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The Truth About Gainesville and The University of Florida

Here’s the deal: the University of Florida isn’t what you’ve been led to believe. All these years you’ve imagined this pristine university with perfect weather and smokin’ hot girls walking around campus in tiny bikinis — it’s all lies. Lies, I tell you. Smoke and mirrors. We’ve all been duped.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the University of Florida is trash. Everything you thought you knew about Gainesville, forget about it. Let me tell you about the real University of Florida, the real Gainesville, and the real Gator fans…


First and foremost, Gainesville is full of rednecks.

And I can say that because I was born, raised, and still live in Kentucky, which is also full of rednecks. (Pot and kettle talkin’ here.) The podunk town of Gainesville doesn’t deserve to be in the Sunshine State with all of the beautiful places we timeshare throughout the year. It should be in Tennessee or West Virginia or, well, Kentucky. No, even better: it should be demolished and rebuilt as discounted long term parking for Disney World.

The people there will literally shit anywhere.

Just a couple weeks ago, a man was arrested for dropping a deuce on the front steps of a Gainesville church. An employee at a nearby parking garage saw the man and offered him toilet paper and a place to go, but he was all like, “Naw I’m good I’ll go right here on this church.”

When police arrived he was lying in a steaming pile of his own brand. True story.

Florida football and basketball led the nation in criminal activity from 2009-2014.

ESPN Outside The Lines discovered that 80 male basketball and football players at Florida were suspects in over 100 crimes from 2009 to 2014. The athletes never faced charges, had charges against them dropped or were not prosecuted 56 percent of the time in that span.

Former running back Chris Rainey, who rushed for over 100 yards against Kentucky in 2011, was named a suspect in five crimes alone. Of course, he only faced charges once because he was a Gator.

Speaking of Florida and criminal activity…

This guy.

No telling what his body count is. Real class act ya got there, Florida.

You can get sexually assaulted in broad daylight on a Sunday by another man.

A man named Phuc Kieu –yes, that’s really his name– tried to rape another man on a Sunday afternoon around this time last year. Kieu punched the man in the face and then pulled him into his vehicle, straddled him and attempted to undress him, according this news report.

Kieu, a licensed nail specialist, had been watching porn in his vehicle before the attack.

What the Phuc?

These young women aren’t real.

Again, as I mentioned before, the University of Florida wants you to think it has some of the hottest coeds in America. Don’t fall for it. Everyone in that picture is photoshopped beyond recognition. In fact, four of them have a penis.

We have it much better right here in Lexington.

Erin Andrews is kind of terrible.

I won’t elaborate, but she is. Just trust me on that one.

University professors are real creep shows.

A college professor at UF was caught secretly filming up the skirts of two of his students, using a camera pen on the unsuspecting females in his classroom. When caught, the professor told police he was “gathering information to prove she was not wearing undergarments.”

The camera pen contained several upskirt videos and other videos of females working in his laboratory and meeting in his office.

The fans play dirty.

For instance, this Gainesville Craigslist ad asks for women to “entrap Florida State football players” into punching them at a bar.

Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 6.42.19 PM

The fans play really dirty.

Back in the 90s, the SEC passed a rule prohibiting students from sitting behind the visiting team’s bench. The rule came after a complaint that Florida fans threw cups of urine on opposing players and staff. Phillip Fulmer’s wife was hit by one of the flying cups of piss, allegedly.

Anyone who has been to The Swamp in opposing colors has a story to tell about how they were mistreated.

Worst fan base in the SEC.

This is normal in Gainesville.

These creatures are everywhere.


You see, Gainesville isn’t what they sell us when we Google ‘Hot Florida fans.’ Most of those results come from Florida State anyway.

Gainesville is a waste dump. Simply put, Gainesville is the Starkville of Florida.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

43 Comments for The Truth About Gainesville and The University of Florida

  1. If I didn’t know he went to TCU I’d be sure that’s an out of shape Andy Dalton up top there.

  2. keith
    8:55 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    I been to every stadium in the SEC except for TEXAS AM. i have never encountered more white trash redneck people then in gainsville. also treated us worse then anyplace we been to

    • Gator
      8:35 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      If you’re going to call someone white trash, at least spell Gainesville correctly.In case you missed it, it’s in the title of the article.

    • Phuc Kieu
      10:17 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      And if you’re gonna talk about trash, use correct grammar. It’s than, not then, you inbred.

  3. Patrick_Wren
    9:24 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    Drew…..awesome post. Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in quite some time. You just may be on the cusp of your greatest work ever……”they will $hit anywhere!” EPIC! I’m still laughing…

  4. d_rob
    9:34 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    Drew…absolutely f’n legendary post 💯😈

  5. Mathlete
    9:47 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    Come on Drew, don’t be salty just because Erin Andrews won’t return your snaps.

    Seriously though, great post and totally true story, there’s no redeeming quality for Gainesville or Florida fans.

  6. Jon
    10:04 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    I know this is just a joke, but I don’t think we ever, ever, EVER. have a right to call anyone else redneck.

    • Rixter
      11:36 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

      And yet, he just did.

    • CardFan502
      12:23 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      In Louisville, we dont have rednecks like in your county. We don’t have that in our county. In Louisville, we do not have this phenomenon. I don’t know who’s told you we have it.

