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The Natives I Do NOT Want to See in Gainesville

For the first time I will watch a football game in The Swamp.  Although I’ve ventured to the Sunshine State many times before for various vacations, this trip to Gainesville will be unlike any trip before.

There will be pictures, posts and periscopes (@RoushKSR), but what makes traveling the SEC so great are meeting the fantastic fans.  From Athens to Baton Rouge, I’ve met some wonderful people.  Ahead of this trip, I was told not to get my hopes up.  “Unfriendly” was the alternative to “awful.”  I’ve heard about some of these awful people.  Here are the worst of the worst.

Vladimir Putin

Not to be confused with Donald Trump’s Russian BFF, this Vladimir Putin was arrested at a West Palm Beach Publix for trespassing, resisting arrest and obstruction of justice.

The Bubble Man

Reza Baluchi is known to many in Jacksonville as the “Bubble Man.”  The name is derived from his strange homemade device that can only be described as a floating hamster ball.

Via Coast Guard

The Bubble Man has been stopped three times by the coast guard while he attempted to run his bubble all the way to Bermuda.  On the third attempt, he threatened to kill himself if they apprehended him again.  Luckily, he did not follow through.  He was detained and sent into a psychiatric unit.

No word on the status of the bubble.  I don’t want to meet the Bubble Man, but I wouldn’t mind going for a ride in his bubble.

Jaguars Woman

This is how I imagine most Florida women, especially those that cheer for the Jaguars.

A Poop-Slinging Robber

From my days of playing cops and robbers, usually the robbers weren’t so bad after all.  But none of those robbers (a.k.a. neighborhood friends) ever tried to throw poop at me to avoid capture.

After being detained for allegedly robbing a bank, Dravion Hamilton asked officials at the Lee County Sheriff’s Office if he could use the restroom.  Here’s what happened when he returned.

Deputies said he later emerged from the restroom covered in his own feces and threw it at them.  According to the report, Hampleton tried to kick and pull away from deputies while he was being escorted into the back of a patrol car.

This Wal-Mart Employee

A World Trade Center soda can display is best described as distasteful.  It’s been almost 15 years, but still, too soon.


Bruce Jenner

When Bruce became Caitlyn, it did not sit well with a local actor and bodyguard.  Mark Behar changed his name to Bruce Jenner to preserve its “heterosexual roots.”


It’s not because Gary Johnson doesn’t know where Aleppo is, it’s because of this guy.

People at Fast Food Restaurants

I was always told, “Nothing good ever happens after midnight.”  It should be slightly modified for Floridians to, “Nothing good ever happens at a fast food restaurant.”

One man was so upset from his experience at Checker’s, he felt the need to call 911.

Police say May complained, not only that the food was incorrect, but that the manager closed the drive-thru window on him, which “is insubordination.”

When officers arrived, May admitted that there was not an emergency, but he just wanted officers to have the manager correct his order. It should be noted that when officers arrived, more than half of May’s food was already consumed.

At a Krystal, one employee was arrested after beating his manager with frozen patties that wish they could be as good as White Castle.

Police said 29-year-old Russell Francis Gomez threw frozen hamburger patties at his boss, then started knocking over equipment and poured cooking oil on the floor when the manager tried to go to the office.

The “Headline of the Year” comes from an altercation at a Key West restaurant. screen-shot-2016-09-08-at-6-43-13-pm

Article written by Nick Roush

"Look upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole." @RoushKSR

24 Comments for The Natives I Do NOT Want to See in Gainesville

  1. StuckinLville
    7:54 pm September 8, 2016 Permalink

    Now i know Nick is a joke. More people lean towards libertarian than dem or rep because we are all sick of the corrupt ass govt spear headed by the two.

    • runningunnin.454
      10:45 pm September 8, 2016 Permalink

      Safe bet before the Johnson gaffe was all over the news today, 98% of the country didn’t know what or where Aleppo is.
      A blunder I couldn’t believe, when Clinton was asked her qualifications for commander-in-chief, she actually said with a straight face, “I have a lot of experience with intelligence briefings and classified information”. I would have laughed in her face, but it went over Matt Lauer’s head.

    • Blue In Miami
      7:24 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      the powers that be are getting nervous about gary johnson – a few months ago, his “gaffe” would have gone unmentioned, but now his popularity has forced their hand – marching orders issued to assassinate his reputation and character. it will back fire. there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

    • DelrayCat
      7:31 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      It better than that TRAITOR Donald J. Trump. The guy is more pro-Russia than America. It is really sad when a presidential candidate stoops so low to praise a dictator and disparage the men and women that fight on behalf of this country. If he wins, he will be impeached within a year.

    • runningunnin.454
      8:23 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      To be fair, Trump was not praising Putin; he was comparing a strong leader to a weak one, Obama.
      However, don’t worry delray, I am predicting Hillary Clinton will be elected…
      DELETER of the Free World.

    • Sentient Third Eye
      9:14 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      I lean libertarian myself, but it disturbs me that even Johnson is in favor huge government entitlement programs. That means he is NOT really a libertarian, else he would not support such things.

