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Poof

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Ricky, I just don’t get it. You had a shot at redemption–again. A chance to whip yourself back into Heismann form and collect millions in compensation, all for playing a game; a game that you happen to be very good at. But no, you just couldn’t resist the need…the need for weed. You’ve basically thrown away nuggets of gold for nuggets of green. Your hunger for success is nothing more than a craving for Taco Bell, and the only touchdowns you’ll be scoring anytime soon will be on Madden, or worse, in Canada. Come on Ricky, we know you battle depression, but this type of lawlessness will not win sympathy votes. If you really want to make those millions in the NFL again, put down the bong man. There are plenty of other “outlets” available to you, just ask some of your one time colleagues, like Michael Irvin. He smoked crack, blew crack, and reveled with hookers, and all it got him was a spot in the Hall of Fame and a lucrative TV gig.

Aim higher, Ricky, and yes, pun intended. Weed is for frat boys, folk singers, and old people, not a pro football player. You think Shawne Merriman gets stoned? No, he just took steroids and look, all he got was a 4 game suspension. Aim higher Ricky. Aim as high as Chris Henry’s pistol when he was whipping it across someone’s face in Orlando, wearing his own jersey no-less. Unlike you, Henry is social, as evidence when he was busted drinking with underage girls in a Northern Kentucky hotel room. Sure, he’s suspended for half the season, but hey, at least he still has a team.

Get some friends and hang out. You can chill with Ray Lewis and his posse, although being an accomplice to murder might be too much for you at the moment. Baby steps, Ricky. How about a night on the Vegas strip with Pacman Jones and friends? I hear they like to smoke weed, and what’s better than $100 rain-drops at a strip club? Can you say “nothing?” Haven’t you ever heard of alcohol, Ricky? It’s legal, and it’s not only accepted, it’s tolerated. Guys like Brian Urlacher, Jared Allen, Steve McNair, and the aforementioned Henry should’ve told you this. All they did was drive under the influence, and only Allen and Henry face suspensions, but only because they’ve been busted more than twice. Maybe you just need a girlfriend. Then you could rough them up a little, like Bengals lineman Frostee Rucker, or Browns RB Rueben Droughns, who allegedly threw his girlfriend out of his moving car; both of which will be suiting up on opening day, unlike yourself. Do you like dogs? A phone call to Mike Vick might suffice. What about guns? Bears lineman Tank Johnson is currently sitting in a Chicago prison after police found an arsenal capable of warding off an entire fleet of actual Buccaneers in his home. Yeah, he’s in jail, and might face a suspension, but he still has a pro contract.

All I’m saying Ricky, is if you really want to get the attention of the NFL, marijuana is simply not going to cut it. I know Randy Moss admitted to smoking weed “only in the off-season,” but at least he weans when he knows he’s going to piss. Stupid, Ricky, stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous. Go get a prescription for Xanax and stop doing drugs. Stop saying you want to play if you can’t follow through. This is the NFL, not Bonarroo. If you really want to play football for the love and not for the money, then put down the spliff and pick up the weights…or the bottle, or the gun, or the crack.

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk