(Bristol, CT, ESPN HQ. In a large corner office sits The Suit, and The Man)
Suit: I’ve been listening to the tapes you sent in. …good stuff as usual, Jimmy. Classic Dykes. I really think we can get some mileage out of Jimmy’s Jeep. I just hope you save me a seat!
JD: The Jeep is for bubble teams, not executives, hombre.
Right, anyway, the higher ups, they want you to go balls out this season. See, we all know Dickie V is on the back 9—hell, the 18th green, and that’s gonna be a pretty cushy seat we’ll need to fill…if you know what I’m sayin. Now, you don’t need any lessons—you’re a pro—your schtick, I don’t know why but the numbers love you. Your jargon, it’s hot! So let it all hang out this year, Jimbo. Let her rip. We’ll hav–”
Pop the zit.
That defender, he’s a reeeeal zit. You gotta pick, and then you gotta pop that sucker. Pop that zit, amen.
Hm. As unsettling a visual as that is, by god it’s catchy. And relatable–we all have our zits, after all. You’re on fire, Jimmy, on fire!
Nessler lays the tracks while I pay the tax.
(He jumps up, kicks his chair across the room, pulls a pair of shades from his coat pocket and puts them on)
SautÃ© the filet. I said, SAUTÃ‰. THE. FILET. Oscar’s style. Stir those grits partner, stir em up, nice and creamy like. Yeah, we’re cookin with Jimmy now.
He put that kid on the paleo diet with that dunk Brad, served him a face full of meat and nuts.
Jiggle the handle. The door to the rim ain’t always gonna open up easy, sometimes you gotta jiggle the handle.
Free your mind, and the rest will follow.
That’s En Vogue.
Sure is Jack, sure as heck is.
Cut the grass. Build a fence. Command your land.
That’s the ol’ fake, shake and pattycake, right there.
(The door opens and in walks another suit. He points at his watch but is quickly waived off. The Man doesn’t even flinch)
Dog biscuits. I don’t know where to put this yet, but give this dog some biscuits.
Right now this team’s a tuna fish without a salad, and that’s a recipe for the NIT.
You want a seat in Jimmy’s Jeep? Just remember to put your seatbelt on or that thing’s gonna beep for 5 minutes, and don’t lose at home.
This kid is a real sweater vest. Classy AND sleeveless. Didn’t even plan that one, just came out.
This team’s like a continental breakfast, they’re always around but never that go–“
Jimmy, I’m hungry. There’s a Red Robin down the street… (leans in and whispers) they actually let you eat all the fries you want. Let’s call it a day, eat some fries and harrass a waitress. We’ll resume this discussion soon, but in the meantime, remember what I said, and keep on firing that red hot jargon.