As it’s been ubiquitously illustrated on this blog, we know people. One of our favorites, the boisterous yet exceedingly insightful Dickie-V, was kind enough to recently sit down with me for a little ‘QnA’. This isn’t Vitale’s first visit with KSR, oh no. But after this one, we may just stick to the Doyel’s and Bilas’s of the world. Well, Bilas anyway.
Intern: Dick, it’s a pleasure to have you back here at KSR. We’ve…
Dick Vitale: Hey, let me just say this, are you ready?
In: Uh, yeah, I guess…
DV: Before it’s all said and done, before he jumps through that hoop on Senior Day in Rupp Arena, Derrick Jasper will be a star. A dynamite PTP’er.
In: Yeah Dick, that’s kind of what everybody’s been saying for a while now. Like, 3 weeks ago, actually.
DV: Oh I love it here at Kentucky Sports Radio. You guys post with so much passion, such heart. Hey, here’s a fact for you.
DV: Orlando Tubby Smith can flat out coach. You people in Lexington, the big blue faithful, you don’t appreciate all that he’s done, baby! I mean, give the guy a break! He’s one of the best coaches in America! What spoiled fans!
In: Seriously Dick, could you, for just one game, go the whole time without talking about how selfish and idiotic Kentucky fans are? It kind of gets back to important people, if you know what I mean.
DV: Can we talk about Coach K’s eyes?
In: What? No. That’s just weird.
DV: How about Tim Duncan and his pursuit of a degree? Can we talk about that?
In: That was in the nineties man. Let it go. Ok, back to the point…how do you see this season shaping out? Who are your final 4 picks?
DV: Well you have to start with…the number one team baby! Then, just go down the row, 1-4. That’s what I do every year!
In: Duke’s not in the top 4, you know that, right?
DV: Oh…Hey! You wanna know who isn’t getting much pub, much love on SportsCenter, much print in the press, is North Carolina. They are loaded baby! I think, that before it’s said and done, Roy Williams will find a way to get it done in Chapel Hill. Mark it down.
In: Sure Dick, I’m writing it down right now. Dick Vitale, North Carolina will “eventually” be good. Ok, you’re in the books.
DV: Hey! I know I’m supposed to talk about basketball, but can we talk some football, or what?! How about my Irish of Notre Dame! Brady Quinn is a phenom, how can they not get a shot at Ohio St?!
In: Dick, they suck, Notre Dame sucks. Jeez. Anyway…
DV: Is there anyone…
In: Sure, go ahead Dick…
DV: Is there anyone more of a class act, more of an ambassador, more of a passionate, supple, and very accommodating figure in the world of coaching today, than Michael Kryszewski. The guy can flat out coach. He gets the most out of his kids and prepares them for life, he’s a menace in bed and he genuinely loves the college game.
In: Wait, did you say Coach K is a mena…you know what, let’s just keep it moving. What do you expect from Kansas St. this season, and their much maligned coach Bob Huggins?
DV: When I was coaching for the Pistons, all one year of it, a friend of mine and a fellow coach once told me during a losing streak, “Dick, there are winners and there are winners. If you’re a loser, you’re in the wrong business.” That man was Robert Montgomery Knight! The General! The best in the game, a legend!
In: That makes little to no sense, but I’m not a coach, so I guess it’s over my head. Look, I’ve got to be honest, I really dread these interviews, and I’m mildly offended by your homoerotic affection towards Coach K. Let’s just call it a day, huh?
DV: FREEZE IT! I’m not done here coffee maker. Sit your ass down, get out your tape recorder, pen, paper, whatever the hell method you prefer, cross your legs, look interested, and finish this damned interview like a professional.
In: Wow, uh, I’m sorry Mr. Vitale. Of Course, let’s continue.
DV: And coffee maker, while we’re on the subject of demands, could you put on this Coach K mask and apply Coconut oil to your arms as you pump a basketball full of air?
In: What? No Dick…what? Man, you’re strange. Yeah, I think it’s time for me to go. Thanks Dick, good luck with your…whatever it is you need luck for.