Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Television coverage of March Madness is always expanding, and this year is no different. We’ve learned that fans who don’t want to tune into traditional broadcasts can now watch games from the inside of a microwave, as Food Network has joined the list of channels broadcasting the annual tournament.
Viewers will be able to choose between a 700 or 1100 watt broadcast, and they’ll also get to choose which sad frozen meal gets to cook during the game.
The broadcasts will feature two announcing teams. The first crew will feature Alton Brown on play by play with Bill Raftery joining him as the color commentator, where Raftery is expected to make several references about actual onions. Joining Brown and Raftery as the sideline reporter will be The Pioneer Woman. The second broadcast team will consist of Guy Fieri, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, and Barefoot Contessa, who will have to work from outside the arena unless she puts shoes on.
Food Network’s coverage will begin with tonight’s First Four, where fans will be able to choose from four different appetizers to watch cook on top of a paper towel while the games are on. The unique coverage won’t be broadcast any faster than what is brought into homes using traditional cameras, but the food network is happy to be at the forefront of using technology no one was aware existed until recently.