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Patrick Towles: Hair That Gets Results

towles-hair

Patrick Towles was named the starting quarterback for your University of Kentucky Wildcats today, cementing his place as the team’s leader on the field, in the locker room, and in smooth, sleek, long-flowing hair. Towles’ official title as QB1 also gives him the Best Hair Award among starting SEC quarterbacks, an honor that will have him high on Pantene Pro-V draft boards next spring.

But before UK began fall camp, Towles faced a difficult decision: To keep the flow or to not keep the flow?

The hair is still flowing, for now, and we hope it stays that way. In fact, we would like to see the entire team adopt Towles’ wavy blonde ‘do.

Because you know what they say: Hair gets results.

And it’s time Kentucky football gets results.

 

Imagine Mark Stoops with Towles’ hair…

Stoops-towles

Or UK’s running backs…

rb-towles

Melvin Lewis…

melvin-towles

Matt Elam…

elam-towles2

Mitch Barnhart…

barnart-towles

President Eli Capilouto…

eli-towles

And UK’s lead recruiter, Vince Marrow… marrow-towles

Get to it, guys.

Article written by Drew Franklin

I can recite every line from Forrest Gump, blindfolded. Follow me on Twitter: @DrewFranklinKSR

37 Comments for Patrick Towles: Hair That Gets Results



  1. brandon
    8:19 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Powerful strong work



  2. BigBlueEd
    8:24 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Ole DownsBoyDrew



    • Hahaha!
      9:54 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      They love you, Drew. You must have done something they liked!



  3. TheDecker
    8:51 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Drew….hilarious man



  4. Clay Matthews III
    8:55 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Drew Franklin, I have never loved you more
    than I do right now. This was pure spliff.



  5. Hope67
    8:59 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Eli looks like Skip Bayless



  6. Leuther
    9:03 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Capiluto is a liberal. I’ve seen more class in a cockroach….



    • CollegeGrad
      9:07 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Isn’t it funny how the most educated people in the country are the most liberal. Maybe it has something to do with having a better sense of what is right for the people of this country and not being sucked into the nonsense the conservatives dish out to the uneducated back-water people of the bible belt and the cow wranglers out west…just sayin.



    • Leuther
      9:10 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Fox News is the truth!!



    • Think About It
      9:17 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Not all Conservatives are racist, but all racists are Conservatives.



    • Think About It?
      9:28 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Al Sharpton is by every sense of the word, a racist.



    • Think About It
      9:32 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Re-read the comment – sloooowlyyyyy.

      Not all Conservatives are racist, but all racists are Conservatives.

      Not all liberals are racist, but not all racists are liberals.



    • Leuther
      10:14 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      #RightPower



    • SomeSni
      11:18 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      Bahahaha. College educated. You are funny man. I bet you actually think you are smart too?! Does your mom have one of those honor roll stickers on her car? Haha. Let me guess, did you study something useless like business or English? Every doctor I know is a conservative. It’s the types that never leave the college campus, become professors, or just study useless material and consider themselves smart are the liberal ones.
      Fun fact: wanna talk racist? The KKK was actually started by the Democratic Party. Look it up. Learn a bit of history kids.



    • Ha!
      12:04 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

      Everybody was racist back then. Nice try though.



    • Seriously though
      7:53 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

      It must be so hard to be so smart and live amongst so many common folk.. I’m proud of you and your education and will only dream about how life is atop your mountain of genius.



    • OMGhistoryLOL
      9:37 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

      Yes, the KKK was started by democrats… However, somewhere between the Civil War and FDR’s presidency, the parties gradually flipped their stances. The democrats back in the 1860’s were all about small government (as modern day republicans are), and republicans took the stance that we see modern day democrats using today. Most think that it happened when William Jennings Bryan, a democrat who advocated large government, ran for the presidency at the turn of the century. A little history for ya. Those who started the KKK probably would be republicans in today’s political climate. Nice try, though.



    • NICE TRY BUT WRONG
      11:06 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

      It’s funny to see you using old cliche lies spread y the Democratic Party themselves to try to cover their dirty racist tracks. The only thing that proves is that you don’t have a brain and just listen to what you are told. The parties never “flipped”, of course over time there were stances that changed on certain subjects but the bulk of each party remained the same. There was no major overhaul that made them switch places. The Democratic Party started the KKK, and that is the same Democratic Party we have today. Deal with it. Fun fact: many long serving democratic senators were actually openly active members in the KKK up until the 70’s and 80’s. The longest filibuster of all time was by the democrats to stop the civil rights act from passing… That was just in the 60’s man! We aren’t talking the civil war here. And on that note, it is democrats still being the overtly racist ones today. While republicans want to treat everyone equal and live in a society where everyone works for what they have equally, democrats just want to give away things with affirmative action and welfare which A) hurts our economy and B) makes large populations of our society lazy an dependent and then That section will continue to vote for the party giving them the most freebies, it’s buying votes buddy.. Democrats have been doing it for years



  7. Radmankd
    9:10 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Pics are hilarious. However, don’t like Towles long hair. When he removes his helmet during fan day practice to straighten his hair, it’s time to cut it. No distractions. All in.



    • Man
      9:11 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

      I hope you’re being sarcastic……….



    • Skeller03
      5:49 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

      Naw man. He’s totally serious. Better remove his fingernails so they don’t grow during the season either. Can’t let him get a hang nail! OUR SEASON IS RIDING ON THIS!



  8. Sylvar
    9:33 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    President Cap looks like Maury Povich with that hair. 🙂



  9. UKfaninLou
    9:59 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Strong work. Vince Morrow for the Win!



  10. Gowcats
    10:38 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Capilouto looks like Max Weinberg. This could be a good look for some of these people. Are we going to see a “hair off” between Towles and Robic with side by side photoshops? Something like vote for Elam with Towles’ or Robic’s hair?



  11. Mike
    11:31 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Time for a new Bowl Game – the Super Cuts Bowl



  12. Danny
    11:34 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Funniest post ever Drew. Thanks KSR.



  13. J-Dub421
    11:37 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    I laughed harder at this than I care to admit.



  14. Bluebros
    11:50 pm August 17, 2015 Permalink

    Classic stuff Drew! I needed that laugh 🙂



  15. Tom Selleck
    12:04 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Mitch could totally pull that off. No joke.



  16. Perfect Patterson
    1:15 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    I lost it at Capilouto



  17. Perfect Patterson
    1:28 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    My definitive top 3 posts in the KSR pantheon:
    1. Tomlin’s Tracy Is a Slut Chilly
    2. Tomlin’s Tent City Compact and Cozy
    3. Franklin’s Hair That Gets Results



  18. dsparklender
    5:51 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Capilouto looks a lot like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs



  19. Jb
    7:24 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Reminds me of “Sunshine” from Remember the Titans



  20. catty
    8:55 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Vince Marrow looks like he could be Jordan Peele’s dad



  21. so_True
    9:25 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Mitch looks like Patrick Swayze to me



  22. Greg
    10:36 am August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Senator Byrd a Democrat was a long-standing KKK member in the Democrats recent history explain that



  23. Roland
    12:37 pm August 18, 2015 Permalink

    Towles hair thing reminds me of this guy:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dC0DseCyYE