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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

SEC Slant

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thanks to Catfanman23 @ TCP for the pic…and of course, Karma

Whew. Just when you think normalcy will make an overdue cameo this season, it just keeps on getting more preposterous. The top 3 teams (Ohio St, USF, BC) are delegates from the 3 weakest conferences, but give them credit, they’ve side-stepped the upset, quite a feat in times like these. The real fun begins when all three of these teams lose (they will, or God himself will engineer a playoff) and that clustered cartel of one-lossers are scrapping over the BCS like “flies on a ribroast.” Also, I’m prepared to boycott honeymoons and mass-produced volcano rocks if Hawaii steals a spot. Not sure I’m strong enough to throw in Hawaiin Punch. LSU and Florida are the two best teams so far, and they can’t make it through the first half of the SEC unblemised. From a records standpoint it’s unfortunate how good the football conference of the South is, but for sheer entertainment, it’s absolutely unparalleled. You can call me an SEC homer, biased, and ignorant, but we all have eyes, and this is the slant…

Kentucky (LSU W 43-37 3OT)—Cue the excuses: top 3 running backs injured, starting safeties were out, star reciever was not 100%…oh wait, that’s UK. LSU, well, they have none. There was a lot of doubt clouding this Kentucky team after looking like a deer in headlights in Columbia, but go ahead and put that doubt in your gumbo pot and cook it (and the deer too). The Cats sustained a worthy effort from number 1, a slew of injuries, and 2 turnovers en route to the biggest win in the history of this here program. Bottom line: they lined up and flat beat LSU, countering every punch and mixing in several haymakers of their own (though, LSU 1 UK 0 in the judo chop category). The remaining docket is tough, but so are these Wildcats. And oh yeah, Gameday, Commonwealth Stadium….stop it, just stop it.
Next Game: Florida 10/20

LSU—I picture an agonizing Les Miles on the flight home from Lexington, huddling around his coaches with an LSU stadium cup onced filled with Beefeater and nothing else, reflecting on his loss with one repeated phrase: “sonsabitches.” As in, “How in the hell did we lose this game? sonsabitches. Those sonsabitches pulled it off. I was under the impression that when my cup is obviously empty, one of you sonsabitches is supposed to refill it….” So I guess LSU isn’t an immortal batillion capable of winning the NFC (though, they’d still be the wild card). They no longer control their own fate, but fate takes a backseat to logic sometimes, and if they can win out they’ll have a shot. But that winning out thing, who knows these days?
Next Game: Auburn 10/20

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“I’m not gonna do, what everyone thinks I’m gonna do…”

Georgia (@Vandy W 20-17)—Georgia capitalized on a late Vandy fumble to nip the Dores in Nashville. A crushing loss for Vandy as their bowl hopes appear dashed, and huge win for UGA, who would’ve become the “Zook-years” Florida Gators: too good to be that bad. But not all’s well in Athens, as Sr. RB Kregg Lumpkin may be lost for the season with a knee injury, his 18th injury in two years. While Georgia has failed to impress this season, they’re still a team you do not want to play.
Next Game: Florida 10/27

Arkansas (Auburn L 9-7)—Wow, great football game guys. I actually watched the last few minutes of this epic, and Arkansas was running the 2 minute drill with McFadden at QB…that’s how bad the Hog passing game is. I mean, it’s seriously Pop Warner-esque, where just one completed pass is enough reason to jump out of your seat and say, “that’s my boy, that’s my boy!” The best player in the nation has become a complete oversight, and that Auburn defense is really, really good. You don’t get much more fired than Houston Nutt, who found that his office was moved to Storage B, his stapler nowhere to be found.
Next Game: @ Ole Miss 10/20

Other Games:
Rumor: Tennessee and Miss St played last weekend.
Fact: Yes, they did in fact play, with UT prevailing 33-21 in Starkville.
Alabama 27 Ole Miss 24
South Carolina 21 UNC 15

SEC Pa-er Rankings:
1. South Carolina—still waiting for that Lou Holtz pep talk
2. Kentucky—like Cousin Eddy at a Debuntante Ball
3. LSU—bring back DiNardo
4. Florida—something tells me the Gators are hon-gry
5. Tennessee—appears the Butterball has this ball rollin’
6. Auburn—starting to think the Miss St loss was more of a fluke than the Florida win. Starting to…
7. Georgia—fortunate against Vandy…fortunate they played Vandy
8. Alabama—average. Just like every Bama team since the days of Potbelly DuBose and his salaried players
9. Miss St—the world needs Sly Croom, not vv
10. Vanderbilt—they’re like an entree from Applebees: flavorful, but easily forgettable, and a little overcooked. But who cares, we’re all here and hangin’ out, right?
11. Arkansas—count Houston Nutt among those sick of hearing Trump’s new catchphrase…
12. Ole Miss—…Orgeron too

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk