“Ok, so take a left on Poplar Ave. and that’ll take me into Fayetteville?”
Although quite ominous from the opening, Bobby Petrino’s abbreviated stint in the NFL comes as a surprise to some. Especially since he reportedly told Falcons owner Arthur Blank as early as yesterday that he indeed planned to return to the Club next season. What’s not surprising is the fact Petrino slithered over to Fayetteville on his way home from the game last night, agreeing to succeed Houston Nutt at Arkansas with the headset still atop his Falcons cap (probably). This from the man who got lost on the way to Louisville’s bowl game a couple seasons ago and somehow ended up in Auburn and probably Baton Rouge (damn MapQuest). He’s a snake, pure n’ simple. His loyalty is as deep as a Dusty Bonner hail mary, and everyone knows it. And yes, even the folks in Fayetteville who’re probably twittering with glee at their new Offensive Da Vinci.
What I want to know is, why would Arkansas take such a reputable, and financial risk on this sleaze ball? He lied to Louisville, he lied to the Falcons, and he will eventually lie to the Hogs. You honestly believe Petrino wants Fayetteville to be his last stop? Puh-lease. He’ll slime ball his way to a 10 win season then bolt for the sexiest job available…or not available, because I can honestly picture this guy slithering into the office of say, Tommy Bowden, sweeping all of his stuff off of his desk then pissing on it as he yells, “this is my team now you coat-tailin sonofabitch!” He’s that slimey. But this certainly isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time ethics are completely discarded in favor of grandiose hallucinations of the almighty W. Just ask Slick Nick Saban who parlayed habitual lying all the way to Football Mecca and a swimming pool full of coin where he swims backstroke. Good luck in Shreveport this year, Nick.
I understand that in today’s media meat market, where coaches are often forced to play their hand in front of a national audience, what’s said and what’s eventually done don’t always echo. But guys like Petrino, who’ve bolted prematurely on their contracts at nearly every job, will continue to do so. Why not? For $3mil a year, I’d probably lie too. I promise.
Ok, ethical procedures (lackthereof) aside, Petrino’s SEC-advent makes the richest collection of coaches one conference has ever seen, downright unfair. Basically, the SEC has traded Orgeron for Petrino, leaving quite the coaching catalog in the world’s premier amateur football league:
Tommy Tuberville (13-0 in ’04 good enough for me)
Les Miles (probable)
Best of the rest:
Mark Richt—2 time SEC champ
Bobby Petrino—Brought an Orange Bowl to Louisville
Rich Brooks—Pac10 legend/Hall o’ Famer
Houston Nutt—SEC West Champ
Sly Croom—National Coach of the Year candidate