Monday was KSR Movie Day. Our Patriarch, Matt Jones, took in 6 picture shows in one day. I’m envious. We watched Collateral Beauty and Moana last weekend, both were excellent. So, that got me to thinking. What if we described the 2016 football season by using movie titles and plots?
Here are 6 games for your viewing/reading pleasure. Please remember to silence your cell phones:
Faces of Death Part 30
Kentucky vs. Florida Plot: A herd of Cats got off the bus; none returned as an angry pack of Gators devoured all 72 of the northern tourists.
Rated R, intended for mature audiences only. This movie contains violence and carnage depicting UK’s 30th consecutive loss to Florida.
Kentucky vs. New Mexico State Plot: The original star of the movie (Drew Barker) surprisingly departs the big screen early. Enter Stephen Johnson. Johnson delivers an award winning performance during his debut lead. A new sheriff was in town; a star’s in the making.
Star number two was played by true freshman Benny Snell. Snell transitioned from a little known character actor to a full fledge star as the rookie performer outperformed the entire SEC in the Wildcat’s 62-42 come from behind win.
*Snell went on to be named to 3 All American teams in the postseason.
Rated PG: Movie is suitable for most audiences. Minor cases of adult language are audible in the 1st half.
Kentucky vs. South Carolina Plot: Mark’s Revenge is a feel good, vengeful story of a coach who was under siege from unscrupulous media outlets as well as hoodwinked fans in a social media fueled thriller. This flick features Mark Stoops’ breakthrough win of 2016. The Cats snapped an disconcerting losing streak to Will Muschamp while extending a winning streak over the SEC surpassed Gamecocks.
Rated R: Intended for mature audiences only; contains strong language, adult hand gestures, and a group of extremely apologetic folks.
Movie left the audience hanging and short on satisfaction. Stoops remained classy in post-movie dialogue while polled audience members wanted to see a full on Youngstown beat-down.
Kentucky vs. Mississippi State Plot: A man and his teammates were all but down and out; again. But, Gus (played by Austin MacGinnis) saves the day and season by kicking a game winning field goal to beat the Bulldogs. Gus’s late second heroics ended an ugly 7 game losing streak to Dan Mullen and the Mississippi State Bulldogs.
Rated G: Suitable for all audiences, a true feel good story of redemption, perseverance, and unflinching.
Kentucky vs. Austin Peay Plot: “All we want is a bowl game” could be heard echoing across Kentucky in the preseason. A bowl game was all but delivered with only a victory over a bad Austin Peay team remaining. Coronation time?
Sadly, the Wildcat’s 6th win of the season took place in front of a crowd of 20,000 or less.
It was cold. Chance of rain. A 4:30 kick-time. Still mad about Southern Miss loss. Should have beaten Georiga. Heard em all; used some of the same excuses myself to be quite honest. But the truth of the matter remains; this team earned better attendance in its final home stand. The last CWS bleacher impression of 2016 was poor.
Commonwealth Stadium’s low-show trend kept trending as the Wildcats were all set to make history in several statistical categories that included:
— A 6th win and automatic bowl bid.
— Production of 2-1,000 yard rushers (Benny Snell and Boom Williams) for the first time in program history.
— Become only Power 5 football program to boast 2-1,000 rushers.
— Benny Snell breaking Moe Williams’s freshman rushing record.
— Upping a program’s best 5.5 yards per carry average.
— Oh yes, and to honor a senior class that flipped the script from 2-10 to a 6-5 with a pending win over Louisville awaiting.
This movie in non-rated; not enough viewers to garner a designation. 40,000 empty seats witnessed history that night. For the 20,000 that braved the cold; you’re the true MVP’s of the night and perhaps season. That’s all I have to say about that.
Along Came Stephen
Kentucky vs. Louisville Plot: Lamar Jackson fumbled; Stephen Johnson did not. The world tuned in to see the eventual Heisman Trophy winner put on a show but instead was treated to a courageous performance by Kentucky’s now beloved but then little-respected junior quarterback.
The Cats shocked the college football world by defeating the Evil Empire 41-38 off a last-second Austin MacGinnis field goal.
The Cats entered the Governor’s Cup as a 28-point underdog but don’t be fooled here; this was not a Rocky type production. I saw zero indicators of an upset. Kentucky dominated the line-of-scrimmage on both sides of the football and were the better team.
Rated R; the Evil Empire’s leader and most my UofL friends have a potty mouth.
6 movies in 1 day. See you in Jacksonville.