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Answers To Your Topix: Lexington

topix-lex

Topix is the underbelly of the internet. No, it’s the asshole. It is the sweaty asshole of the internet.

Topix is where people go to talk trash about others, anonymously. It is where anything goes, without repercussion or censorship. Blatant online harassment, sexism, racism, pure hatred and any other outlandish remarks and verbal attacks one could spew, flood the online forum that is Topix. It is, to those who have scrolled through its discussions, the worst website on the entire internet. It is even worse than Facebook.

But when it is decent, Topix will occasionally provide a helpful discussion for normal, reasonable human beings looking to find answers to normal, reasonable questions — or topics, if you will — conveniently categorized by location. For example: one might ask where to buy a used lawn mower or find a good cut of steak for a reasonable price. Say you’re new to town and need a recommendation for good auto body work or a tailor; Topix can be there with a flood of responses from those in the know.

Those normal, reasonable humans don’t always find answers, however. Sometimes their calls to the internet wild go unanswered. And that is why I am here, leading the charge in a new feature called “Answers To Your Topix.” (Clever title, huh?)

From time to time, whenever I am bored and looking to help others because helping others is what I do, I will explore Topix’s threads and provide what I believe is the best answers to the best questions and comments. Tonight we’ll start right here in the Lexington forum, where the discussions are all over the place.

 


Thread Title: UK Basketball Experts

Posted By: Cat Lover (United States)

Whats up with the team this year? They were talked up pre-season to be the best players etc etc.Can some of you knowledgeable ballers tell me whats up with the team.I thought for sure we would be in the top 5? Analysis please 

 

Well, Cat Lover, it’s clear you don’t follow the Kentucky Wildcats basketball program as closely as others. If you did, you would not be on Topix asking such a broad question. But to answer it as best and as short as possible: Skal Labissiere did not meet the lofty expectations placed upon in the preseason, following a breakout performance at the Nike Hoop Summit toward the end of his senior season of high school. A combination of that and the inconsistent play of Alex Poythress and Marcus Lee left the team with a rather disappointing frontcourt. The lack of any inside offense put too much pressure on Tyler Ulis and Jamal Murray to do all of the scoring. They each had outstanding years, but they could only carry the team so far.  Injuries also played a factor early in the SEC schedule, which led to upset losses, resulting in a fall in the polls and a No. 4 seed in the NCAA tournament.


Title: Bryanstion Baseball is a joke

Posted By: Baseball for life (Bowling Green, Ky.)

I have never seen these types of politics befor. You have to be a kiss ass or know someone who is tied to northern baseball. Its like a cult. If you don’t kiss ass your child don’t play. Sorry but that’s not our family thing to do. It’s sad to watch you crush young men that can play because you want to please boosters.

 

I assume this is regarding Bryan Station baseball? I first read it as Bryan Cranston baseball, which really grabbed my attention. “I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger… I am the one who walks.”

I don’t know anything about Bryan Station baseball, though; but I assume those involved are good people. Your child probably doesn’t play because he sucks. Maybe have a child that doesn’t suck at baseball. Or learn to kiss ass.

By the way, are you drunk?


Title: Casey at Sun Tan City

Posted by: Tanline tagline

What a hot little thing she is. Wow.
Id drink her bath water.

 

Mmmmkay. Good luck with that.


Title: why do cats and dogs sit around and lick their buttholes

Posted by: garfield (Allentown, Pa.)

Swampass

 

Cats are big on personal hygiene. A cat’s saliva contains natural enzymes that work as antibiotics, so they’re constantly licking themselves all over, instinctively. It’s all about cleanliness for feline friends.

My guess is dogs do it because they like the taste of it.


Title: What’s Zo’s real name?

Posted By: Lovemesome (Frankfort, Ky.)

So I met this sexy ass man, goes by Zo. Anyone know his real name or if he has a lady? I really wanna hit him up but ain’t tryin to cross any lines

 

Hit him up. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take. You can do this. Confidence is everything.

Also, Zo is often a nickname for someone named Alonzo or Alphonso.


Title: Stoops

Posted by: Mad Real World (Nashville, Tn.)

Will this be His last year? I really don’t see them Winning more than 2 gamesthis year.

 

I will gladly take the over if you’re setting the line at two games. There is no doubt Kentucky’s schedule is a difficult one in 2016, but there is depth we’ve never seen before at the offensive skill positions and the most talented secondary in as long as I can remember. With those units poised to have big years, the season will likely ride on the shoulders of Drew Barker at quarterback and the defensive line. As for Stoops, he will keep his job by winning the games he is expected to win: the three non-conference games, Vanderbilt, South Carolina, maybe Missouri, etc.


Title: married men that like men

Posted by: Rocky (Jacksboro, Tn.)

Any out there

 

Not here, Rocky. I’m all about women and respecting the sanctity of marriage. But seeing as though you’re in a town called Jacksboro, I’d say you’re in the right place.

No judgment here, either. The heart wants what it wants. Do you.


Title: that time of year

Posted by: poboy

That dang time of year for my farmers tan to come back! It’s ridiculous. I have the sharpest most crazy contrasted farmers tan you ever saw. My arms get dark from my short sleeves down. Then ring around my neck and my whole head is dark. Take off my shirt and I’m Casper underneath. Super white and pale. It’s crazy. I don’t even like to go swimming cause it’s embarrassing. I can’t just take off my shirt and darken up cause I some tan. I only burn! The only reason my neck and arms get darker is from all my many years of working outside they have gotten used to it. I don’t like to wear shorts either cause my legs are white and my arms are dark. Crazy

 

May I suggest a trip to Sun Tan City? Ask for Casey. I hear she is a hot little thing.


Title: Nude Recreation

Posted by: Noodist (United States)

Any Central Kentucky men, women or couples interested in non-sexual nude recreation?

 

Seems a little weird. We talking, like, riding bikes? Because that sounds extremely uncomfortable.


Title: Barnhart shut up

Posted by: Jason D (Harrodsburg, Ky.)

We play in a conference which is weak. Our victories in the SEC are meaningless. Calipari finally agreed to play on an out of conference home court, but only at weak sisters Ohio State and UCLA. We almost never lose at home. We were lucky to get a four seed. Quite griping, Barnhart. And tell your big mouthed coach to shut his trap too.

 

Hey Jason, are you aware Mitch Barnhart has no control over whether or not the other members of the Southeastern Conference are good? Kentucky plays the hand it is dealt in the SEC each year. Furthermore, Kentucky did not play at Ohio State last year, and UCLA, the “weak sister,” was a very hostile environment and challenging game for a young team in the non-conference slate. In fact, Kentucky lost that one and the neutral site game with Ohio State. Let’s not forget Duke in the beginning of the year, and a trip to a little place called Lawrence, Kansas where Kansas had won 30-something straight games. Maybe you should ‘quite’ griping.

And I bet you won’t tell Calipari to “shut his trap” to his face.


Title: Sperm donor

Posted By: Family (Waynesburg, Pa.)

My partner and I are wanting to have a child, is there anyone willing to contribute sperm for $

 

How much money are we talking about here? [email protected]


 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to clear my browser history and go to church. And by clear my browser history, I mean burn my computer.

Tune in next time for Louisville!

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

13 Comments for Answers To Your Topix: Lexington



  1. eyebleedblue
    8:52 pm April 20, 2016 Permalink

    Who even takes baths after 10 years old anymore? Casey, that’s who.



  2. Sarahvah
    9:10 pm April 20, 2016 Permalink

    I get this is good humor but defending the loss to a 15-17 UCLA team is pathetic.



  3. Chaz
    12:16 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    Drew, you can guess about dogs all you like, but you’re off base here. I’ve owned at least 14 dogs and none licked their butts. They do lick their privates which I equate to people scratching themselves when they think no one can see them. Please stay away from Topix, it’ll rot your soul.



  4. Angelo
    1:33 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    This is a major sign of weakness… I am worried about KSR…



    • Angelo
      9:56 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

      Whoops! I forgot. Its summer and there isn’t much news to report.



  5. mostridiculousmannerpossible
    8:20 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    Great post, Drew. We need more laughs on this site. The way it used to be.



    • VulcanEar
      8:33 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

      Engelbert Humperdinck, “The Way It Used To Be”



  6. Megan
    9:20 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    No Marques Bolden news? I’m going into withdrawal. Skin’s crawling.



  7. Urb809
    9:27 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    Drew, this is gold…..keep it up, anyone that doesn’t like this can go listen to “Captain Suntan”….



  8. CatFanDu
    9:28 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    OOF- did it stink when you burnt your computer?



  9. Mathlete
    9:47 am April 21, 2016 Permalink

    I had to double check that this wasn’t one of CM Tomlin’s posts, seemed like something he’d write. Great stuff though, keep bringing the ridiculousness back (especially during the summer when it’s pretty much basketball recruiting and baseball news otherwise)!



  10. ciggy
    3:05 pm April 21, 2016 Permalink

    If you want to feel better about yourself, Topix is the place. Love this stuff!