Several reliable sources have told me that the basketball team underwent a serious attitude adjustment this week. Tubby reportedly banned players from wearing anything bearing “Kentucky” during practice throughout the week. I’ve also been told to not be surprised if there is a slight uniform adjustment–the removal of last names on the jerseys. The athletic department, especially when pertaining to basketball, is notriously coy on behind the scenes information, but sources have me hopeful that we’ll see a revived ball club on Saturday. The future return of Morris can only generate momentum heading into what I think is the most important UK/UL showdown in quite a while. As for Morris, I’m just happy we all don’t have to feel like we’re reading a gossip column in People when we pick up the paper anymore:
This week on Turmoil Beach
Tubby: “Randolph! Where are you going?”
Morris: “To the NBA coach. I just…look, I want to test the waters.”
Tubby: “But Randolph, if you leave you’ll be abandoning everything we’ve built, everything we’ve dreamed about, your goals, your…heart.”
Morris: “Don’t turn this around on me. You knew what this was. Face it, I used you. My heart used to be with this program, but people fall out of love. Now my heart belongs to SFX. They appreciate me for who I am. Now if you’lll excuse me, I have waters to test.”
Tubby: “Fine! Go! You can’t even swim! One day, when you’re playing ball in Instanbul just to make rent, you’ll think about Kentucky and how much you miss us. And you know something, you won’t be welcome back!”
Speaking of Tubby, he’ll be appearing at Ceasar’s in Indiana with three other magicians all next week. No word on rather he’ll make more faxes vanish and reappear.
Kentucky Shame of the week:
Moe Williams. Moe, you were the one bright bulb on a christmas tree adorned in duds. The Bill Curry years were as painful as…well, Curry criticizing a play call during one of his broadcasts. But you Moe, you were peerless and proud. Moe and three teammates were charged with several misdemeanors for their supposed “lewd sexual behavior” on the Vikings “sex cruise” (the cruise was on the same water that Morris was testing strangely enough). Moe, Moe, Moe.