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SEC Slant

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Twistin’, twistin’, twistin’ the night away

Why does a pudding-filled, ACC-loyalist like Mike Patrick have the fortune of calling these Saturday night SEC epics? Seriously, has their been a bad one yet? What the SEC is doing this year is truly unprecedented. Historically regarded as a negating slug-fest, the SEC could very well end the season with 11 Bowl-eligible teams. Think about that—every single team but Ole Miss with at least six wins. While it’s highly unlikely each team would recieve a post-season soiree, it would be a feat for the ages, even fron the conference that didn’t invent the football, but merely perfected it.

Kentucky (Miss St L 31-14)—For a game that undoubtedly worried Rich Brooks & Co. the moment the schedules were released, the staff found themselves seemingly unprepared and out-witted by the Sly Croom Experience. Us fans would like to have that one shred of tangible evidence to finger; a costly turnover, horrendous piece of officiating, questionable play call, something. But the mistakes were so plentiful, and the Bulldogs so much better, that we’re left with the bitter reality of a straight up arse-whoopin administered by a team written off as a tap-in. The devastation of which was not truly felt until both Florida and South Carolina fell later in the day, leaving the East gapingly available. A shot at first place at the season’s clubhouse turn was surrendered for a fight to stay out of the basement in Nashville in two weeks. If good news can be exhumed out of this, it’s that Rafael Little, Tony Dixon, Keenan Burton, et al, should be back to good by then, and hopefully the Cats will cede caution and come out Billichick-style. Beat the Vols, for the love of God, please beat the Vols.
Next Game: @Vanderbilt 11/10

Mississippi St—If you’ve learned anything about me thus far, you’d know my adoration for the ashen moustache’d teddy bear, Sly Croom. Not only is he the classiest fella on an SEC sideline, but he coaches at Miss St, not exactly a cush gig. How you can haul in decent talent to Starkville without the assistance of cash-filled pieces of luggage + Jackie Sherril’s sweeping charm is beyond me, but Croom’s put together a pretty nice product in his four seasons at the helm. There’s nothing sexy about em, but they appear Bowl bound, and hopefully Croom is extension bound.
Next Game: Alabama 11/10

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“I wonder if the a-gap is being over-exploited? I wonder if Alicia made that pecan pie she promised me last night?”

Georgia (Florida W 42-30)—I honestly thought March Richt was a 12 pack deep when he demanded the excessive revelry in the endzone after their first TD. “Why give more motivation to a better team?” I asked anyone who’d listen. But I can’t help but applaud the Les Miles-esque move in hindsight, as Georgia continued their symbolical mooning until the last whistle. This is certainly not the same Jo-Ja club that was sodomized in Neeyland, and you have to think if they can maintain that fire, they’ll be tough to knock off the top. I think we all Knowshon Mereno now.
Next Game: Troy 11/3

Florida—For all of his herculean, paranormal abilities, Tim Tebow has now tasted defeat and the saltiness of his own tears three times this season. He was obviously hindered by his sore shoulder from the UK game (power-sniff), and they still don’t have that thing football people like to call a running back, but their defense is simply not any good. Maybe Urrrban’s finally been humbled…nahhh. He’s mixing a cocktail with his member as we speak.
Next Game: Vanderbilt 11/3

Tennessee (South Carolina W 27-24)—Silly. I’d like to have a better adjective for the SC game, but it really was just plain silly. We all know Fulmer is allergic to finishing off opponents, but it looked like they were playing the Danny Weurfel Spurriers in the second half…only it was the Blake Mitchell edition, which is like CCR without Fogerty. Nonetheless, they got a crucial win to catapult themselves back into the chase.
Next Game: La-Lafayette 11/3

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This isn’t Peyton’s Rocky Top, but they’re back on top

Other Games:
Vandy 24 Miami (Oh) 13
Auburn 17 Ole Miss 3
Arkansas 55 FIU 10

Breakin Records:
Vandy’s Earl Bennett eclipsed Craig Yeast’s conference record for receptions when he caught his 209th career ball in the ‘Dores win over Miami. If you’ll remember, the Jr. phenom originally committed to be a Wildcat, but merely as a cog in Mike Archer’s defensive backfield, something that would drive any reasonable man to Vanderbilt.

SEC Pa’er rankings:
1. LSU—the weight of the conference is upon thee…hope they get their title shot
2. Alabama—the fightin Snakes of Saban are probably not this good, but we’ll find out next week
3. Georgia—the talent’s there, but is the consistency?
4. Florida—rebuilding year on D, and Tebow’s right front fender
5. Auburn—league’s best D needs but a slice of offense to really take off
6. Tennessee—for the first half saturday, they were easily #2…then they reverted back to their Bama ways
7. Kentucky—bent over and Croomed. They get an extra week in the corner to think about it
8. South Carolina—Their QB’s have to get stoned before games
9. Miss St—think about this, they’re making this Bowl run without their starting QB…
10. Arkansas—great, you beat up a ten year old
11. Vanderbilt—the best 11th best team in any conference, maybe ever
12. Ole Miss—looks like their throwing the season to get that first pick…wait a minute…

Standings

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk