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University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

In Two Days…

charlie-strong

In two days, the fair city of Lexington will once again be forced to tolerate the influx of Louisville’s elite as they blow into town, pockets flush thanks to the cornucopia of next day check cashing services Jefferson County has to offer. As is custom, 64 East will be littered with shell casings and roach clips as the Cards fans show up in a wagon train of I-Rocs with a sense of self worth so overinflated Ice-T will be taking it to the 2011 BET Awards. For 24 hours, UK will have to play host to its very own Cousin Eddie, hoping against hope that come Sunday morning there will still be some copper left in the dormitory air conditioners. That I can take; every family has a black sheep. What I can’t take is the misplaced confidence UL fans will once again drag into Commonwealth Stadium like Linus Van Pelt’s blanket.

Cards fans, what makes you think this year will be any different than the previous four? Is it because when your coach speaks he sounds like he is auditioning for the lead in “Miracle Worker”? With his charisma, Charles Strong makes Stephen Hawking sound like Tony Robbins. Whether it is interviews or press conferences, Chuck stumbles over his words like it’s a course on Wipeout. Even if he were the greatest tactician alive, he wouldn’t be able to communicate it to his players. I can just see a director of a Rally’s commercial pounding his head against a boom mic as Strong butchers his lines like a Boone’s ‘Pick 5’. A new hire that can diagram a play is of little use if he can’t diagram a sentence.

Beyond the coach, do you “Da Ville” fans realize you are starting a 5-foot-5, ginger walk-on at quarterback? If your quarterback had less stars, he would be heading the fall lineup on the CW. I challenge anyone to differentiate Opie’s rock skip in the opening credits of the Andy Griffith Show from Will Stein’s game film. Usually when something that little, red, and annoying pops up, the UofL cheerleaders have to refill their Valtrex scripts. I do like that the kid has heart. But so did Custer.

Last Friday, I reluctantly watched you all take on FIU in the showcase that was the Sunbelt Conference. The Bay of Pigs didn’t feature as many South Floridians running rampant as what I saw in your backfield that evening. Your offensive line has more gaping holes than Samantha Ryan. Nothing you’ve done in the last half decade leads me to think you have anything more to look forward to Saturday night other than getting tasered. The good news is that you won’t be holding the Governor’s Cup as that has metal and is a good conductor of electricity. (Calm down Cards fans, I know I just used the word “conductor” in a sentence in a way unrelated to a train. I know you’re fascinated with trains and love to sit in their shadows while you drink Canadian whiskey waiting for non-conference losses. Just unfurrow your brow and know that the word has multiple meanings.)

UK fans, I can’t wait to see you guys this weekend and “RISE”, or whatever the hell that means. UL fans, Catalina Inn doesn’t have a late checkout so you’ll need to be westbound no later than 11:00 am Sunday.

I hate Louisville. Go Cats.

Article written by Turkey Hunter

42 Comments for In Two Days…



  1. RockyMtnCat
    1:13 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    This post is a keeper.



  2. RUPPS_rhetoric
    1:13 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Phenomenal. Catalina Inn… Priceless!



  3. Blue in Arkansas
    1:15 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    nice Samantha Ryan reference! lol!



  4. Jonah Hex
    1:16 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    I would take Stein over what we have at QB any day. Besides, Custer was a p*ssy.



  5. Brad G
    1:17 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Good stuff. . .



  6. Epps2Shep
    1:18 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    “Caudinul fanz. Kush yer cavings at Rally’s”



  7. Jorts4Life
    1:20 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    And TH knocks it outta the park. Could’ve gone for a Becca Manns reference over Sam Ryan, but A+ nonetheless…



  8. Bucky Small Hooves
    1:20 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    The Turkey Hunter is the best. I wish he was on the site and the radio more often.



  9. madmardigan
    1:20 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Wow, Catalina Inn!!! Do you think someone should let the Card fans know that the Continental Inn has been torn down? Or would it be more fun to let them discover it on their own?



  10. Devon P
    1:24 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Simply brilliant!!!!!



  11. kywildcats7
    1:24 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    KABOOM!



  12. JPhelps
    1:24 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    I nearly sh** my pants! That was absolutely the most epic tirade I’ve read this year!



  13. LigginsIsMagic
    1:28 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!



  14. Raazoul
    1:30 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Turkey Hunter, Will you do my wedding toast? 🙂 And number 5, You’re as dumb as a UL fan… You’ll take Froto Baggins over Morgan Newton? His couple of wins in the SEC already makes him 10,000 times better than Stein. If you can see over the crack of your centers’ ASS, you are better than Stein.



  15. B-Rabbit
    1:36 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Bravo!
    Hate, hate, hate, hate!!!!



  16. wildcatfan11
    1:37 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    best ul hate day post ever. unbeatable



  17. Lycanthrope
    1:38 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Man, that piece was an intricately woven tale with more witty references than a BTI post has statistics. Great stuff Turkey Hunter! I would like to say in advance it would be nice to have a HATE INDIANA DAY for the upcoming basketball season too as I and many others hate them even more than Louisville. Finally did anyone see the name of their first basketball recruit to commit from the 2012 class? Priceless. http://www.insidethehall.com/2011/09/14/high-school-coach-says-peter-jurkin-back-at-full-strength/#disqus_thread



  18. Jimmy Buffett
    1:39 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Great. Tthe KSR writers are swinging from their heels today and the hits keep on coming for the Dirty Birds.



