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SEC Slant: Week 5

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Gameday! to Vandy
Let’s be real for a second; these days Disney is throwing out Gameday’s like Mardis Gras beads. Still, Vandy has revealed a worthy set of cans this season, with a win over the Cocks and a resilient dubya in the home of the Gator slaying Rebels. After all, who are we, the Kentucky fan, to criticize?

This happens to be a dream scenario for our cellar brethren; not only do they get a jolt of Gameday stimulant, but in case you haven’t been paying attention, Auburn couldn’t score in the Bang Bus. This has the potential to yield yet another SEC baseball score, or perhaps a game of sideline scrotum flexing could ensue, leading to a helter-skelter comedy of errors. Regardless, this one should be close, and Lord help us all if Vandy can manage a few more miracles.

Kentucky @ Alabama

“They are maybe the best defensive team in the country.”
High praise from Slick Nick, who couldn’t have earned his nickname without mastering the art of coach speak. From a statistical standpoint, Saban is not far off, but he also knows Kentucky has yet to play a bowl caliber team. One of Saban’s hallmarks is keeping his players focused on the present. It’s an oft-overlooked aspect of coaching college football and one he has mastered.

The Tide offer commanding balance on offense, with a no-nonsense running game that sets up an efficient and deadly play-action attack. Alabama is the third fattest state in the nation (2nd in the Confederacy), mostly due in part to nose guard Terrance Cody, who packs 365 lbs on his 6’5” frame. You simply are not going to beat ‘Bama on the ground and the Cats have been shaky, to say the least, through the air.

Joker seems to really polish his playbook for big games, but sadly, he will not be in uniform receiving passes.

Adding to the spectacle: Justin Jones, recent UK de-commit, has been extended an invitation for the game from the Bama coaches. Maybe he’ll bump in to Pappy in the tunnel and is forced to recommit just to remove the sheer awkwardness of the situation.

No matter how hard I try to evade it, I always find myself intuitively equating Bama football and UK basketball. Between the fan-fervor, which most times reaches the line and brazenly trudges forward without a second thought, the towering expectations, and the pedestal in which posthuman coaches still reside, these tradition-stuffed programs are paralleled in ideology. Yet, basketball and football are simply two different monsters. Either way, in the attempt to get a handle on the current civil state of Alabama, picture this year’s basketball team wiping the floor with UNC and devouring other hapless opponents en route to a #1 ranking. If Gillispie managed a similar turnaround in just his second season the new CentrePointe building in downtown Lexington would not just resemble any ol’ Johnson, it would replicate Gillispie’s. (have at it, photo-shopping sickos)

Go West!
Ole Miss over Florida. Bama over Georgia. Auburn over Tennessee. Quite the dominant weekend for the SEC West indeed. Even with perhaps the two weakest teams in the SEC, the West staked their claim as the superior division so far, with LSU and Bama remaining national championship frontrunners.

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With LSU’s two national titles in the past five seasons and Auburn’s steady, if not seemingly unnoticed string of consistency, the SEC West has certainly upheld their end of the bargain over the years. Still, the SEC East has always had the advantage in sex-appeal and more lately, greater top-to-bottom success.

QB or not QB?
After invigorating a putrid Carolina offense with his athleticism, maligned blue chipper Stephen Garcia looked like a lock to finally take the wheel…but OBC is still not convinced. What we are witnessing here, it seems, is the birth of the anti-Spurrier. It appears that he’s perfectly content placing the entire onus on his top ranked defense while displaying a complete disregard for offense. Why else would he stick with Chris Smelley? I suppose it is of little concern for Kentucky fans, as Spurrier is bound to unleash the trickery and stake-driving cunning that’s built his 15 game winning streak over the Cats. Bastard.

Same can be said for the lowly Vols, who with a juicy QB contro’ of their own and little remaining motivation, will manage to put it together on Thanksgiving weekend.

This week:

Florida @ Arkansas
A pissed off Florida team with a pissed off but still ultimately forgiving QB will find vengence in beating Houston Nutt’s old team by 40+. Cruel irony.

Kentucky @ Bama
Weeeeeeee……Beliveeeeeveeee

South Carolina @ Ole Miss
since the Rebs are now supposed to win this game, expect them to lose this game.

Auburn @ Vandy
average student body GPA’s mirror the final score: Vandy by 2.

N. Illinois @ Tennessee
NIU > UCLA

Why not?

Pa’er Rankins:

1. LSU (4-0; 2-0)
2. Alabama (5-0; 2-0)
3. Auburn (4-1; 2-1)
4. Florida (3-1; 1-1)
5. Georgia (4-1; 1-1)
6. Vanderbilt (4-0; 2-0)
7. Ole Miss (3-2; 1-1)
8. Kentucky (4-0; 0-0)
9. South Carolina (3-2; 0-2)
10. Tennessee (1-3; 0-2)
11. Miss St (1-4; 0-2)
12. Arkansas (2-2; 0-1)

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk