Editor’s Note: The following was written by Harold Leeder, editor-in-chief of The New Circle Circular, Lexington’s #1 source of fake news you can’t count on.
Look now it may seem silly, but we all remember that in “1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” Rhymes can help us remember versions of the past that may or may not be true. Since rhymes are so fun and since Columbus is offensive now we’ve come up with a new fun history-based rhyme.
In Nineteen Hundred And Ninety Two
UK had their worst loss ever, to that other team in blue
Rick had oceans of shooters, but one Timberlake in pain,
so we’d wait four more years til his Turn with Wayne
He pulled cats from the ashes, and freed the team from probation
Some sad to see him go, but happy he left us with a solid foundation
In the 90s all of Kentucky citizens were certainly on board
then came the affairs both short lived and untoward
Day after day the NCAA looked for the coach to be banned,
They found the coach was a creep, their women indiscreet, but never saw cash in hand.
A city saw that indiscretions down your leg can be swept under the rug,
but they can make big holes in your roster, that only shoe companies can help plug
However the NCAA never found evidence of the Coach’s willful misdeeds
until the FBI stepped in with Pitino-like speed
A shame for the city, they even lose 2013’s greatest success
and their program looks like their dorm rooms’ ceiling, a disgusting sticky mess
A Kentucky hero, a legend? No not quite
As old Rick was brave, but unfortunately not bright
Be careful of who you name your holidays after,
for 15 seconds they’re heroes, the next second disaster.