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Side hug for Ohio

ohio-welcome-sign

Any Kantuckean worth their weight in black gold holds a special disdain for our neighbors to the north, the state of O-ha-uh. Yes, making fun of Ohio is a treasured Kentucky past time, damn near a birthright.

It’s an interesting juxtaposition, us and them, one separated by about a quarter mile of polluted river and Mason-Dixon’s dotted line. The great bridge of course is Cincinnati, with its trusses extending well into the Bluegrass State which makes for an interesting pot of slightly sweet chili that is Northern Kentucky. Part good ol’ Kentucky Redneck, part Ohio Valley River Rat, blended with professional suburban transplants and heaps of German Catholic pride, NKY is a curious concotion of accents and infrastructure, countryside and sprawl. But that’s another post for another day.

Buckeyes invade our lakes, you see. They shift presidential elections. F that noise. They single handedly keep Aeropostale in business. They root for Ohio State like no one’s watching, pointing and laughing (some claim to root for Cincinnati and Xavier, but little evidence exists to back this up). On any given holiday weekend the left lane of I-75 resembles a crawling stampede of loggerhead turtles instinctively marching up the beach to roost. We take our hard earned vacations and there you are, Ohio. All of you. You mean I need TWO LICENSE PLATES?! WHAT?! “Hey, you guys’ playing cards? Let’s play Euchre!” Let’s not. “Wanna go to Dayton?” For how much?

The most ardent and narrow minded Kentuckian believes you’re only gettin mugged if you go downtown (Cincinnatuh, that is), and while that’s in many ways true, it’s still a hotbed of culture, commerce, activity and fine meats for all to conveniently enjoy. Plus, the Reds.

See, I’m not here to hate. I understand the absurdity of throwing blanket comparisons on states so demographically staggered. I realize like every famous person in history hails from Ohio. Your significant other probably does too. You have a brother in Ohio, your mom was born there, your sister went to this quaint little lib arts college up there where it was autumn all year and grades were given on a need to know basis, and blah blah blacksheep. Buckeyes birthed flight, ya know…literally, just birthed an airplane from its fertile womb. Ohio makes our tires so we can drive to Kings Island and see the Eiffel Tower and every overweight person in tank tops on earth. P&G this, P&G that. Mad props Ohio, mad props.

gobacktoohio

 

All I’m focused on at the moment is Ohio’s top export, at least ‘round these parts, D1 football talent. Kentucky does everything better than Ohio except grow D1 athletes. For this we must outsource and what a source it is. Ohio is a football fertility clinic and the modern globalization/domination of the SEC is particularly advantageous for UK. As the closest SEC school to Ohio, it’s an obvious and effective sales pitch. Spend your Saturday mornings wallowing in West Lafayette or enjoy a starring role in primetime between the hedges. It’s a strategy we’ve been begging for since Jeff Snedegar’s Senior Day.

Now with Ohioan Mark Stoops & Co. at the helm, 6 of the 9 commits in the class of 2014 hail from the Buckeye State, a class that’s well on its way to being the most heralded in UK history. For reference, UK had 6 Ohio commits combined from 2008-2012. Sure, it’d be nice to pull some bayou raised, NFL-ready defensive lineman from the clutches of the SEC elite, and certainly there’s no reason to stop searching for the proverbial Georgia/Florida diamond in the rough, but just as it is during election season, Ohio is now the battleground.

So even though you clog our beaches, interstates, arteries, and employ Gordon F. Gee, as long as the football pipeline is open, we cool, State of Ohio, we cool.

Now let’s all go dump our waste in Indiana. Nobody will notice.

 

 @JohnAWilk  

 

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

31 Comments for Side hug for Ohio



  1. Any kyian
    8:02 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Any Kentuckian worth anything would know its “Kentuckian”with an “I”, not an e.



  2. old blue
    8:12 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    That’s so true about the left lane!!! Why do Buckeyes always drive in the left lane??? Reminds me of a joke I heard once. Do you know why the trees in Kentucky lean to the South? Because Tennessee sucks and Ohio blows!!!



  3. raekwon
    8:17 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    So this writer John Dubya (Wilmhoff?) is from Ohio. Yippee.



  4. Jbell
    8:26 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    The best peice on ksr to date



  5. FIFO's suck
    8:26 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    3) A joke? Hell no, it’s a proven fact Ohio blows and Tenn. sucks. No body is more rude then FIFO’s no body!



  6. Bluerthanu
    8:36 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Let me just say that I am from Ohio, and I don’t appreciate being lumped in with OSU fans just because I’m from here. Check out my name, it’s not a joke.



  7. Slow YOUR F'ing Roll
    8:41 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    For all you f ing idiots you just started growing pubic hair listen. The history of KSR is this.

    Matt Jones approaches Rob Gidel about idea. The end product becomes KSR. Weeks later John Dubya joins and writes journalistic gold as Intern. Fast forward to today and you have got a website that limps onward attracting thousands of idiots like #2 whaaa who ask for better but are completely clueless.

    KSR cut its teeth by creating Mark Maggard nerd fights, Exploiting everyone of Rob Gidel’s UK connections, hating on anyone and everything outside of UK sports, having an unpaid staff comprised of 4 witty writers, and posting about 4 stories a day that most of you who read the sight now wouldn’t give the time of day.

    #2 If you are looking for better look in the archives.



  8. Duke Sucks
    8:45 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Screw OSU. Haven’t like then since their AD said UK could talk to Thad Matta because OSU was a better job and he didn’t have to worry about him leaving for Uk. I wonder if he still feels the same way!



