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The more you know


As the buzzards ravaged the remainders of Johnny Football and journalists washed the blood from their sad, self-aggrandizing hands, Mark Stoops was matter-of-factly taking SEC Media Days to poundtown. One particular quote stood out to me, when asked by KSR’s intrepid Tyler Thompson about tempering performance expectations amid the current recruiting surge in this year of transition: “I think the educated fan knows where we’re at as a program, knows we have a lot of work to do.” Indeed, with arguably the toughest schedule in the nation greeting the first year coach, there’s potential for plenty of recruiting buzzkill, but as Stoops added, “I want the excitement…I want them to support the players we have on our team right now.” Kentucky fans are many things, loyal chief among them, and for the most part, I like to think we bring an educated approach to the table to compliment our heart embroidered sleeves. Still, we fight the battle of irrationality, misinformation, eternal pessimism and yes, the wave. So I put together a study guide of sorts to help our “developing” brethren graduate and make the leap to Educated Fan.

Read books. Yes folks, sometimes you have to step away from the screen and hike through the hills of literature. Real books with real paper and a bookmark with a tassel. I’d recommend Ashley Judd: Crying on the Inside or anything by Matt Christopher.

Speak in brevity. Don’t be the dufus at the tailgate who refers to fans as, “The Big Blue Nation.” You’ll be mocked, ostracized, accused of espionage, run over…just stick to BBN. Go Wildcats? No way mom, get outta here. Cats, or, Cayts for the advanced users. Others to work into your vocabulary: GBB (Go Big Blue), BBM (Big Blue Madness), DDM (Dribble Drive Motion, that mythical beast), UK2K (U Krazy 2 Krazy), KSR (Keep Shit Real).

Get a BBT (Big Blue Tattoo). Obvious, but it bears repeating. You can say in a thousand words how much you love the Cats, that’s great, how awesome, we’re not listening…or, pull up your shirt, turn around and show us that champ stamp. In fact, I’m getting a replica of Ron Mercer’s iconic ball + hoop as I write this. We all bleed blue, but Educated Fan bleeds FOR blue.

Quit your job. Work is piling up, your boss is breathing down your neck and it kind of tickles, and it seems like you never have time to think about the Harrison Twins. One inconvenience after another. Two words, folks: I quit. Regain your freedom and embed yourself on KSR. Who knows, you might just be on the fast track to Fan of the Day in want of Afternoon Notes. Bet that’s never happened at your job.

Keep things in perspective. There’s always next year’s national championship.

Win every argument.  A disagreement among rival fans is unavoidable, but defeat is anything but. Your team sucks (it’s true, they do). We got 8. GBB. (Really hammer that last line home. Make it reverberate into next week.)

Listen to classical music. Studies show it’s a sure fire learning aid. Hootie & the Blowfish’s “Cracked Rearview” is a record you can let play from start to finish and come out feeling like an Ivy League aristocrat. Just don’t listen during UK games, that’s Leach time, don’t be stupid.

Spread rumors. Now that you’re out of that pesky job and have more time for the Harrison Twins, it’s time to drop bombs. “I hear the Harrison Twins gonna be ineligible. Yep, it’s true. Hear from a good source.” Take it to the bank, put it on a deposit slip, hand it over to the teller and enjoy the look on their face when they realize you are a person whose got scoops. What we’d call in the biz, an Educated Fan.

Dance like nobody’s watching. 

Get out and see the world. Commit to attending two away games a year. Immerse yourself in foreign cultures, like Baton Rouge and Athens. Open up all senses and learn from the natives as you teach them bout Kentucky.

Dress the part. I realize there are some out there who may never be able to clear that last hurdle to educated fan, and frankly, that’s an indictment on society and an all around damned shame. I wish there was more I could do, but I am not a village. But hey, you can at least look the part. This one is easy: jerseys and jeans, people, jerseys and jeans. J&J.

Park in front of Coach Cal’s house and wait for him to come out so he can sign your 3 sign. Pretty self explanatory.

Ask questions. Specifically, on call-in shows. Some good ones to get you started: “Coach, are we gonna see more press this season?” Or, “Matt, what do you think is the key to victory tonight.” And always, always hang up and listen, lest you broadcast yourself as a BBS (Big Blue Simpleton).

Memorize the fight song. The least you can do. Just remember, “You don’t need an invitation, kick off your shoes and come on in.” A lot of people trip over that line or omit it altogether. Educated Fan sticks it every time.

