Believe me, I love “fat” and “donut” and “bumpkin” jokes as much as you do, and I hate the Vols more than you do, but this slant, is for Phil. Fulmer might’ve dabbled in the tattle-tale trade, flirted with baffoonery and dominated the Cats, but he was an SEC pillar; a fading heap of football yore. I remember the story of a young boy, a boy with a dream. He was a true blue Kentucky fan mourning yet another loss to the hated Vols. “Why can’t we just beat them once?” He asked to the celestial sky. Then, a bellow: “keep eatin your vegetables son, study hard, and maybe you’ll get a chance to do somethin about it someday.” The boy turned to see the fleshy figured Phil Fulmer give a wink and a grin as he boarded the bus back to hell. That boy was me.* Now to the slant…
Florida 49 UGA 10:
After the Ole Miss loss, a teary Tebow
decried that no one would play harder than him the rest of the season. In typical, almost nauseating Tebow fashion, he’s been true to his word. The Gators have been excessively good since the inexplicable loss to the Rebs, showcasing an athletically ruthless defense to compliment its seemingly endless parade of home spun speed backs and that Tebow fella, who has metaphorically circumcised just about every team in this league. As for the Dawgs, I believe ‘pretender’ about sums it up. Add ‘soft’ for good measure.
Kentucky 14 MSU 13
With the spirit of Lonnell Dewalt providing a boost, Kentucky notched another win in Starkville, all but assuring a third consecutive bowl. To say the offense in this game was ‘bad’ would be an insult to bad things, so we’ll call it ‘ineffective’. The UK D-line dominated the second half and blanketed RB Anthony Dixon all day to the tune of 46 rushing yards. So the offense is still flummoxed; the defense has its swagger back.
Cocks 27 Tennessee 6:
Add another feather to the Ball Coach’s Visor as he’ll undoubtedly remember himself as the coach who officially triggered Fulmer’s demise, over a decade in the works (not surprisingly, he thinks this whole thing is a riot and wants to know where Phil bought his Powerball ticket). It’s easy for the talking heads to lambast the decision and grumble that fans’ expectations are too high, they’re spoiled, yada, yada, and lastly, yada. Basically, label the fanbase “stupid and spoiled” in their roundabout rhetoric. But these people, these pro-sports aficiandos from the North East Coast, simply fail to understand the complexities of university athletics in and around university towns; 17 years is hardly an unfair shake. The problem is not a talent plateau, nor is it always as simple as X’s and O’s/W’s and L’s. Sometimes, it is just time for a breath of fresh air. A new set of eyes and a shot of vivacity. Sure, it can backfire on occasion but when it’s time, it’s just time. So long Phil, I will always remember never beating you in my lifetime.
suggested reading: Tony Barnhart, AJC (teaser: there’s a Tubby allusion)
Arkansas 30 Tulsa 23
You have to give it up for Petrino and the Hogs, repping the SEC and handling the nation’s most fertile offense. In case you were wondering why Petrino is offered fresh ass even when smelling of skank, look no further than QB Casey Dick. Ol’ Bob has transformed the league’s worst QB a season ago to its most prolific this year. And while the Hogs remain far from formidable, they still have an outside shot at 6 wins and this dubya tells you that they’re going to keep playing hard for their coach.
Out of sight/mind:
Ole Miss 17 Auburn 7
LSU 35 Tulane 10
Bama 35 Ark St 0
QB Tim Tebow, Florida: 10-13 154 yards, 39 yards rushing, 5 total TD’s
LB Dominic Douglas, MSU: 15 tackles, INT
QB Casey Dick, Arkansas: 25-38 385yards, TD, INT. Only SEC QB to have multiple 300yarders this season.
Bama @ LSU
Nick Saban has made it rather clear in preparation for his Red Stick Reunion, that he is not interested in cutesy sub-plots. Saban ’03 is dead. But I know of a certain fanatical species who are quite interested in this sub-plot and completely uninterested in good taste, rationale, diets, the burial of hatchets and sure to make this homecoming of sorts, a cajun-fried spectacle. Laissez les bon temps roulez. Oh, the Tide will roll…will Saban’s head go with it?
Arkansas @ Cocks
SUEYYYYY!!! You saw it here first.
Florida @ Vandy
Will Florida lose a little focus? Probably. Will Tebow? Not a chance in heck. Will they cover 24 1/2? Uh-huh.
UGA @ Kentucky
We know what we’re getting with Kentucky. Georgia, however, returns to Lexington trampled, humiliated, and homeless. The glossy #1 ranking but a distant memory, it will be very interesting to see how UGA responds the rest of the way. Richt is MA of motivation but his team is not who we thought they were. Georgia’s defense has slid into 11th in the league and Matt Stafford continues to play like Favre sans the whimsy. Maybe not a goal-poster this time around, but it should be close to close-ish.
Wyoming @ UT-Knoxville
Win one for the gip. Seriously, any semblance of respectability depends upon it.
UT-Martin @ Auburn
7. Ole Miss
12. Miss St.
*no it was not.