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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Am I the only one having fun?

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Since everyone not named Billy D, Billy G, Ricky and Mitchy B is completely helpless in this saga, to quote the late great Ronnie VanZant, “all I can do is write about it.”

Speculation has it that there will be a new coach by week’s end, which will undoubtedly be a good thing in terms of blog writing, recruiting, blood pressure, and work production. However, it will also mark the end of a spectacle; an equal parts frustrating and entertaining circus of rumors, lies, and the downright silly. Admit it people, this no coach thing has been kind of fun, in a McCauley Culkin, the parents are out of town and the house is all yours, Home Alone kind of way. So as the days of bastardly glee near an end, I can’t help but reflect on all the post-Tubby amusement.

To Kill A ‘Darrell’ Bird
The Cats Pause’s Darrell Bird created a near nuclear winter when he speculated in an article last week that a deal might have been reached between Billy Donovan’s people and UK. Although Bird never stated this as fact, Lexington news station WLEX reported it anyway, leaving many in the Big Blue Nation atwitter with unfurled excitement…only to come to the eventual realization that this might’ve been a tad preemptive.

The new Lexicon of Lexington
The search for a coach has also popularized some fun new terms and phrases. Here are a few of my favorites:
“It’s a done deal”–If there were a book to be written about this whole yarn, this would be the title. Message boards are littered with this phrase, with reports from their “sources” that Billy D to UK was/is, you guessed it, a done deal. In celebration of this now household warble, here is a fun little game you can play aptly called “It’s a Done Deal.”

“Sources close to me”–Another ubiquitous phrase from the past few days, everyone in rumorville has a source. Maybe it’s a real estate guy, a catholic school teacher, an auto mechanic, or my personal favorite, a fire marshall, whatever the profession, it seems like the only person who does not have “sources” is me. But that’s probably just because I choose to not report “the guy who’s laying Billy Donovan’s new floor tile” as a source. Sorry Julio.

High School Cafeteria
Much like the days of styrofoam lunch trays, cliquish seating arrangements, and chocolate milk with your inedible food, message boards have been transformed into outlandish rumor mills. The highlights: Billy Donovan taking a few days off during Final Four preparation to go farm shopping in the Bluegrass…after driving into town in a Honda Accord, no less…Billy D stopping for a burger at a local Mickey D’s before heading back to Atlanta…Anything involving Mike D’Antoni…Rick Pitino begging Donovan to take the job…Rick Pitino begging Donovan to not take the job…Donovan’s wife doing some church shopping after going dress shopping at several of Lexington’s finest boutiques…Oh, how I will miss this. Poor Billy, he just won his second straight championship and all anyone wants to talk about is UK. If you’re out there Billy D, this is for you:
“Rumors” by Lindsay Lohan
I’m tired of rumors starting
I’m sick of being followed
I’m tired of people lying
Saying what they want about me
Why can’t they back up off me
Why can’t they let me live
I’m gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is

So I ask you, kind folks, what is your favorite/least favorite story from the past two weeks? Oh, and who is your source?

PS: look for Donovan to appear on tonight’s episode of “It’s a Done Deal or No Deal” on the WB at 9, hosted by Dave Coulier

Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk