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Now she has to get a job…

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Amongst frequent trips to Indy Car races, Darfuhr, Cannes, and the Himalayan foothills, Ashley Judd found time to complete her undergraduate coursework and became a member of the 2007 class of the University of Kentucky; which means, of course, I can now tell people I graduated college with Ashley Judd. Oh yes, this is going on my resume. Not to get all Pat Forde-ish on you, but this is huge. I mean I was excited to receive a diploma and complimentary UK paperweight and everything, but this is so much better. Now I have an “in,” a conversation ice-breaker other than “M-m-m-m-y name Intern. You pretty. I-I-I-like UK basketball too, and Morgan Freeman.” Instead, should our paths ever cross (which they won’t), and I have the necessary courage (which I won’t) I can now come with something more substantial, more exclusive, something like: “So Ash, how about this minimal job market, huh? I hear the ’06 grads got in at just the right time, but what are you gonna do? At least we don’t have to suffer through anymore of Dr. Smith’s boring lectures. Remember the magic marker? Oh, sorry Dario, inside joke. Anyway, thought you might want to sign my yearbook–I purposely left the crack open for you.” To which she’ll undoubtedly have me whisked away by security with my pants around my ankles, but only because she sees me as a threat to her marriage.

By stretching my degree into five years, a “victory lap” as I’ve heard it so eloquently stated, I was able to enjoy one final hurrah of collegiate tomfoolery: student tickets, shameless Tuesday night drunkenness, shameless, well, shameless everything. But now, my extra year of schooling hath bestowed upon me something so much better, so much sexier. For now I am forever connected to Ashley Judd; a classmate, a pal, and a confidant…thank you for being a friend, Ash.
See you at the reunion!!
…I mean, voyez-vous a la reunion!!

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk