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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

The way I see it

future

The year is 2022.

Facebook has gone offline and operates out of a singles bar in Fresno. Twitter is now owned by Google which is now owned by Wal-Mart which is owned by Tyler Perry. Brooklyn Hipsters have adopted donkeys as a primary mode of transport. It’s cheap, efficient, and vintage. P. Diddy returns to the rap game with the mega-hit, “I’ll Be Still Missin’ You,” and he won’t stop for he can’t. Thought you’d heard the last of Larry the Cable Guy? Welp, he’s back with the uproarious new tagline, “Eat-dem-beans.”

Finally fed up with ineffective partisan politics, We the People elect Biscuit, an 8 year old labrador and former Navy Seals operative from Wisconsin as POTUS. His approval rating is 78%. The economy is back baby, and so is the McRib. WE STILL HAVE PENNIES AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY. Sen. Matt Jones (D, KY) orchestrates a peace treaty between Israel and Palestine, only to reignite the fuse soon thereafter when he launches Jerusalem Hate Day. The Louisiana Bayou is now an adversarial autonomous state governed by the ruthless and cunning Duck Dynasty.

Well-dressed-dog

Dennis Rodman goes to Mars, and is reunited with his family. Kim Jong-un has taken a hiatus from his post and is touring the land promoting his new song and accompanying jig “Pyongyang Style” which is essentially a mash-up of the Macarena and Hokey Pokey and works audiences into a State-mandated frenzy.

Obesity is still an epidemic, but more cushion for the pushin’ (“eat-dem-beans”).

All of the Haydens, Jaydens, Caydens, Bellas, Ellas, and Stellas are grown up now and starting a new trend: naming babies after school supplies. Staypler, Crayon and Tablet currently top the list.

ESPN is running a promo for the newest 30 for 30: What if I told you a unibrow could unify a city?

Mike & Mike will have an update on Tebow, right after this…

The secada is back and louder than ever. No, not the insect, John Secada, on a comeback tour promoting his new album but sticking mostly to the classics. The Fast and the Furiously Fuel Efficient tops the box office for the 3rd week in a row, edging out the latest Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson bromedy, Grumpy Old Motorboatin’ Men. Haley Joel Osment is still curiously MIA.

The NBA is 60% UK. The Spurs roster is unchanged. The NFL is two hand touch (BELOW THE WAIST, of course) and Wrigley Field has become a training facility for Los Zetas.

Mired in lawsuits and scandals, the NCAA folds in 2019. Division I athletics are now governed by the brusquely named American Sports Syndication (ASS).

Four National Championships in the books, Coach Cal rode off into the sunset in 2018 and is now a successful color analyst, consultant, co-host of the Coach Cal and Pitino Show, and Sci-Fi novelist with two bestsellers, You People Are Crazy and I Can’t Coach You But I Can Transport You To Another Universe.

Billy Gillispie

Sober, contrite and now an aspiring country western singer/songwriter, Billy Gillispie returned to Rupp in 2021 as the ‘Y’, and met mostly with cheers by a forgiving if not sympathetic BBN. He then fell off the wagon and into the Merrick pool later in the evening.

Louisville fans have moved on from linebeards and are now trailblazing a new trend in manscaping, the fu-manhole. Meanwhile the Derby City itself is caught up in Louisville Lady Balls fever, defending WNBA champs. Karen Sypher, fresh out of the joint, opens a successful string of fast-casual restaurants called Table for Two.

As for KSR, I’ll keep within the spirit of the site and just say, stay tuned for big news on some exciting changes (and some special celebrity guests) coming to the blog very soon!

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

27 Comments for The way I see it



  1. dave
    8:29 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    much rather have this post than “matt elam is important recruit b/c, you know, hes from ky” post or the one chick with the complaining post about “the world” talking too much about iu-uk rivalry



  2. TrueBlueNoDoubt
    8:31 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    Very funny. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Much more enjoyable than comparing Makers Mark bottles.



  3. Very niice
    8:33 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    I enjoys reading this. I especially liked the part about the NCAA being abolished. Kinda makes you wish.



  4. ramrod
    8:37 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    I enjoyed this a great deal



  5. BlueD
    8:46 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    This article is completely foolish. Which is exactly the reason I love KSR! You hit the nail on the head with Hayden, Jayden, Ella and Bella. I pity the teachers that will have twelve of each in a single classroom.



  6. Jake from State Farm
    8:46 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    #8, now that is funny. Little brother still sucks, but that is funny.



  7. CATandMONKEY
    8:53 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    Sustained, GOOD writing??
    Tomlin has company.
    Nice piece Dubya.
    SMH….”Spurs roster is unchanged.” Hilarious



  8. grumpycat
    8:56 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    Enjoyed it completely. My girlfriend and I eye roll every time we see a name that rhymes with Jayden.



  9. Joe
    8:56 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    I got a kick out of it, nicely done.



  10. Parker
    8:59 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    This is old KSR! This is what I miss! People that don’t like it really should leave.



  11. Welcome,
    9:00 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    To KSR John Dubya, nicely done!



  12. ya boy
    9:01 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    ASS final four. That was funny.
    Sen. Matt Jones, never happen.
    Hey, Duck Dynasty, hey jack that might work.
    Table For Two, funny stuff!



  13. Sherman
    9:18 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    I love pennies.



  14. Mike Honcho
    9:29 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    Who’s the new guy? Nice piece of writing Dubya.



  15. Roy Combs
    9:49 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    I hope I am around in 2022 to see how many of these John gets right, lol!



  16. Hilarious
    10:50 pm June 6, 2013 Permalink

    Awesome post!



  17. Al's IndiCats
    12:01 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Couldn’t agree more 5)nicely written, with a turn at every sentence. Especially the Sypher and the ASS mention…Good One Dubya



  18. Trevathan
    12:55 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Nice post, Intern. Old school KSR



  19. Rae
    1:00 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Four more NC’s or four altogether for him? That’s the difference between tying UCLA and surpassing them. If Cal got us to 11 you better believe he’d stay for 12.

    I could actually see Cal and Pitino having their own show, if Pitino lives that long.

    And we’ll still be waiting on the site redesign.



  20. Al's IndiCats
    1:22 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Relax 19, the designer of the new and improved KSR is still recovering from being stuck in a sewer pipe in China!



  21. Cats2013
    1:29 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Lol the “spurs roster is unchanged” is the funniest part of the post, overall HILARIOUS. And will Tim and Manu and tony maybe be coaching along side Pop when they retire?



  22. RahRah
    8:23 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Haha, good stuff!



  23. best pool float
    8:49 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Woah this weblog is excellent i like reading your articles. Stay up the great paintings! You know, lots of people are looking around for this info, you can aid them greatly.



  24. Wampus
    9:01 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    I’m going to work on “Pyongyang Style”(tm) right now. Got to stay ahead of the curve.



  25. SNE
    9:41 am June 7, 2013 Permalink

    Nice work, Wilkersonlyson



  26. jdh
    1:12 pm June 7, 2013 Permalink

    This is what I love to see on a slow news day.



  27. Devin the Dude
    6:31 pm June 7, 2013 Permalink

    By far the funniest thing I have read in a while! Thanks