Last but not least, Comment on KSR. It is here you will find the answers you’re looking for.


Article written by John Dubya

The Twitter: @Johnawilk

16 Comments for The more you know

  1. Matt Jones
    8:08 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Absolutely awesome

  2. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    8:33 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Good stuff! Although I will admit I had to look up aggrandizing. But I guess this post taught me that even though I’m a little uneducated that I can still be an educated Cayts fan.

  3. Tina Delgado is alive
    8:56 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    I really don’t think Sturdy Dan likes this John W fella. Don’t know for sure, just stating my opinion.

  4. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    9:12 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    @3 I didn’t get to see Sturdy Dan’s comment. But your comment is about as negative as you can be against ol John W before MJ lays the law down. He has some weird love affair with him.

  5. Matt Jones
    9:18 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    #4 It is a love affair with really creative, good writing…people who don’t get it, then criticize it. And we dont have time for that

  6. Al/in/Indy
    9:21 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    I would think the answer to……the part of asking…….what will it taken for us to win tonight? Duh score more points, Ya think?

  7. paintsville'sdairyqueen
    9:28 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Matt, I like him too and this one was as good as I’ve read. But not all of his posts are solid gold. I think sometimes your a little quick to lay the law down when he (John W) posts. I’ve seen worse comments get a pass on here when other people post.

  8. Matt Jones
    9:31 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    #7 I have no desire to allow anyone’s negativity stay up…if some slips through on other posts, it doesn’t mean I am going to allow it to stay on this one.

    I have no idea why people feel the need to complain about everything

  9. meh
    9:35 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    #5 – I suppose using so many lengthy words out of context is intended to distract from the authors lack of reverence for proper grammar – or is that the “creative” aspect you’re referring to?

    These posts would be better delivered without the author so obviously stretching his literary abilities; undue embellishment obfuscates the message of the post.

    Clearly, “Dubya” would rather be an educated fan than an educated writer.

  10. Seththomas
    10:03 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Solid gold. Dubya, think you can get a two-fer deal at the ink shop? Got some room on ole righty (aka the gunslinger) for a replica bogans panther. Phi alpha breh. Keep up them good writins

  11. CATandMONKEY
    10:12 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Great post. The writing has PERSONALITY and unlike # 9, that personality is NOT douchenozzle.
    Dubya, why do you and Matt insist on “Cayts” ? I have lived in the Bluegrass for 21 years, 7 of those in Lexington and never heard even the most hillbilly rube use the word Cayts. If I should hear it, I will have to assume the person is, without question, an uneducated fan.
    Dig the writing. There are four people on this site who can claim writer as a job title. Keep it up. Go CATS

  12. realme
    10:18 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Thanks I needed a good laugh.

  13. Season Never Ends
    10:32 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    I get why some folks just don’t truck with John Dubya’s writing style- it’s not the norm, but can’t y’all at least appreciate that a lot of readers actively look forward to it? Not every post has to be a clever photoshop of Pat Forde. I applaud any writer whose “voice” comes screaming out of their words. That’s why every Dubya post is gold, because only Dubya can write this way, dripping with sarcasm and slight contempt for non-ky fans. Maybe you just have to be writer to fully appreciate just how hard it is to do what he does. Keep the posts a-comin, W. This JoJa resident loves ’em.

  14. JerryTownBlotter
    11:06 pm July 18, 2013 Permalink

    Then isn’t this an indictment of our entire educational institutions in general?? I put it you Wilk. Isn’t this an indictment of our entire Big Blue society?? Well… You can do what you want to us but we won’t sit here and let you bad mouth The Educated Fan of The United States of America!! Gentlemen!

  15. Demarcus draper
    6:46 am July 19, 2013 Permalink

    My suit is fresh

  16. Tripp
    11:20 am July 19, 2013 Permalink

    meh, please don’t ever use the words ‘undue embellishment obfuscates,’ especially after just saying that someone else is stretching their literary abilities. At least he can ‘stretch his literary abilities’ while writing articles that thousand of people read. You are ‘stretching your literary abilities’ by commenting on his articles. Maybe you should ‘stretch your literary abilties’ by writing in your diary. But remember, don’t use too much ‘undue embellishment’ while writing it your diary. It will ‘obfuscate’ your messages to yourself.