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SEC Network, not so goo-ood


Hi folks, Al Purnell here, and I’m out here today in the middle of an open field to talk about—you guessed it—Purnell’s Old Folks Country Sausage.

Now as ya’ll darn well know, Purnell Farms ain’t just makin’ the south’s premier breakfast sausage (and a whole sundry of other fine pork products, available at your nearest grocer), we’re also flagship sponsors of the Southeastern Conference and our UahK Wildcats.

Must admit, when we first hearda this deal here with the new SEC Network we were tickled pinker’n a piggy’s titty. Takin’ the SEC worldwide, 24/7, big time stuff. The Purnell Old Folks Country Sausage SEC Network Game of the Week has a mighty fine ring to it, don’t it? Just rolls right on off the tongue. But we know the cost of livin’ goin’ right on up too and hog husbandry ain’t gettin’ no cheaper. We hope we can still market our Old Folks Country Sausage before, durin’ and after the ballgames, but we ain’t born yesterdy…y’know, we use the whole hog in our old folks country sausage and its what makes it so doggone gooo-oooood. All you do is put it up in the freezer then just have mama plop it down on a hot skillet…mmm, mm, mm, mm, mmm.

Like I was sayin’, the Purnell Family is livin’ pretty high on the hog these days but I’m afraid we ain’t got the scratch to play ball with these billionaires. Now that we got that ESPN behind the wheel takin’ our SEC ’round the world that ad-space gon’ fetch a pretty penny. They just gonna throw the keys to Big Sausage and let ’em have the run of the place. Ruins the whole dern game. Hogworsh. You know that Jimmy tapdancin’ Dean puts his breakfast sausage on a cro-sant? Who in the sam hell eat their breakfast sausage on a cro-sant? Jimmy Dean, that’s who, and he can kiss my Kentucky Proud pork butt.

Y’see, ya just ain’t gonna get this taste anywhere else. Not from Jimmy Dean, or Bob Evan, Johnsonville…and Ballards? Folks, do ya really trust anything come outta West Virginny? Maybe we’ll do one of them jump-starter thingamawhats and hope someone up on the internets likes Old Folks Sausage enough to pony up some good coin, keep us in play. Til then, we’ll keep on makin’ the finest sausage this side of the Mississip, and I’d stake the farm there ain’t none better on the other side neither. Ain’t no pig like a Purnell Old Folks Country pig cause an Old Folks Country pig don’t stop, as the sayin’ go ’round here.

Now I know I speak for my friends at Goldenflake, Texas Pete, Dale’s Seasonin’ and Boone’s Butchers when I say next season when yer watchin’ yer games ’round the clock on the big ol’ network, remember to support the little fellers every now and again. And remember, friends don’t let friends eat sausage on a cotton-pickin’ cro-sant.

Until next time folks, this is Al Purnell sayin’ “goo-oood night.”


Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

45 Comments for SEC Network, not so goo-ood

  1. Al Purnell's Retarded Grandson
    4:02 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    I get the novelty hillbilly slang you used, but it made it a bear to read.

  2. Al Purnell's Retarded Grandson
    4:03 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    That said, IT’S GOOOOOEEEEDDDDD!!!

  3. StangLuvr
    4:03 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    WHAT?!?!?!?! Epic Fail

  4. Drew
    4:04 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Slow news day, clearly.

  5. Kenny Bania
    4:06 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Gold Jerry Gold!!!!!

  6. Rei
    4:06 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    worst post ever

  7. Kige Is the [email protected]
    4:08 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    On a serious note, Al raises some valid points. I hope the smaller, regional businesses like Purnell’s will be able to compete for air time with larger, multinational companies. Those regional products are a significant part of what makes SEC country so awesome. On a lighter note, every time I hear about Jimmy Dean’s sausage, I think of this (NSFW):

  8. what?
    4:09 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    wtf did i just read??

  9. nope
    4:14 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    You tried. I’ll give you that. But it was bad.

  10. 3 Quit It
    4:14 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hey 3 and everyone else that uses the term “Epic fail” just stop it already. Not every fail is epic, that term is so played it’s unbearable. Use another expression already.

  11. MattP
    4:15 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    #7- Agreed. And that call about Jimmy Dean in legendary! I heard that long ago but was glad you brought it back up. Soooo funny and TRUE!! hahah
    As for the other complaints… jeez… just scoll past if ya don’t want to read it?!?!

  12. Jimmy Dean
    4:20 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    My sausage was purty good until the Sara Lee people got hold of the company. Put me in my grave.

    Mr. Purnell, here’s to you:

  13. STEVE!
    4:49 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Al, you forgot to mention your good friends the Odoms and Tennessee Pride Real Country Sausage!

  14. not matt jones
    5:01 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    funniest post i read in a while! especially from a noob. Keep up the good work john!

  15. Hey now
    5:02 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    This post was pretty good actually. It presented a legitimate scenario in a ridiculous manner. The alternative would be to present a boring, brief two sentence post. Clearly the former is the better option.

  16. Bledsoe's Biceps
    5:07 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    I liked it. Good comical spin on a real issue this new network creates.

  17. Charlie White
    5:15 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    This was goooood!

  18. Vince Lombardi
    5:28 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    I have no clue what this is supposed to be! What the hell is going on out here?

  19. BlueDoug
    5:35 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    What in the world was that?

  20. Maters
    5:35 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Great post!

  21. tyson
    5:58 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    um, guys, don’t all national telecasts have local spots?

  22. Saul S.
    5:59 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Unless its Tyler, Matt, Drew, Tomlin, or Flener, I rarely read these articles. This is a good example of why I don’t.

  23. Bulldawg
    6:13 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    I do have to say Old Folks is some dudgum good sausage… once you get used to it, nothin’ else will do. I really like it chopped up in homemade gravy.

  24. lexslamman
    6:22 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Now that I’ve spent a few of my adult years living somewhere other than Kentucky, I’ve come to realize how much Al Purnell and Old Folks Country Sausage actually meant to me. It tastes like sausage ought-ta taste, gooooo-oood.

  25. James
    6:24 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Just echoing #22.

    I’d be happy to help KSR design a site that allowed users to create profiles and filter writers. Also allow for banning people from the comment section 🙂

  26. m. jones
    6:34 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    These guys work extremely hard, researching and writing each and every post. Then they work hard to give it to you with some entertainment value. (some better than others) Knowing how hard these writers work, It breaks my heart to know that they read some of the more shameful and ungrateful comments, written by a small yet disturbing percentage of our viewers. Why be a bully? Being a bully in person is one of the worst things you can be, being a bully without the threat of being confronted is just plain worst. I have no issues with anyone disagreeing with a post (every one is entitled to their own opinion) I just ask that before you write something MEAN, understand that there is someone who will read this that worked hard in an attempt to entertain you, FOR FREE i might add.

  27. Jones Returns
    6:35 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hilarious!!! That damn commercial makes me want to slam my face in a doorway every time it comes on.

  28. Jones Returns
    6:38 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Here’s the link to the commercial for you morons who clearly don’t watch the games

  29. Jones Returns
    6:39 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

  30. UK_JB
    6:47 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    This is why i don’t like cable…

  31. UK_JB
    6:49 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    22 – if you like it then don’t read it. SIMPLE. Also don’t post about you hate it. Find something else to do.

  32. Zach Galifianakis
    7:53 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    What kind of person would write a post like this? Probably a jerk like Helen Keller.

  33. Saul S.
    8:27 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    31 – first off, it’s called feedback. Secondly, if i like it then don’t read it? Before you go off trying to make yourself feel better by wagging your finger at someone in the comments section, run your comments through some type of spell or grammar check. And by the way I was not overly negative and the word hate was never typed. Get off your high horse.

  34. Mike Jones!
    8:29 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    The dud posts are getting more common, but I’ll attribute it to being the offseason for news on the site.

  35. Bluegrass
    8:30 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Am I the only one that has no idea what I just read? So it’s good? It’s bad? I have no clue!!

  36. UK_JB
    8:38 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Screw you #31… You are the same person under a different name. I was typing on my phone okay? I don’t care about grammar. I guess everyone in KSR is so perfect like you are. Once again find something else better to do okay?! I know Louisville doesn’t have a site like this. Maybe one day.

    Want to be more of a jerk? Tweet me here

  37. UK_JB
    8:39 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Sorry… #33

  38. Leonardo de Hamiltino
    8:54 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    I enjoyed this article because it was gooood. I miss Al Purnell commercials. I miss Purnell’s Old Folk’s Sausage. It is the best, cause its goooooddd. The Purnell’s are goooood Kentucky fans too. Please support their fine sausage products.

  39. UK_JB
    8:55 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    You can get their sausage at DQ 😉

  40. Sausage Afficinado
    9:24 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Boone’s Butcher Shop has the best sausage around!!!

  41. MtnCat
    9:36 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Good Post. Enjoyed it

  42. FatBlueKid
    9:40 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink


  43. Lane
    10:31 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hey, I’m on here and listen to the show on a daily basis and just wanted to say thanks for giving my family some love. Al Purnell is my great uncle, his oldest brother, the late Fred Purnell Jr, was my granddad. He owned Purnell’s until the earlier 1980’s and sold it to his two younger brothers, Al and Bob. Its still a family oriented business, two of brothers work there. They’ve been proud UK sponsors for decades and will always support BBN! Again, great post and it’s nice to see that people enjoy and support my family.

  44. Haters gonna hate
    11:10 pm May 9, 2013 Permalink

    This was good – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. A nice read on a slow day, and it addresses a real problem with the SEC network in a ridiculous manner. This stuff belongs on K-R-S.

  45. calfan2
    12:36 am May 10, 2013 Permalink

    Caywood, Joe B., Al, Momma, Soooo Gooodddd, listening to every play of the game on the radio when it wasn’t on any TV anywhere, when it was truly a gift to be able to get two tickets to game to be able to take your son into Rupp, …. AL fifty some years ago, all valuable memories we won’t forget, and the work to stay the best…