Thanks for your patience, dear readers. Finally landed at the Louisville airport, which naturally, I hate. I’m not sure if I can properly convey my dislike for the red and black beyond what I’ve stated before. After all, waking up in the morning (yes, hungover from hypnotic) staring into the mirror and seeing the reflection of a Louisville fan chubbily looking back is punishment enough. Really, the gigs over Card fans. Petrino is now in the SEC, your bball coach kills babies and blames you for it, your football coach is pleasantly awful and your AD is too proud to fire either one. But, to each his own.
Anyway, it’s no secret that the Louisville athletic dept. is weilds a notoriously heavy hand. Cross TJ at your own risk, seems to be the mantra. So I thought I’d hop in the KSR time machine and give you readers a snippet into the future of Louisville media.
Kragthorpe Receives Vote of Confidence from Jurich
Louisville, KY–Despite finishing 5-7, Louisville AD Tom Jurich vowed he would not be looking for another football coach anytime soon. Jurich delivered his thoughts in a hand written press release personally to the newspaper this afternoon, and looked incredibly tanned and dapper. continued on C5
Should Kragthorpe be retained as head coach?
- L-if I know
Pitino Lashes out at Local Media
Claims crows feet were “photoshopped”
Louisville, Ky–University of Louisville men’s basketball coach Rich Pitino and AD Tom Jurich chastised members of the local media today for the continued use of a stock photo the coach claims captures his bad side. In a 1:00 press conference at Sun Tan City Athletic Center, Pitino put the incident in perspective. “It’s just hard for me to fathom,” Pitino stated, “that on a day where the History Channel is airing a documentary on 9/11, that we are snapping photographs that allegedly depict me to be a much older, weaker man.”
Continued on page A8
Cards Drop Another to Finish 4-8, 2nd in Big East
Jurich likes the effort he saw, and so should we
Louisville, Ky–After enduring another roller coaster season cocked full of injuries and bad calls, the Cards dropped another one to Syracuse, 24-12, though the loss will not affect Louisville’s standings in the always difficult Big East. Head Coach Steve Kragthorpe thinks his team is on the brink of big things. Continued on C2
Jurich Declares Saturday, ‘Mock Turtle Day’ in Louisville
Athletic Czar says “mock it, or else.”
Louisville, Ky–Just a year after the football team switched their offense to the Power Mock-T…continued C6
Board Approves Name Change
Louisville, Ky–A one man board of trustees voted on Wednesday to officially change the name of the University of Louisville to Jurich University at Papa John’s House. The landmark decision comes…
Continued on Page C2
Stand Up Man
by: Pat Forde
It was 10 years ago today when it was revealed publicly that Rick Pitino and Karen Sypher, who would later reveal she was a terrorist, had an affair and some other small and insignificant details.
I think it’s time we pause.
And appreciate this man, this leader, this class act, Rick Pitino.
Imagine having to live the last years of your life with unthinkable insults hurled in your direction every time you step into an opposing gym.
Think about that. Then, think about the man 60 miles East, John Calipari. If rumors are true and even one of the 8 Final Fours Cal has had at Kentucky is revoked, then it’s time to hit Kentucky hard and their thankless, obese and unemployed fans can finally get a dose of reality.
And maybe Ashley Judd will return one of my emails!