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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Looking into the Crystal Ball

The hot gossip around town is the consequent “shake up” that might occur following this disapointing season. Well wonder no more. With the help of that really mannish, hideously-interesting pshychic lady that’s always on Montell Williams, I’ve unlocked the mystery. Here’s what we can expect:

Kentucky fans will have to endure yet another off-season marred by the uncertainty of a player’s eligibility status after Sophomore guard Ramel Bradley signs a 2 year/3 album contract with rap mogul Suge Knight. “We’re very pleased to welcome Smooth to the family,” Knight said in a taped interview from LA County Jail. “He was looking for an outlet that gave him the freedom to create, and do what Smooth do best. The album drops July 15th, buy it! Or I’ll personally take $15 from your house when you’re asleep.”
The album, “Fish Outta H2O” is Bradley’s maiden venture in the rap game. Bradley caught fans and teammates off guard when he revealed his intentions to test the “hip-hop waters” in his first single “Livin in Da Dawghouse” featuring the ever-ubiquitous Snoop Dogg.
“I don’t understand why everyone’s hatin’ on Smooth,” said Bradley, “I talked to Coach before I left and told him I was gonna sign with Suge, and all he did was stare at me. So I told him again, and he just stared some more.”
“I probably just wasn’t paying attention,” said the head coach when asked to clarify. “I was pretty exhausted after a recruiting trip I’d made the previous evening to the local YMCA. I’m vury, vury disappointed with this decision, but I’m pretty sure that in Smooth’s liner notes he says that he intends to return to school if the album flops. If only I could find the CD…”

Article written by Intern