    • Delk for 3
      9:54 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      CardFan502 — Louisville has a plethora of rednecks and white trash. More so than Lexington. I know this as resident of Jefferson County for 36 years. Heck, just looking into the stands at a Louisville game makes it very apparent — white guys with mullets or shaved lines in their heads, jean shorts, and tons of tattoos.

  7. Shane J
    10:14 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    This article is true. I was raised in Middleburg 20 minutes from Gainesville. White trash and double wides dominate this town.

    • Phuc Kieu
      10:20 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      So you’re including yourself in this demographic? Typical undereducated answer

  8. Blue barber
    10:15 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    Really. This post is offensive, vulgar, classless and worthy of a U of L website. Perhaps a few journalism classes and check yourself into the nearest detox center. Do you realize young folks may be reading this trash? BBN encompasses all age groups goofball.

    • Captain Obvious
      10:19 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

      This ain’t the website for you, dear.

    • CATandMONKEY
      1:15 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      The internet has no age limits. Content is generally free. Your kids will be reading this and FAR worse, with or without your permission or knowledge.

    • cig107
      1:51 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      I think you’ve wondered into the wrong place…

    • You're an Idiot
      11:03 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      For the love of god this is not a journalistic publication. Drew Franklin is not a journalist. This is a kentucky sports blog where they are biased on purpose …. Because it’s not journalism. Don’t be an idiot

  9. Just saying
    11:20 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    I’m usually a glancer or headline reader…Not an entire post reader –but this one was epic and worth the time. Great job.

  10. Thenamerobdigity
    11:35 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

    I would hate to see what people say about Lexington.

    • Rixter
      11:38 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

      Don’t worry, your team will beat Sanford and Sons next week. Maybe.

    • Brian
      11:40 pm September 17, 2015 Permalink

      I know what Forbes says about it, and Business Insider, and Children’s Health Magazine… just to name a few. 😉

    • CATandMONKEY
      1:18 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      While Drew’s post is over the top, somewhat tongue-in-cheek and designed to rile people up, it is pretty funny. Gainesville really is pretty terrible. Seriously. See Brian’s post. Lexington is a pretty good town. Not as great as the citizens think it is but still pretty nice.

    • Delk for 3
      9:47 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      Lexington is one of the nicest looking, and cleanest towns I’ve ever seen. It’s people aren’t half bad either.

  11. Spurrier's Left Nut
    12:07 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Yep, can confirm. I was at the swamp in the early 90’s and the Cats were getting smoked. We left in the third quarter down by a ton and everyone was throwing crap at us as we left. Florida went straight to the bottom of my list after that day. Below the Vols and even the Cards. Classless trash.

    • Phuc Kieu
      10:31 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      Ya I would have a bad time and exaggerate my shitty experience too if my team was “getting smoked”

  12. Paul
    12:10 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Drew is a Gary Foxworth wannabe. lol

    • Help
      12:19 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      Who the hell is Gary Foxworth?

    • BluKudzu
      12:25 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      Isn’t Gary Foxworth the defensive line coach for the 0 and 3 little brothers?

  13. jwild
    12:31 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    “Erin Andrews is kind of terrible. I won’t elaborate, but she is. Just trust me on that one.” – True story. I’ve met her and she’s very unpleasant.

  14. Angus
    1:43 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Four have a p—- ? I am skeptical…

  15. DACats86
    8:19 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    May be meant as a spoof, but a great majority of this is absolutely true. Worst fanbase in the SEC, by far.

  16. Yoda
    8:57 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Yeah, I dunno about all that, Drew. Born and raised in KY, lived in FL for 2 years. The girls there – that I encountered – are actually ridiculously smoking hot. UK is right up there in many respects, but Florida has a ton of A-team talent. Some of the fans are definitely rednecks though, and Gainesville is kinda a dump.

    • theWilkman
      10:02 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      He wasn’t talking about the state as a whole, he was talking about Gainesville. And everything he said about Gainesville is accurate.

  17. Axe Cop
    9:09 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Did Aaron Hernandez get a forehead implant?

  18. TurdFerguson
    9:24 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Tailgating @ Commonwealth a few years back, two loud obnoxious Gator fans walk by being overly mouthy. So I yell to the pair (I may have had a drink or three), “you must be the dumbest, ugliest Florida fans I have ever seen.” His comeback: “you ain’t seen many Florida fans then”. I swear, true story.

  19. Bluegrassguy
    9:37 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Looks like we have our own version of Clay Travis

  20. Delk for 3
    9:41 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Keep up the good work Drew!

  21. Delk for 3
    9:43 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    Erin Andrews is not even hot. I’m sorry, but I don’t find her attractive at all. I can’t get by that schnoz

    • Phuc Kieu
      10:56 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

      That’s because people in Kentucky are only attracted to their cousins. So obviously Miss Andrews does not fit into your inbred family tree

  22. Mark
    10:24 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    So I’m late to the Erin Andrews thing…What’s the deal??

  23. JohnWallForHeisman
    11:16 am September 18, 2015 Permalink

    09-10 season (Tebow escorted by ambulance) I was participating in fan activities at a house on Waller. May recall the John Wall for Heisman banner up for that game. – Florida redneck lady walks by being very persistent with how stupid we were because John Wall plays basketball not football.

    We know this.

  24. Tom Blevins
    1:30 pm September 18, 2015 Permalink

    We do have some serious rednecks here in Kentucky, but I don’t believe I’ve ever met anyone from Kentucky that would disrespect a church like that. That man needs to seek God’s forgiveness, or else he will have to stand before HIm and give an account for it one day.