  19. The Sheriff Cooper
    1:39 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    KILLED IT!!!



  20. Silky Johnson
    1:40 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    #LouisvilleHateDay from the Turkey Hunter — he gets it.



  21. ZombieLibrarian
    1:56 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    We have an early leader in the clubhouse.

    This was priceless “The Bay of Pigs didn’t feature as many South Floridians running rampant as what I saw in your backfield that evening.”

    And props on namedropping the Catalina.



  22. bigbluebarton
    1:57 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Best post all day. The Turkey Hunter is GREAT! #LouisvilleHateDay



  23. wildcatgal
    2:11 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    This makes my top 10 list of funniest KSR posts ever.



  24. Stein>Newton
    2:19 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Since Stein is the center of these jokes lets give these bluenecks some stats. NEWTON 44.4 Completion percentage, 89.8 passer rating, 2 td vs 4 int. 105.5 yds per game.

    the 5’5″ Stein 62.7 completion percentage, 142 passer rating, 4 td vs 1 int, and has passed for 575 yds in 2 games. is this comparable? height matters alright keep up those original jokes



  25. CatsfaninFL
    2:30 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Ignorant Tard Fan (aka #24)

    Newton has started more than two games… he’s won games in the SEC (which is more than your team will ever do). He has brand new receivers this year that have killed him on dropped passes.

    Oh yah… and we have won 2 games. How’s that faired for you guys? Must suck livin’ as a little brother troll…



  26. Stein
    2:38 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    24 – Thank you for taking up for me. However the only stat that really matters is: Newtown 2 wins, Stein 1. Nice try, th, bruh! L yeah!



  27. MissinBoogie
    2:43 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Can we officially stop calling them ‘little brother’ now and call them either ‘little cousin’ or ‘cousin Eddie”? I’ve never called them little brother because I don’t want to be that close of a relative to them. They are that cousin you can’t stand but are forced to see at least twice a year.



  28. #louisvillehateday
    2:45 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    If we have learned anything from your programs elite rise to mediocrity it is that old english letters represent greatness…well that and a GED “in progress” on a resume.

    Your program has taken a meth like affect on a once great charasmatic coach. Who continues to cook up the latest batch of that awful stomach churning sore inducing goodness each October which ironically your fanbase cannot get enough of.

    City College has taught us that chivalry is not dead and has given the assist an entire new medical terminology. If there is someway to market a inspirational poster featuring Tim Sypher, Rick Pitino with a foreword by Pat Forde Tommy Jurich will find a way to sale it and and bundle for $9.99 with a precision beard trimmer and a season football pass.

    We laugh when a thirty five year old man wearing a flat bill in a shirt that he may later trip over flahses the international insignia for loser in our faces but really all he doin is juz letten uz know we haters and now we get that and thank you for educating us. LYeah!!

    #dontfeedwilliewilliamsaftermidnight

    Quit screaming at us to look at you. We see you. And you disgust us.

    GBB



  29. Chuck Norris
    2:51 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    24) You forgot to include Stein’s NCAA record 56 balls batted down at the line of scrimmage through 2 games…



  30. louisvilleby10
    2:53 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    miserable, i like the part about the conductor. the explanation was actually for you idiots, since you are the ones reading this garbage. nice cut downs on will stein, he is a college kid and even though he is 5’9 he has been able to complete more than 14 passes this season, charlie is a much better coach than joker, boy you got him good when you made fun of how he talks. thank you for making my day better, articles like this remind me of how dumb some of the cats fans can be. go buy another windbreaker



  31. Joe
    3:07 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    I enjoyed that thoroughly but do want to point out I’m a UK fan from Louisville and I do enjoy trains. Nothing wrong with that– loved the post!



  32. louisvilleby10justkidding
    3:15 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    30 – “the explanation was actually for you idiots, since you are the ones reading this garbage.”…looks to me like you’re reading this “garbage” too. But hey, your hypocrisy also brings about a bright side to you…a Louisville fan that can actually read. L yeah!



  33. KENTUCKY sports radio
    3:21 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    #30: Don’t you have something better to do than read AND comment on a blog about UK sports? Is reading about your own team really that terrible?



  34. Mike13w
    3:32 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Turkey, you’re the man!!!! One of my favorite all-time posts.



  35. girlwildcatfan
    3:45 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    The Catalina reference was priceless… Go Cats!!



  36. Pookie Jones
    4:03 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    I’m better than Stein and Newton! Gimme another shot Coach Joker!



  37. WildcatsOne
    4:11 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    I have read this five times, and have laughed so hard that I think I’m going to throw up. This needs to be sent as a letter to the editor of the Courier Journal. Hilarious.



  38. Juicy J
    4:29 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    Cousin Eddie & his lonely ‘Tards band of merry-bruhs have been sippin’ 2 much purple drank. All that sizzzzzurp must be must be makin em trippy mane.

    NEWSFLASH: Will Stein to pull double-duty on Saturday as he tops out the UofL cheerleaders pyramid at the half.



  39. JPhelps
    4:58 pm September 15, 2011 Permalink

    14 meant #4!



  40. micl
    12:27 am September 16, 2011 Permalink

    stupid



  41. Arms of Delk Legs of McCarty
    1:51 am September 16, 2011 Permalink

    Brilliant.



  42. CatFan
    9:05 am September 16, 2011 Permalink

    30 is talking about our windbreakers… he’s just mad he spent all his clothes money on crown royal and Newports