Times have changed since the Sheriff (thank you for your service) blessed the internet with “Being A Louisville Man” — one of the funniest things ever written, going all the way back to the invention of the English language.
But since the day “Being A Louisville Man” took the world by storm in October of 2015, our friends at Louisville have really cleaned up their acts. They’ve pressure-washed the mountains of sex fluids off the floors, walls and ceilings of their basketball facilities; they’ve gotten rid of all the thieves, crooks and conmen that once held offices in the athletic department; and all the sudden, the fan base seems to have found a moral compass, like one magically fell out of the sky and landed on their beaks this past Saturday.
So with the recent Extreme Makeover: Fan Base Edition, I think it’s time to revisit what it means to be a Louisville Man these days.
And who better to re-write the definition than me?
BEING A LOUISVILLE MAN
You heard it before, what it means to be a “Louisville Man.”
It’s being soft. A “Louisville Man” complains when his hand gesture is turned upside down and flaunted in his face. It’s being offended. It’s being triggered. It’s being a grown man, allegedly, but also being butt hurt when a rival fan base mocks the way he holds his thumb and index finger. It’s being mad online at all hours of the day, every day.
It is forgetting about the time Louisville’s own quarterback turned Miami’s ‘U’ hand signal upside down after a touchdown, down 22 on the road, not even a month ago.
It’s forgetting the time Rick Pitino gave the middle finger while leaving Rupp Arena for the final time.
A Louisville Man thinks the L’s down is “truly classless” — or at least one Louisville radio host/spray tan enthusiast does:
“Pretend you know how to win,” he says. Maybe pretend you know how a rivalry works.
A Louisville Man also complains about the postgame setup for his head football coach when literally every visiting locker room on the entire planet is just as bad, if not worse.
In fact, Louisville’s visiting locker room is much worse for Mark Stoops’ postgame press conferences. Also, why would anyone build a second media room for the visiting team? There isn’t one stadium in all of college football that does that.
But thank God the Sheriff was there to find a table for his coach.
It’s being a grown man and calling yourself Sheriff.
It’s giving up 517 rushing yards to a team that is incapable of throwing the football. It’s allowing that team to set a new school record for rushing yards in a single game.
It’s genuinely believing it would be a close game this year, and refusing to believe that anyone predicted Kentucky in a blowout.
this x 1,000.
of course I was wrong to pick UofL. and I'll own that on Monday.
but NO ONE… not even the biggest UK honks… saw this level of beatdown coming.
it was an anomaly. https://t.co/XzqByIQqt5
— Lachlan McLean (@LachTalk) November 30, 2019
For the record, I predicted Kentucky in a blowout and honestly wondered why everyone else thought otherwise. Did anyone watch Louisville’s defense this year? Did anyone watch ACC football this year?
It’s saying Kentucky fans are obsessed with Louisville without realizing that by responding to every little thing Kentucky fans do, you are obsessing over them. Again, it’s not knowing how a rivalry works.
It’s saying Kentucky fans have no class, but also wishing Lynn Bowden “snaps an ankle.”
Or wishing Bowden gets cancer, a real comment on the Louisville message board that has since been deleted.
It’s being so weak, even your own coach whined after the game.
It’s complaining about L’s down but not complaining about your team’s lack of physicality or the game plan your new coach drew up.
It’s not taking your ass-kicking like a man and moving on.
That’s the new Louisville Man.
And to be honest, it’s a little sad.