It’s Friday, and, let’s be honest, news has slowed to a crawl in the UK Sports world. So, to keep ourselves from going crazy with boredom, the KSR crew gathered around our virtual roundtable to answer a series of “Would You Rathers” about the Cats, the pandemic, and everything in between.
Would You Rather…
1. Start football season WITHOUT fans in September or WITH fans in November?
TYLER: Without fans in September. I think the SEC will still push to start the season with fans for revenue reasons, but given all of the uncertainty around the coronavirus and when it will be safe to gather in crowds (even in a limited capacity), I think you have to get the ball rolling, even if it means playing in empty stadiums.
NICK: With fans in November. Even though I don’t want to wait for football any longer than anyone else, I am all for embracing the weirdness in sports. When else are we going to have The Masters on an NFL Sunday? Never. Kentucky football in the snow? I’ve never seen that before. The weirder and wilder sports are when they return, the less painful this experience will feel in hindsight.
JACK: Without fans in September, by far. I’m dying for sports, and don’t care how awkward it would be to see games without the excitement of a roaring crowd. At this point, I would probably pay for pay-per-view football games if it meant schools would be able to justify the financial deficit of no fans in the stands. Give me football, and give it to me now.
ZACK: Without fans in September. I’ve already accepted that no fans in stadiums are going to happen and I’m actually interested to see what it might look like at this point. I’m also just not comfortable with putting fans in stadiums before the end of 2020 quite yet.
DREW: I will wait the extra couple months to have butts in seats for the 2020 college football season (although Kentucky’s road schedule will be a lot easier with empty stadiums in Gainesville, Auburn and Knoxville). The players will need those extra months anyway.
2. Be on a Zoom call with John Calipari or Mark Stoops?
TYLER: I think most will say Stoops here, so I’ll make the case for Calipari. Yes, he’ll probably just repeat all his go-to stories and bad jokes, but there’s a better chance he will say or do something goofy than Stoops. Stoops has loosened up with the media a lot in recent years, but I doubt he’d talk about giving his dogs haircuts or the art of picking up their poop.
NICK: Even though I speak with Stoops quite frequently, it’s always in a formal media setting. I’d like to open a bottle of bourbon and pick his brain on some X’s and O’s before asking him Bo Pelini-Vince Marrow Youngstown stories.
JACK: This is a tough call. With Calipari’s typical Zoom calls with the media, there is significant entertainment value and things tend to go off the rails rather quickly. With Stoops, things are usually much more informative and newsworthy, giving us more to write and talk about here at KSR. He’s also pretty darn witty and throws a few solid jokes every once and a while when we get to talk to him, so I’ll go with Stoops.
ZACK: Definitely John Calipari for me. Even though I would never know what he’s trying to tell me, trying to figure out how he got his beard that color would be plenty enough for me.
DREW: Mark Stoops for me. We get enough of Cal (no offense, Cal) and Stoops isn’t as out there in the public eye. Like Nick said, we’ll pour some brown water and I want to know what it was like being at The U when it was The U.
3. Listen to that Wake Forest guy’s radio show or be stuck in a room with a murder hornet?
TYLER: Murder hornet. I’m still bitter I won’t get the time back I spent cutting up the audio from that guy’s show Wednesday night. Plus, murder hornets are mostly interested in bees, not people.
NICK: Easy, murder hornet. I can kill a murder hornet with my shoe. I can’t imagine a world where I would listen to that radio show.
JACK: Murder hornet, by far. That host’s horrible fake radio voice felt like death stings to my ear drums anyway, so at least the hornet would be quiet. Let me suffer in peace.
ZACK: The Wake Forest guy, because when he tries to sting I just laugh.
DREW: Murder hornet.
4. Shotgun a Mountain Dew or transcribe a John Calipari press conference?
TYLER: Mountain Dew, hands down. While Calipari is an incredible coach and a one-of-a-kind character, he cannot put together a coherent thou — I mean, I was like, what do you mean you can’t finish a sentence, and he was like, huh, and I said, this is not your grade school’s spelling bee. This is everyone’s — what’s the famous spelling bee? The one they have on ESPN? Scripps? Yeah, that one.
NICK: If the sugar rush from the Mountain Dew gives me a heart attack, I’ll die happy. I’d like to thank all of the fine folks at Kentucky Sports Radio for never asking me to transcribe Cal’s preseason roundtable. You all are the real MVP’s.
JACK: If you ever want to rip your hair out, go out of your way to transcribe any Calipari press conference. Any of them. Postgame, pregame, mid-week, preseason, any of them. You’ll go mad. Thankfully, the UK Athletics media interns usually spend their time after games and following most media sessions transcribing quotes, and we thank them for it. As horrible as Drew’s experience looked shotgunning that Mountain Dew this morning, I’m all for giving it a shot.
ZACK: Judging from the comments above, transcribing a John Calipari press conference sounds worse than shotgunning 10 mountain dews. I’ll gladly do the single dew.
DREW: I’ve done both for KSR. I wouldn’t wish a preseason Calipari transcript on anyway.
5. Be sacked by Josh Allen or dunked on by Anthony Davis?
TYLER: I would consider both badges of honor, but I’ll go with being dunked on by Davis because I’m not sure my body would recover from a Josh Allen sack.
NICK: There’s no glory in getting dunked on, only shame. I would happily show off the scars left by Josh Allen on my ribcage for years to come. Besides, what’s one more concussion going to hurt?
JACK: I’m getting dunked on by Davis all day, every day, At worst, I’m taking the charge and hurting my self esteem. With Allen – arguably the greatest pass-rusher in Kentucky football history – he’d take great joy in putting my face in the dirt and likely laugh about it after. Giving up two points or taking a beating? I’ll take the former.
ZACK: I’ve been dunked on before (not by Anthony Davis, unfortunately), and I will accept that emotional bullying over the physical beating that would come with being sacked by Josh Allen’s upper body any day of the week.
DREW: I have a bad back and I walk like I’m 80 years old. A Josh Allen sack might kill me.