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On life, love and leisure


Sup KSR? Big D to the O to the U then a G back up in this piece! Not gonna lie, when I wrote my first post a couple weeks ago about students at the ball games I was expecting to get chewed up and spit out by the comment trolls and handed the first ticket back to the message boards. But I must have really hit the nail on the head because they asked me to come back and drop another load of knowledge bombs and life lessons here on the BBN. Now, I’ve been asked to leave lots of times in my life but it’s been a while since I’ve been asked back anywhere, so thanks for the love.

Since there’s not much really goin’ on at the moment I thought I’d crank out a few thoughts and then see where things stand. It’s like I tell the pretty ladies walkin through campus, “hop on in the van and let daddy Doug take ya home. It’s cool, we’re classmates.”

First and foremost, happy to report Dougie Dougie Doug scored a 2.6 GPA for the Fall semester. Ok, so maybe it’s not the Dean’s List but it’s Doug’s List dammit and that’s the only list that counts (unless you’re waiting for an organ transplant, in which case I’m sorry and happy huntin’). All in all, not too shabby for an old guy trying to balance work, school, a possibly impending divorce and fiber myalgia. Life Lesson: give no F’s, get no F’s. 

Daddy Doug’s New Years Resolutions for 2014:

Work a little harder, shower a little less.

Complete my undergrad requirements and sign up for MBA school.

Make one million dollars.

Shrink the gut about two, maybe three notches. Anyone got a Bowflex for sale?

Stay up to date on my manscapin’. Got away from me at times in ’13, and that’s just unacceptable.

Take the high road more often. Wise man once said, it’s the road less traveled. Preach.

Make pot brownies. Haven’t done a batch since ‘88. Ladies love em.

Streamline my social medias. This is branding 101 folks. E-Harmony, Facebook, Craigslist, Christian Mingle, Farmers Only…just don’t have time for all of it anymore and trust me, if you want to crack into the upper echelon of the cyber dating scene, you’ve gotta really put in work. Cross the a’s and dot the t’s, if you know what I mean. Yahtzee! We still sayin that?

Get involved. Now that I know I’ll be back in school for the Spring I figure I might as well put my balls on a wall and go all-in. Between my invaluable life experiences and my van I figure I have a lot to offer this campus and community. Back in ’88 you’d have never caught me dead at a school-sponsored activity that didn’t involve one of the three B’s: boozin, bonin, basketballin. I know now of course how the world works and who calls the shots, and I know this Life Lesson: it doesn’t take change to change the world, it takes paper. Don’t shortchange yourself.

Patch things up with my kid brother. Man, he’s an idiot and possibly a meth addict and might be in jail, but he’s family and I just can’t quit on him no matter how much he stole from me and all those nasty things he said to my ex (he was right on about 75% of em, btw). Might try and take him to a ball game or somethin, though last time we talked right before the fallin’ out he said he was done with UK for good over the way it treated Billy Gillispie. Boys just off a little. In the head.

Make no excuses. Well, I should say make fewer excuses…which leads me to my next Life Lesson: Don’t write checks your ass can’t cash. And by ‘ass’ I mean ‘bank account’.

Hell, I gotta stop for the night folks. Just when I was findin my stride, I know. But there’s a bucket of beer down the street in need of a good home and there should also be a special lady in there waitin on me who, according to her profile, is “all wo’ out from pitchin’ hay and ready to roll in it.”  Hot dog.

Big Blue Regards,


Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

37 Comments for On life, love and leisure

  1. Real UK Fan
    8:43 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I got through the first few words of this post and realized there was nothing here worth reading. What a waste of time and effort. Maybe next time they won’t have you waste your time and energy.

    • ShagariObrzut
      8:49 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

      Funny, this is exactly what I thought as I read through your very comment.

  2. SCCat
    8:45 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I like it. Boozin, bonin, and basketballin…the first cousin of sneerin, hustling, and f’in [email protected] in the [email protected]#tter. Essentially a huge dose of mullitude. Hopefully you’ll work on the Kentucky waterfall as part of your spring semester course load.

  3. Finna_Go_HAM
    8:47 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz…… #SelfIndulgent #NotEvenGoodEnoughForFunkhouser #GetTylerBackFromVacation #ICantBelieveI’mMissingTweetBeatForThis

    • ShagariObrzut
      8:50 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

      The fact that you used the terms “finna” and “HAM” and you used 4 hashtags makes your opinion invalid.

    • Finna_Go_HAM
      9:00 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

      Hahaha. You’re funny. But the article still sucked.

  4. Brian
    8:58 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I thought this post was amusing, but being a UK site, it would be nice if it related to UK sports in some way.

    • ShagariObrzut
      9:06 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

      I agree. Sometimes I think they forget what people come here to read about.

      I would say that the posts about Louisville, tennis tournaments, and Cody Zeller (or just Indiana in general) can all stop now. Maybe I’m wrong, but do people actually come here to read about that stuff?

  5. fakinnomah
    9:05 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Doug, keep kickin life knowledge to these fools. This guy is like the anti-BTI. BTI tells us facts and stats and whats what, but Doug tells us how it is in the streets livin life. I like it and if you aren’t here for the most ridiculous manner possible then be gone (or wait for TT to come back from vacation :-0)

    • We Hang Banners
      1:53 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

      “Ladies love em.” Ha. I see you Doug.

  6. Ibleedblu
    9:12 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I liked it. There is only so much uk news that can come out in a day and Matt and Drew do a great job of making sure we get all of it. Not a bad filler between fball recruiting updates. Do you want them to speculate about what the basketball team had for dinner?

  7. Buckets
    9:13 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink


  8. Aaron Flener
    9:16 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    This comment section looks super familiar.

  9. Downtown Shown
    9:16 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Realize it’s down-time…….but really? Get this off of here….Big S to the H to O to the W and back to the N…..really?

  10. Jordan
    9:28 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    This post was entertaining and I laughed at a few parts… It’s a Thursday night and there’s no games this week, everyone calm down and get a life. Thanks Matt & Drew for giving us stuff to read when there’s no news. If you don’t like it, don’t read it? That’s a simple concept- don’t be the loser who says you stopped reading after a few words but wrote a three sentence comment. Happy New Year all, go Cats!

  11. BigBlueBoner
    9:35 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Hey, I’m bored tonight. Let’s go stomp some homeless people!

  12. Rick Roy
    9:49 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    First time was funny…should have ended there. Didn’t crack crack a smile

  13. Cody Gentry
    9:52 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I have a bow flex xlt for sale.

  14. Chase
    9:59 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Loved it. Every word.

  15. Mattcat71
    10:05 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Nice job Doug. Keep it up. You remind me of my cousin Marty.

  16. Daniel
    10:08 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    I really don’t understand the KSR comment section. You didn’t need more than the picture and the first paragraph to tell this wasn’t gonna be a breakdown of the pick and roll (unless you truly are an idiot). Many of us enjoy this kind of stuff. The writers obviously enjoy it too since they keep posting it. But your opinion matters the most for some reason? I mean, it’s free guys, why are you complaining?

    Go Cats.

  17. DOUGie fresh
    10:19 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    This is extremely illegible, illegitimate, and flat out inappropriate. As KSR authors you have to think about ALL of your audience members. Those members include the young and impressionable. Watch your mouth, and watch what comes out of it.

    • VinnyCent
      12:28 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

      Pot Brownie.

  18. ExpandoRod
    10:32 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Does anyone know if Wallace Bookstore sells condoms with UK logo and Nike Swoosh?

  19. I Understand
    10:37 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    “Fiber Myalgia?” Well, that explains the 2.6.

  20. Patrick_Wren
    11:07 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Thanks Dougo man…enjoyed your writing…. Hang in there and good luck with the spring semester. I hope you are striving for a useful major. You can do it mine Big Blue Brethren! Ignore all the Negative Nancies!

  21. GeneralJackD.Ripper
    11:57 pm January 2, 2014 Permalink

    Stop drinking, drugging & get a real job, old man……and while you’re at it, get you some Griffin or Kiwi & do something about all that nasty gray crap all over that scrunched up James Carville/ET-looking mug.

  22. Jack Schmidt
    1:32 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    Who is this dude? lol

  23. Dwight
    6:31 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    Absolutely hilarious. Make this guy a regular contributor to the site.

  24. Thomas Duffy
    7:32 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    Liked the first one better but this was still entertaining! Censor the post? NO WAY! It’s 2014 people – it’s a new generation. Pot speciffically, the shit is beginning to get formally accepted across the country… Keep Doug for an occasional post – it’s refreshing.

  25. Blue Elvis
    7:47 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    As usual, we see that KSR has more than it’s fair share of pricks and dicks. Keep bringin’ it Doug! Nice change of pace.

  26. [email protected]
    10:03 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    Hey John Dubya! You knocked it out of the park again! Clever, witty, gritty, spicy. It’s good, it’s entertaining and it’s free…

  27. hoptown
    10:18 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    Hilarious how many of you don’t realize that Doug isn’t real.

  28. Donny Baker
    10:25 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    You guys are stealing my stuff, man!

  29. JerryC
    10:47 am January 3, 2014 Permalink

    This guy is a keeper. Give BTI the boot and hire this guy, he’s actually funny.

  30. Allan Smoot
    3:42 pm January 3, 2014 Permalink

    This is a horrible post that has absolutely nothing to do with nothing. Just don’t post anything on here if you don’t have anything to share or talk about!

  31. Shane B
    10:55 pm January 3, 2014 Permalink

    People complaining this post didnt have anything to do with UK. So what, it was a good read. Keep it up!