Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Upon his return home to Los Angeles after watching his son Lonzo Ball and some other UCLA Bruins that no one cares about, fight their way into the sweet 16, Lavar Burton came to a realization, no matter what many NBA superstars might say, the earth isn’t flat.
“I got two pieces of truth for these guys in the NBA, that they might not be ready to hear. You ready? None of them are as good as my son, and the earth isn’t flat. Look I’m not a scientist, I just know what I know, and I know the earth can’t be flat, because it revolves around me.”
The shape of the earth has long been considered an undisputed science fact, however, recently the shape of our planet has been questioned by the likes of both Dr. Shaquille O’Neal and one time temporary Duke student Kyrie Irving.
“Look just like Kyrie and Shaq, I question a lot of what these other so called NASA scientists have to say about our solar system. Personally, I’ve heard a lot of them try and say that the earth revolves around the sun, but I don’t buy it. First of all what do they know anyway? Not one NASA scientist has ever dunked on me, I can promise you that. And most importantly who cares about the sun? I got three sons and they’re all better that that dwarf.”
Ball, the owner of a clothing brand that confuses cost with quality, attempts to break down his interplanetary theory so we can all understand. “I mean I see science projects all the time at my kids schools, and when they make a solar system diagram what to do they use? That’s right A BALL. Mic drop,” he said audibly without a microphone anywhere in sight.