Let’s face it: the Kentucky/Florida football series is as lopsided as game of darts with Stevie Wonder. Kentucky’s 26-game losing streak ain’t pretty, and it certainly isn’t fun to talk about. Yet, if there’s anything Kentucky football fans have learned over the years, it’s finding humor in even the darkest places. Gainesville has given us some pretty great villains in both basketball and football over the years, and while we may be historically inferior on the gridiron, we are professionals in hating. Therefore, here are some great villains in Kentucky/Florida history:
When I sat down to write this list, Noah’s name was the first to fly off my fingers. I had planned to keep this post primarily football, but Noah’s awfulness transcends sport. From the hair, to the goofy facial expressions, to the lame chest pounds, to the annoying fact that he’s actually pretty good at basketball, Noah is the perfect villain. It’s as though Victor Frankenstein created him. Just look at him. How much money did it take to convince that hot lady to hang out with him in the sand?
Ahh, the hair that spawned the Rupp Arena chant to end all Rupp Arena chants. Has anyone drawn the ire of the UK student section more than Matt Walsh? Like Noah, he has that goofy hair, which was only made more ridiculous by that headband he insisted on wearing. It’s like he knew it would make it look even worse. I can’t say “Walsh is ga-ay” is the most creative or P.C. chant the student section came up with, but man, the arena embraced it like a long-lost friend.
Back in 1993, when the losing streak was only six years old, Kentucky had Florida beat. That is, until Danny Wuerffel found Chris Doering in the end zone for a touchdown with 17 seconds left. That heartbreaking loss, coupled with the Steve Spurrier era, may be what really started Kentucky’s mental block against the Gators. Speaking of…
Spurrier may coach South Carolina now, but he’ll always be a Gator to me. Spurrier was an All-American at Florida, won the Heisman, and coached the Gators for eleven years, making them into a dominant SEC power. To this day, the Ole Ball Coach especially likes to beat up on Kentucky, and is famous for showing no mercy, running up the score and smirking his little smirk on the sidelines. Kentucky finally snapped the Spurrier streak against South Carolina a few years ago, but the beatings he gave Kentucky over the years (73-7…really, Steve? Really?) will never be forgotten.
That Swaying Thing They Do Before The Fourth Quarter
It’s officially called “We Are the Boys from Old Florida,” but I call it one of the most annoying in-game traditions in the world, right behind “Rocky Top.” You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, your football-loving grandfather has seen it: Florida fans lock arms and sway back and forth at the end of the third quarter, singing the silly song with puffed out chests and happy tears in their eyes. Considering the fact that every time I’ve seen them do it, they’ve been winning, it just seems mean.
We get it. It looks like an alligator is chomping its teeth. It also makes you look like you’re not all there in the head. (Except for that time Marshall Henderson did it. That was funny.)
The Legend of Gatorade commercial
Does anyone really care where Gatorade was invented? The Legend of Gatorade commercial, all drenched in Two Bits and orange and blue, just seems excessive. Are you seriously trying to tell me that Florida is good at football because of a sugary sports drink? Child please. Most people only drink it when they’re hungover, anyways. #TeamWaterBoy
No one destroyed Kentucky quite like Trey Burton. In 2010, Burton scored six touchdowns against the Cats in one game, breaking Tim Tebow’s school record of five. I’m pretty sure Mychal Bailey still has nightmares about it.
There’s nothing more to really say about Tebow–ESPN has said it all–but there’s no denying that he torched the Cats every year he played them, right up until Taylor Wyndham gave him a concussion his senior year. I like to think that started Taylor Wyndham’s transformation from nice, sweet young man to monster:
Teddy Dupay – Many people called the former Florida point guard “scrappy.” That’s a polite way of saying “annoying as $#!&”.
Dwayne Schintzius – Just for that mullet
Aaron Hernandez – Hernandez only scored two touchdowns against Kentucky while at Florida, but he killed a man (probably more), so he’s a villain in my book.
Nick Calathes ÎÎ¯ÎºÎ¿Ï‚ ÎšÎ±Î»Î¬Î¸Î·Ï‚ – Calathes gave up his Greek pro career and now plays for the Memphis Grizzlies. That may be the one and only time that has happened in that order. Also, he still looks like Butthead.
Brent Pease – That’s for you, Jared Lorenzen.
Corey Brewer – That picture alone says it all. STOP MAKING STUPID FACES.
Alberta Gator – I’ll admit, this one is pretty random and irrational. I don’t know why I hate Alberta, wife of Albert Gator. She’s done nothing to me. Maybe it’s because they act so lovey dovey during games? Why does Florida have a male and female mascot anyhow? (I’m aware that comment makes me seem slightly sexist.) Come to think of it, I’m not a fan of secondary mascots at all…and yes, that includes Scratch (roast me if you will, but the Cat is FAR superior).
The list could go on and on, but you’d get tired of scrolling. Add yours in the comments section.