  9. Brian Nolan
    8:55 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Obviously, you were born in Ohio, because any true Northern Kentuckian credits Cincinnati with absolutely nothing over Northern Kentucky. In the 1970’s the best high school football players at Mueller came from NKY, when Moeller High School was winning its fabled High School National Titles in Football. Goetta was created and originates in NKY. Dixie Chili puts Skyline to shame; Skyline Chili is just marketed better. Most Cincinnatians don’t root for OSU, they do root for UC, X, or UK. The bridges over the Ohio River are actually located in Kentucky, because that section of the Ohio River is in Kentucky (the whole river up to where the water edges the turf in Ohio. If Cincy and Ohio are so great, why do most of the Reds and Bengals live in NKY? And everyone knows the best side of the river is in NKY, where the only good view of Cincy comes from, because you can see that you are not in Ohio.



  10. Yeah...
    8:57 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    I love Ohio, got family in Cincy, am a Bengals fan. I can’t complain about Ohio. I mean, Ohio State has a prick for a president. But other than that. Ohio is alright. Kings Island is fun, Cedar Point is fun, and we get to steal all their football recruits. Ohio is a win-win, IMO.



  11. History Professor
    9:06 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    The Mason-Dixon Line has nothing to do with Ohio. It follows the western border of Delaware and the southern border of Pennsylvania. Your post was dumb and historically inaccurate. Although I do agree that Ohio sucks.



  12. NorthernKYcatfan
    9:06 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    #16, Ohio State is far from a supermodel. Also, I know this is not what you were intending by the ugly girl vs supermodel example, but it must be said. Kentucky girls>Ohio girls.



  13. BradinMississippi
    9:13 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Awesome post! My mom is from Canton and went to UC but came to her senses and moved to Versailles



  14. Buckets
    9:16 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    I read “Kentuckean” and could go no further. I mean come on…



  15. RJ
    9:21 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Well done. Well done. Some of these commenters are morons. Great post.



  16. BGCat
    9:26 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Great post by a great writer! Always entertaining.



  17. M
    9:37 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    A lot of northern ky wildcat fans working in cincinnati rooting for the reds, bengals, and wildcats. I went to UK and work in cincinnati. Yes a lot of Ohio state fans are douche bags, but not all of them. They’re just a team that plays football in a weak conference, and a basketball team in a conference that has 1 championship since 1990. They don’t ruin all of Ohio. Maybe just that area of Ohio.



  18. SoCal Will
    9:55 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Hey Dubya, you were the original “Intern” right? You still in Charleston SC? You had some amazing pieces back in the day. Hope all is well. I got burnt out in the Malibu fires a few years back and moved to Santa Barbara.



  19. Sherman
    10:11 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Juan aka John dubya is Mexican not Ohioan.



  20. ukfaninoh
    10:42 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Hey, I live in Ohio but was born in Ky.My oldest son graduated from UK. Been a UK fan all my life. Sometimes you can’t help where you live.



  21. BBNinOhio
    11:47 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    I’m not at all surprised by what Gordon Gee said. What he said is exactly the attitude of most of the Buckeye fans here in Ohio. I’ve lived in Ohio my whole life my dad and pretty much my whole family is from Kentucky, thank God I was raised right! These people here are so stuck up and arrogant they think they’re better than everyone else. If you haven’t experienced these people here take it from me. It’s horrible being a UK fan with these people. Thank God there are some UK fans here, and thank God you’re not like Ohioans, GO BIG BLUE!!



  22. Bret1555
    11:52 pm May 30, 2013 Permalink

    Hey 1 & 14, pretty sure he is referring to one of early historical spelling of the region that became Kentucky – Kantucke. But, by all means, continue to exhibit your own ignorance of our history by attacking him for actually knowing it. SMH.



  23. Wildcatwill
    12:20 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    Brilliant! Laughing my arse off!



  24. Gordon Gee
    1:30 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    This piece reads like so much of dishonest Catholic priest nonsense.



  25. Kentuckian
    2:27 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    From kentucky but I am not dumb enough to think any kentucky city is better than cincinnati. But we don’t have a city worse than Cleveland or Dayton.

    Go reds
    Go bengals
    Go big blue



  26. Yoda
    7:49 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    All of you jokers who are ripping on this guy for leading off with “Kantuckean” obviously have no grasp of the English language and writing prose. It’s called writing diction, specifically to portray SLANG or COLLOQUIAL; also known as phonetically spelling things out to convey a certain accent to a limited audience.

    Anyone who doesn’t get why “Kantuckean” is a humorous use of diction probably failed English class at leat once.

    Oh, and GO BIG BLUE, GO REDS, and WHO DEY!



  27. Yoda
    7:50 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    *least.



  28. UK4life
    8:24 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    Euchre is the best card game ever invented!!!

  29. Go Back to Ohio? Maybe Coach Stoops can use it. Is that positive enough to not get deleted?



  30. uk2k
    10:43 am May 31, 2013 Permalink

    Cincinnati is a shit hole….besides Great American Ball Park



  31. UKen70
    9:10 pm May 31, 2013 Permalink

    UK2K, you know nothing. I am a life long Cincinnatian, a UK alum, a UK season ticket holder for both football and basketball. I love Cincinnati but I also love the Commonwealth and (most) of it’s people.
    I laugh at UC’s so-called “fans.” Xavier is OK with me. I despise Ohio State. There are more Ohioans that think like I than Kentuckians that think like you, uk2k. Get your head out of your ignorant ass. GO BIG BLUE!