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SEC S’lant: Week 3

Three weeks into the season and the SEC picture is already shaping into an incoherent mess. Some of it’s a relative surprise: the East is definitely least with Georgia already 0-2 in the SEC, Florida playing with the precision of Michael J. Fox, and Arkansas and Auburn in the top 15 with Ole Miss running away with the suck. Some of it’s status-quo: Bama is annoyingly consistent in its excellence, South Carolina is 3-0 and will end the season 7-5, Tennessee found rock bottom, and LSU is the most unconvincing top 10 team in the nation.

Florida 31 UT 17
The Gators are 3-0 but have showed nothing close to enough firepower to skate to a 12-0 regular season. Brantley has shown an arm, but the Gators don’t have a reliable receiver, nor offensive line. The defense is young and prone to the occasional lapse, but its a unit with as much potential and skill as any in the nation. The offense will improve eventually, but will never be a juggernaut, so it’ll be interesting to see how far they can ride the D. And by D, I mean penis.
As for the Volz, twas a game effort, and, you kicked a midget!!! The real question is, which legendary legacy is least like their dad, Nate Montana or Matt Simms?

Arkansas 31 UGA 24
If you watched the first half, you saw an offensive surgeon running his clinic. When Petrino has the right tools, he is capable of scoring on anyone at anytime. If he wasn’t such a sunuvabitch, I’d almost enjoy it. Ryan Mallet and his 380 yards, 3 TD’s, and game winning drive sealed his spot atop the Heisman race for now, and Mark Richt continues to cement his own feet.

Vandy 28 Ole Miss 14
After the opening week loss to Jacksonville St., why not just go ahead and complete the shit-cycle with a 2 TD loss to Vandy at home? Ole Miss is not flukey bad, they’re just downright awful, but they’ll still nab that one big win against LSU or Arkansas, because that is the embodiment of Houston A. Nutt.

Kentucky 47 Akron 10
Kentucky has swept through three of the worst teams in D1. They have also yet to commit a turnover and have avoided the major injury, something I immediately regret typing. In short, UK’s season has gone precisely to plan. Next on that plan, not getting utterly humiliated in the Swamp.

LSU 29 MSU 7

Bama 62 Duke 13

USC 38 Furman 19

Pa’er Rankins

1. Bama
2. Arkansas
3. South Carolina
4. Florida
5. LSU
6. Auburn
7. Kentucky
8. Georgia
9. Vandy
10. Tennessee
11. Miss St.
12. Ole Miss

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk