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Now Hiring!

ncaa

Now Hiring: Chief Cool Officer (CCO)
NCAA Headquarters, Indianapolis

 

You don’t walk into a boardroom, you glide. When you speak, you’re wearing a bluetooth. And people listen. Your energy is infectious, your optimism, contagious. You’re a trendsetter. A jetsetter. An Irish Setter? You work hard, play hard, and think hard. Your Pandora is hot. You approach life like Ashton Kutcher. You approach greens like Matt Kuchar. Your all-time favorite president is Calvin Coolidge. You’re a real wildcard, you. When someone asks you for the time, you promptly respond “beer thirty.” You’re passionate about students and/or athletes, and you love you some bylaws. You own a car. You are not a (multiple) felon. Is your name Chad, by chance?

If this describes you, then you just may be the person we’re looking for. We’re here to talk, let’s talk, ok?

The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) has an immediate opening for the newly conceived executive-level position, Chief Cool Officer (CCO).

Look, the NCAA has been getting some bad press for a while now (it’s lonely up here on the mountaintop!) and though we appreciate the growing interest and enthusiasm for collegiate athletics, we want to get the word out that the NCAA is pretty darn cool, too.

Sure, we’re not perfect, but we strive to be. Have you seen our Pinterest page? We’re getting there.

 

Essential Duties and Responsibilities:

-Actively promote the NCAA’s coolness through various multimedia channels and communities.

-Develop and maintain relationships with key members of the media, NCAA institutions, and respective fanbases. Some cool-calling required.

-Develop and implement a cool communications and outreach plan.

-Dress for success. Vibe.

-Attend trade shows, athletic events, conferences, etc., and play things cool.

-Email blasts on the reg.

-Produce internal and external webinars, webisodes and webshops. Cool ones.

Minimum Qualifications:

-5-10 years of demonstrated cool. Ice-cold, preferred.

-Bachelor’s Degree (because nobody’s too cool for school).

-Knowledge of NCAA Athletics and NCAA bylaws.

-Sweet Jos. A. Bank threads.

-A fedora.

-Special consideration given to individuals with prior experience working in a totalitarian regime.

Company culture:

We take our work seriously, but not ourselves. Work hard, play hard. All that and a side of kettle chips. YOLO. We offer comprehensive benefits, paychecks, and ample opportunity for professional and personal growth. Here’s what a typical week at NCAA HQ’s looks like:

Manic Mondays. Like the hit song, only in real life. Leave your sanity at home, por favor!

Tailgate Tuesdays. Join us in the parking lot at lunchtime for a simulated collegiate tailgate experience. We’ll have non-alcoholic craft beers, sodas, Kenny Chesney’s Greatest Hits, bean bag tossing and grilled meats, available on a first come-first serve basis. Weather pending.

Whisper Wednesdays. Speak softly, carry a big stick!

Thirsty Thursdays. Come to work thirsty, stay thirsty, leave thirsty!

Freestyle Fridays. The NCAA is a strong proponent of individuality and encourages employees to be themselves at week’s end. Whether it’s rocking sneakers and jeans, chewing bubble gum, busting out the acoustic guitar in the breakroom or bringing your surfboard to work, this is your day to be you! No turbans or cats, please.

The NCAA is an EOE. Salary commensurate with experience. Must be a legal resident or know the Pledge of Allegiance. Must pass background check. Must put on a cone hat, ride a unicycle and pee in a little cup for the audience.

 

 

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

10 Comments for Now Hiring!



  1. cracka
    9:39 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    this could get ugly …



  2. shields eyes
    10:14 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    uh oh



  3. Rei
    10:21 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    awful



  4. Bobbum man
    10:22 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    Does this mean Hitachi is no longer hiring?



  5. rainman
    10:28 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    Anyone know where I can get some Teddy memorabilia?



  6. blueblue
    10:29 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    Hit the above link. Lots about Anthony Davis.



  7. Al/in/Indy
    10:56 pm August 8, 2013 Permalink

    Dub, you don’t know how close you are to the actual thing. My Son-in-law’s sister works there and they are actually in a panic that the NCAA could be just a mere memory.



  8. NotSatire
    8:39 am August 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hi, my name is Vladimir Putin. Am I too old? I have some cool pictures and I’m a real whiz at this totalitarian thing.



  9. uk3k_J
    1:38 pm August 9, 2013 Permalink

    Hey, just wondering about the job. The application asks if I have been terminated from a job and i was wondering if getting ousted by a military coup counts or if that is considered resigning?

    signed,
    Unemployed in the middle east