The man sat cross legged on the floor of an empty room, across from a giant mirror reflecting his tired but assured face. He breathed in deeply. Not much time left. He’s here to gameplan for the season ahead. A whole new year, a whole new set of expectations. He exhaled. Time to get to work.
He flipped on his voice recorder, closed his eyes and began to speak.
“This is Jimmy Dykes, 25th of July, 2013. Fayetteville, Arkansas, and this is the first recording session of my hot fresh phrases for the new season…this thing on? Alrighty, Jimmy’s Jargon, take 1.”
“Pop the hood,” he whispered. “Pop the HOOD.” His speech got louder and his annunciations stronger. POP, the Hood.”
“Jimmy’s Jeans. Jimmy’s Jeans. He’s playing defense like he’s wearing Jimmy’s Jeans…hm, let’s come back to this one.”
“Cut n’ paste. Look how he moves without the ball, Brad. Cut n’ paste. Cut n’ paste. Hot dog, that’s a keeper.”
With that, he moved from his yoga position and into a catcher’s squat as he continued to pick up his pace.
“They call him the janitor…they call him the janiTOR, cause he’s got all the keys to victory…” He looked at himself in the mirror with a sly smile. “Ok, ok, we’re rollin now.”
“Take the ferry. Pay the toll, take the ferry. Danny Ferry….no.”
“Three…for three. Threes company…the bell tolls for three!”
Just like that, he leaped up on his feet, bobbing his head like he was an MC in a studio laying down a flow. Come to think of it, he was.
“Jimmy’s…jockstrap. Jimmy’s Jammies. Snap into a slim Jim. Jimmy’s Jeep. JIMMY’S JEEP! Beep, beep, who got the keys to Jimmy’s Jeep? Aw, son.”
“They call this kid Jimmy Johns, cause he’s so fast you’ll freak…actually, I’m gonna keep that one just for myself.”
His feet now joined his head in motion and he slipped on an air guitar and began to jam.
“Jumpin Jack Flash, what a pass, pass, pass.” He pretended to throw a guitar pick into the crowd, then fired off a few Pete Townsend around the world strokes. “Slip out the back-door…call a new play, Jay. Must be, 50 ways to leave your defender.”
“They run a Rice Krispy offense, Brad. Snap the pass to the weakside, Crackle down on the screen and Pop out for the jumper. Mercy that’s brilliant. Just add milk. Is that racist?”
“Change the diaper. Eat the food, change the diaper. Dirty diapers. Ok, not sure where I’m going with this…”
The sudden sound of a ringing phone caught his attention and he put his concert on hold. Jimmy’s Jargon take 1 was in the books.