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Burger Week Allows Lexington To Finally Reap The Rewards Of The Stockyard Fire


Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Lexington’s 2nd Annual Burger Week kicked off on Monday and according to officials, after yesterday’s dinner service, over three quarters of the beef that was salvaged from the February stockyard fire has been consumed. While the fire was tragic, the aftermath has proven to be both juicy and savory.

Officials say most of the preparations for this year’s festivities centered around evenly dividing up the pre-cooked beef supply that remained from the fire earlier this year. “The hardest part of our year was making sure everyone got their fair share of beef,” Organizer Dan Berger said. “We had to keep kicking the folks from the Applebee’s on Nicholasville Road out of line. It’s like ‘buddy, this isn’t even you’re neighborhood!'”cows

Among those not participating were all area Chick-Fil-A locations. Their attorneys advised them against participation since their main spokescows remain the USDA prime suspects in the ongoing arson investigation according to Lexington Police.

The increased availability of beef has led to some unusual entrants in this year’s festival. Yankee Candle attempted to put another feather in their cap by entering the ‘Called It Macaroni And Cheese Burger.’ Taco Bell attempted to get in on the action with a Burgerito, but the venture was a failure due to their cooks being unaccustomed to working with real beef.

Burger week seems to be getting good reviews so far. Jared Lorenzen was spotted celebrating by sampling burgers from five separate restaurants Tuesday night and, when we notified him it was Burger Week he responded, “What a great idea, that’s why I got these five burgers here. Do they do this monthly or…” Lorenzen trailed off as he took a bite from a Frisch’s Wildcat Bleu Burger. Chris Cross lobbied for his favorite burger place by telling patrons “You won’t get any hassle when you eat at White Castle.”

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Article written by Harold Leeder