    • Cats or Die
      9:36 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      Probably because, oh I don’t know, he actually cares about poor people?

    • Sentient Third Eye
      9:38 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      Anyone who TRULY cares about poor people will abstain from raping them of dignity with “social programs” designed to keep them poor and helpless.

    • RealCatsFan
      9:46 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      I am voting for Johnson simply because I think it’s high time America takes a stand against the ridiculous two-party bickering and the rigging of the electoral process. I don’t agree with all of his positions, but I certainly don’t think he could screw things up any worse than the other two clowns, and it would make a nice statement to the other two parties that we are sick of their sh!t. I am registered as an Independent simply because I don’t always agree with everything along party lines. I think if more Americans abandoned the “my team against your team” mindset and actually thought for themselves, maybe we could get some people in there who really put the needs of the country ahead of their own desires.

      Hell, what am I thinking? That will never happen! Caffeine has not kicked in yet. 🙂

    • RealCatsFan
      9:53 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      STE, you make an interesting point. The social programs began back in the 60’s with genuinely good intentions of lifting up the poor in America, and I think to some degree, it is still needed. But you are on point that there is a lot of waste and corruption involved with it, and far too many people either game the system by claiming benefits that they don’t deserve, or stop trying to lift themselves up because it is easier to let the government do it for them. It has become a huge burden on our country.

      At the same time, I am disgusted by a lot of people at the other end of the spectrum – extremely wealthy people who speak out about the government “taking their money” through taxes. Yes, I hate seeing the government wasting money, but this country would come to a grinding halt if some level of taxation did not exist. Trying to dodge paying all taxes through loopholes is not being a great American, and there are a lot of very wealthy people who do just that. It is very likely that Trump is one of them, or I think we would have seen his tax returns a long time ago.

  2. Orlando Blue
    7:58 pm September 8, 2016 Permalink

    Don’t forget the serial pisser. True story from Gainesville a couple of years ago. Dude would walk up behind girls and whiz on them and run. I don’t think they caught him. Actually whizzed on a friend of my daughter as she was walking across campus late night going back to the dorm after a party.

    • RealCatsFan
      9:38 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      I guess that is better than the serial sh!tter. I think that guy was actually in the Lexington area – used to sneak up to cars at night and crap on them. Local police eventually picked up his scent and arrested him.

  3. huck
    2:53 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    Florida is a great place to watch a game. According to some of my SEC traveling friends – the best/ most fun place, of them all. Of course I was there to help things along for them. Keep in mind that most of the students here are(UF is kinda hard to get into) arrogant yanks, so if you play with them – expect loudmouth, entitled type idiots.

    There are places where native Floridians/crackers and alumni hang out…. well good luck finding them, but they are there and if you can find some, you will have a great time. Look close to the stadium.

    Im not a writer and this could use some more info, but its late and… don’t want to send UK idiots to mess up the game for the locals and alumni.

    and unless you want to crack some skulls… don’t mess with the loudmouth yanks/students

  4. ukfan377
    6:04 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    Nick must be a Pepsi fan because I see nothing wrong with the trade center display. You know what is distasteful? The fact that there will be some NFL players this Sunday, which is 9/11, taking a knee during the national anthem. That my friend is distasteful. God Bless America.

    • CrazyCayts
      9:05 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      Yeah I don’t see anything wrong with the Coke display? As a matter of fact I think it is quite neat! Just about anytime you see a display like that, they are using empty boxes and tape, not actual product. The only thing “distasteful” is Nick’s facial hair.

    • Melvit
      1:55 pm September 9, 2016 Permalink

      I came to the comment section to make this point too. I thought the display was well done. I think it’s a millennial thing.

  5. lexslamman
    8:00 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    The best thing about a 9/11 soda 12pack display is the opportunity it gives us shoppers to fling our carts into it in remembrance.

    • 3Goggles
      8:40 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

      Yes because mocking/reenacting one of our nations biggest tragedies is such an appropriate thing to do.

    • Melvit
      1:55 pm September 9, 2016 Permalink

      That display wasn’t mocking or reenacting 9/11.

  6. 3Goggles
    8:41 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    Ill actually go as far as to say that you are the trashiest person in this whole article, including the jaguar lady in the post.

  7. Sentient Third Eye
    9:17 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    I actually like that Coke display. Why is it in poor taste? Just because soft drinks are not important? Where do you draw that line, then? Why was it not disrespectful to make movies related to 9/11? Or songs? That was just meaningless entertainment. I think I even remember a 9/11 comic book with Spider-Man! Is it disrespectful for a comic book to address 9/11? Certainly a Coke display is no worse than these examples!

  8. kingave66
    10:03 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    Come on Roush…. Go to Deadspin and write if you want to spread PC Bro garbage.

    • UK Big Board Update
      11:32 am September 9, 2016 Permalink


  9. Realme
    10:10 am September 9, 2016 Permalink

    Thanks for setting up the show thread and the link to listen to the show, jerks.