Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
While Vehicle crashes related mishaps are what Jason Stone personal injury lawyers typically oversee, many attorneys in Kentucky and across the country are now preparing to deal with an influx of calls pertaining to abuses suffered on United Airlines. One of those attorneys is Kentucky’s own ‘The Hammer’ Daryl Isaacs, who is considering an additional phone line to handle calls from future United passengers.
Potential litigants calling the Hammer would be greeted with an updated menu that would read the following: “If you’ve been injured in an accident, press 1. If you or a loved one has ever taken a pill you saw advertised on TV you might be entitled to compensation, press 2. If you’ve recently flown United Airlines, press 3. If this is John Morgan pranking me again, I’ve had just about enough of it, buddy.”
“A lot less people have been calling about mesothelioma lately,” a spokesman told us. “Car accidents are always going to be there, and until Elon Musk invents a way to stop them, they’ll be our main focus. But we think it’s a good time to pivot into this new revenue stream. We’ve got to strike while the iron and United’s Twitter mentions are hot.”
Not everyone sees the issue with United’s treatment of its passengers, including a certain basketball coach from Louisville.
“So they get a little rough now and then. I don’t think that’s a very big deal. I’m into that sort of thing. Makes joining the Mile High club all the more special,” said the coach.