So I am back on the saturated soil of Lexington after an arduous weekend of beach beer-guzzling with heaps of bikini-clad coeds: It’s all downhill from here.
I was only able to catch the game in bits and pieces, but from what I saw Kentucky’s Achilles heel is still depth, or in this case, their lack-there-of. UK came out with, and apologies to Seinfeld, unbridled enthusiasm compared to Florida’s lethargic post UT/pre Bama state. After it looked like it was going to be another heartless butchering in the Swamp after Florida’s–whatever the hell that trick play was–the Cats quickly answered with a well executed drive that, from what I’ve seen, is probably the best series put together on this vaunted Florida defense all season. Unfortunately, the defense then showed why we still have mountains to climb in our trek for SEC respectability. After Florida’s Paris Hilton-easy score to close the half, you just sensed that old fashioned feeling of second half dread. And still, Kentucky bent but refused to break, although accumulating some bad breaks along the way. With an O-Line and defensive unit that were dog-tired and heavily out classed, Kentucky still managed to cling to respectability (and cover the spread) and further showcased the positive direction of the program.
Tim Tebow should be this good, after all, he was made to be a football player. No seriously. I really think he’s a mechanically engineered android programmed for football dominance. That explains why he was home-schooled for so long, he couldn’t be presented to the public until all of the wires were in place, allowing him to perform seemingly human like tasks such as laundry, and text messaging. Other pigskin Terminators include:
Andy Katzemoyer –this former Ohio St. LB specimen was a physical marvel…however, his creators definitely erred in the “A.I.” aspect, as his intelligence was just that, artificial.
Bo Jackson–An older model, but still the blueprint. Bo was programmed for two sports, and dominated both. Plus, he knew everything. It’s too bad they hadn’t yet developed reliable hip replacements.
Michael Vick–Come on, a QB with a rocket launcher and 4.2 wheels? At least the engineers humanized him enough by not installing aim, and making him susceptible to STD’s.
Ray Lewis —Concocted to hit hard, run fast, and dance like an idiot, Lewis remains one of the best LB’s in the NFL. And to think, he was almost recalled and destroyed after scientists feared that being an accomplice in a double murder might cost them their federal grant.
One of my favorite blogs, Everyday Should Be Saturday, is rooted in Gainesville, and has some hilarious post-game banter. My favorite quote: “If games ended at halftime, John L. Smith would be f—— Knute Rockne.” Enjoy.