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Alan Cutler Buys Lava Lamp And Door Beads To Improve His Airbnb Rating


Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.

Ever the opportunist, Alan Cutler recently went the extra mile to improve his rating on Airbnb, adding a lava lamp and door beads to his ever-expanding inventory of hippie paraphernalia aimed toward providing the best stay possible for the road-weary beatniks that frequent his spiritual abode.

“Right now I’m at a very solid 4.2 stars,” Cutler told us, “but there’s always room for improvement. That’s actually what I call the room that I rent out: The Room For Improvement. It has everything you could possibly need to not only have a good night’s sleep, but to also find your zen and improve yourself as a human being.”

Quality craftsmanship is important to Cutler, which is why he only buys local.

“A very sweet friend tipped me off to this place called the Botany Bay,” said Cutler. “They specialize in these oddly shaped vases, and they are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I have one in every room of my house. It’s weird though, because I’m constantly having to clean the ones I put in my Airbnb room after each stay, because they always end up super dirty and they smell terrible.”

While Airbnb has only been around since 2008, Cutler has been inviting strangers into his home since the early 1970s. He takes pride in what he does, which is why his vetting process is extremely tough.

“I don’t let just anyone in here off the street,” he said. “Applicants have to go through a very strict screening process. They need to meet certain qualifications. They have to be well-versed in the Chinese art of Feng Shui, they need a good rating on, and they have to complete an entire hot yoga session with yours truly.”

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Article written by Harold Leeder

1 Comment for Alan Cutler Buys Lava Lamp And Door Beads To Improve His Airbnb Rating

  1. meeksfor3
    8:54 am December 21, 2016 Permalink

    Fake news like this is what cost Hillary the election and now it has started on Alan? Is nothing sacred with you Mr Leeder?