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Cocks: A Brief History


couple of cocks

When I think about the tradition of South Carolina basketball, I, well, laugh initially, then I think about naked women, because that is what every man thinks about when there is nothing to be thought about at all (cue Tim Taylor grunt). Maybe an eventual recollection of BJ Mackie or Humpty-Hump Balkman will seep into the ol’ memory bank, but are quickly doused with additional laughter and visions of sugar plums.

If you’ve never been to Columbia, SC, good! You’ve won! Pat yourself on the back and move along. Even the most ardent of Rebel rousers would have to agree, Sherman’s torch was guided by the hand of God the day he set the city ablaze. It’s the Lexington Mall of the South, to bring it on home. Imagine a tangled web of backed up, pot-hole peppered highways, a few patches of grass, and a bunch of Church’s Chickens. Sure, the USC coeds certainly hold their own, but they are innocent in all of this, for now. Look what the place has done to the man we once knew as Ol Ball Coach, for cryin out loud. His mojo stopped working the second he entered the city limits. You really believe Michael Phelps is a recreational pot smoker? He was more than likely attempting to quell the depression associated with the decision to venture there in the first place. And he’s from Baltimore.


ahhhh, Columbia, SC, breathe it in, breathe it in

The Gamecock fanbase is a notoriously uninformed and hostile bunch, but they are zealous. It is rumored that when they capped off their back to back NIT titles in 2006, fans rioted on the streets for two whole days. It is also rumored that last Wednesday, Gamecock fans rioted on the streets for two whole days because, well, it was Wednesday. To be fair, if my beloved team had zero tradition and zero historical significance in either of the two main sports, I’d probably wax idiotic every time I opined on the matter as well.

So look for me on TV tonight. I’ll be perched up in the rafters, near the 1970 ACC Champions banner and the fleet of NIT accomplishment begging for victory, lest we need to give these Cocks another reason to riot. Oh wait, today is Wednesday.

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk