It’s truly sad to see this season of absurdity reduced to history, but oh what a season it was. Each week, the SEC produced one instant classic after another. With each mounting overtime and every earth-haulting upset we wondered if anyone actually wanted to win this league, but we were certain college football could not get any better. It’s a shame LSU couldn’t take the SEC to another National Championship, but for those of us who dutifully observed the Saturday sabbath all season, it was quite divine indeed. So please rise and join hands as we sing the closing hymn:
(Ahem) “Soulja Boy up in dis ho, watch me crank it watch me roll, watch me crank dat soulja boy then superman. dat. ho. Amen.”
Kentucky (UT L 52-50 4 OT)—And so goes Kentucky football. With the ball on the UT 1 yard-line at the end of regulation, and a 34 yard field goal lined up in OT, it appeared UK had finally exercised the Orange demons. Then, reality, history, fate, etc. intervened, and here the Cats are: losers in 4 of their last 5. The end o’ season skid is the culmination of an unharmonious chorus between the two sides of the ball. The defense has played well at times, as has that explosive offense, but the complete package couldn’t seem to agree on a half in which to rendezvous. 7-5 is disappointing, but it’s been a another map placing season in Lexington for a program poised to stay out of the basement.
Tennessee—Well, give the Vols their due. Marred by an opening whoopin’ at Cal, perennial player dismissals, and shaky defense, the Vols get their shot at the SEC Crown and the BCS. You Can’t call this team dominant by any means, but they’ve stepped it up when it matters the most.
Florida (FSU W 45-12)—Do you really believe a broken hand is going to slow Train Tebow? With all their offensive studs healthy and Tebow still on two legs, there’s nary a defensive scheme prepared to handle this onslaught. Their defense proved too inexperienced to overcome a rigid schedule, but the Gators head into Bowl Season with the Heisman frontrunner and what you’d have to think is a co-favorite to win the SEC next season.
Georgia (@Ga Tech W 31-17)—Although unqualified for the SEC CG, the Dawgs are headed to the BCS thanks to an electrifying second half scurry. The emergence of freshman sensation Knowshon Moreno and the continued development of sophomore
keg-gun slinger Matthew Stafford, UGA looks like the early favorite to take the SEC crown next season.
Arkansas (@LSU W 50-48 3OT)—Just when you thought it was safe to sleep on D-Mac, he goes all Herschel on kids. With the nation’s most dynamic backfield, 8-4 is certainly a disappointment for the Hogs. It looked like the Nutt-era had reached its climax in Fayetteville, but that appears to be a bit premature. If Nutt does return, he’ll have his hands full attempting to replace McFadden and Felix Jones, both of whom are expected to bolt to the League. UPDATE: Nutt done at Arkansas
LSU—What a way to go out. Sure, the Tigers have made their living off the craps table this season, but who’da thought they’d crap out on the final game of the season? It’s an enormously disappointing ending on the Bayou for what was supposed to be a Championship Game shoe-in, who now must weather another potential regime change.
Auburn (Bama W 17-10)—Speaking of regime changes, it looks like Tommy T. Tuberville will be back on the Plaines next season. ClichÃ© as it may be, this was truly a roller coaster season for War Eagle. After dropping two straight home games early on, the Tigers and their violent defense gallantly fought to finish 8-4. I think Tuberville is as good a coach as there is in the league, and as long as he’s on the sideline, and as long as Brandon Cox is in the real world and not under center (and as long as I’m using cliches), Wo’ Eagle will be a force to be reckoned with next season.
South Carolina (Clemson L 23-21)—Sharing this season’s most disappointing crown with LSU and Prison Break, the Gamecocks limp into the Bowl season as a reeling .500 ball club; merely the skeletal remains of an early season BCS threat. The once vaunted defense was slowed by injuries and suspensions, and QB Blake Mitchell continued to make decisions. Now, the Cocks might be left Bowl-less, and Spurrier bottom lip-less.
Mississippi State (@Ole Miss W 17-14)—Without question the biggest surprise of the 07 campaign, the Croomers soared to a 7-5 record and proved that offense is purely an optional upgrade and not a requisite for competing in the SEC.
Alabama—Slick Nick parlayed that $5mil a year into a .500 record. If he were a pitcher he’d be a perfect fit for the Yankees.
Vanderbilt (Wake L 31-17)—Although a competitive out all season, the Dores once again fall short of the postseason. I’d expect All-World WR Earl Bennett to take his hands to the next level, leaving Vandy as the intellectual tenant of the SEC East basement.
Ole Miss—Cleansing yourself of Orgeron was the right move, although we’ll all miss the meatiness and pro-opponent play calling the big guy brought to the table. If the Ole Miss brass can ever grasp the reality that they’re more Kentucky than they are Bama, they’ll be much better off.
MVP: Tim Tebow, QB Florida
MV Frosh: Knowshon Moreno, RB Georgia
Game of the Year: Oct. 13th, Kentucky 43 LSU 37 3OT
Coach of the Year: Sly Motherf-in Croom, Miss St
“Ah hearrrrd dat.”
SEC Pa’er Rankings:
8. Miss St
9. South Carolina
12. Ole Miss
And finally, as this Auburn player found out, one should always exercise good hygeine and wash your hands after rolling the post-game blunt: