We are still a couple of weeks away from intra-conference relations, but the SEC is already revealing itself as a conference only a mother could love. Why, in order to properly describe the league’s performance thus far, one must consult the Simon Cowell Book of Debasing Adjectives: “Bloody dread-ful, utterly horrendous, and buggered-up heap of ref-use” are my favorites, but feel free to create your own colloquial combos.
Other than dimly lit, sparsely populated arenas, the SEC-W has come to be known for its really bad basketball. If it were possible for no team to win the division, then no team would win this division. ‘Bama, LSU, and Arkansas have the cleanest records thus far, as they should, considering the relative talent on their rosters. Ole Miss figured to contend for an NCAA tourney bid when the season began, but have seen two starters go down with knee injuries and a coach go down…town. Meanwhile, Auburn managed to beat Tuskegee (much to the dismay of Charles Barkley) and steal one on the road against UVA, but they are still about 3 Chris Porter’s away from making any serious noise this season. Mississippi State continues to get stat-sheet stuffing production from big man Jarvis Vernado, but continue to swim in the blue sea of discontent that are Rick Stansbury’s eyes.
As we get set for the UK/UT/UF menage a trois to the finish line, I’ll be keeping my eyes on the following: Is Kentucky good enough to withstand a cold Meeks and a foul-troubled Patterson, on the same night?
Will Florida fall victim to a yeast infection, or can Butthead carry this team all season?
Will Tennessee play defense? Can they spell defense?
Will Dennis Felton finally get that Ricky Ricardo jacket to go along with his pink slip?
When will South Carolina play an opponent with a football team?
Can AJ Ogilvy finally shake his label as “the next Shibba-shefski”?
Team Schedules and results (viewer discretion advised)