur World.”
The owners of Guntown Mountain stood by their current signage. “If we outlaw guns, then only outlaws will have guns,” said a guy that runs a place based around the idea of outlaws having guns.