Sup KSR? Big D to the O to the U then a G back up in this piece! Not gonna lie, when I wrote my first post a couple weeks ago about students at the ball games I was expecting to get chewed up and spit out by the comment trolls and handed the first ticket back to the message boards. But I must have really hit the nail on the head because they asked me to come back and drop another load of knowledge bombs and life lessons here on the BBN. Now, I’ve been asked to leave lots of times in my life but it’s been a while since I’ve been asked back anywhere, so thanks for the love.
Since there’s not much really goin’ on at the moment I thought I’d crank out a few thoughts and then see where things stand. It’s like I tell the pretty ladies walkin through campus, “hop on in the van and let daddy Doug take ya home. It’s cool, we’re classmates.”
First and foremost, happy to report Dougie Dougie Doug scored a 2.6 GPA for the Fall semester. Ok, so maybe it’s not the Dean’s List but it’s Doug’s List dammit and that’s the only list that counts (unless you’re waiting for an organ transplant, in which case I’m sorry and happy huntin’). All in all, not too shabby for an old guy trying to balance work, school, a possibly impending divorce and fiber myalgia. Life Lesson: give no F’s, get no F’s.
Daddy Doug’s New Years Resolutions for 2014:
Work a little harder, shower a little less.
Complete my undergrad requirements and sign up for MBA school.
Make one million dollars.
Shrink the gut about two, maybe three notches. Anyone got a Bowflex for sale?
Stay up to date on my manscapin’. Got away from me at times in ’13, and that’s just unacceptable.
Take the high road more often. Wise man once said, it’s the road less traveled. Preach.
Make pot brownies. Haven’t done a batch since ‘88. Ladies love em.
Streamline my social medias. This is branding 101 folks. E-Harmony, Facebook, Craigslist, Christian Mingle, Farmers Only…just don’t have time for all of it anymore and trust me, if you want to crack into the upper echelon of the cyber dating scene, you’ve gotta really put in work. Cross the a’s and dot the t’s, if you know what I mean. Yahtzee! We still sayin that?
Get involved. Now that I know I’ll be back in school for the Spring I figure I might as well put my balls on a wall and go all-in. Between my invaluable life experiences and my van I figure I have a lot to offer this campus and community. Back in ’88 you’d have never caught me dead at a school-sponsored activity that didn’t involve one of the three B’s: boozin, bonin, basketballin. I know now of course how the world works and who calls the shots, and I know this Life Lesson: it doesn’t take change to change the world, it takes paper. Don’t shortchange yourself.
Patch things up with my kid brother. Man, he’s an idiot and possibly a meth addict and might be in jail, but he’s family and I just can’t quit on him no matter how much he stole from me and all those nasty things he said to my ex (he was right on about 75% of em, btw). Might try and take him to a ball game or somethin, though last time we talked right before the fallin’ out he said he was done with UK for good over the way it treated Billy Gillispie. Boys just off a little. In the head.
Make no excuses. Well, I should say make fewer excuses…which leads me to my next Life Lesson: Don’t write checks your ass can’t cash. And by ‘ass’ I mean ‘bank account’.
Hell, I gotta stop for the night folks. Just when I was findin my stride, I know. But there’s a bucket of beer down the street in need of a good home and there should also be a special lady in there waitin on me who, according to her profile, is “all wo’ out from pitchin’ hay and ready to roll in it.” Hot dog.
Big Blue Regards,