Skip to content

Kentucky Sports Radio

University of Kentucky Basketball, Football, and Recruiting news brought to you in the most ridiculous manner possible.

10 Things Mark Stoops Needs For His Birthday

Today is Mark Stoops’ 51st birthday, and with less than two months until kickoff vs. Central Michigan, I thought I’d celebrate by putting together a birthday wish list for the upcoming season. Here are 10 things Stoops needs this year (and if he gets them all, I get total credit):

1. A win over Florida

Honestly, I almost listed this ten times because that’s how badly the program needs it. Florida’s 31-game winning streak is the longest in SEC Football history and the longest active winning streak in the country; it’s also downright embarrassing. Year after year, fans get their hopes up for just for the Gators to yank the football away like some cruel, reptilian Lucy. The number of close calls over the years makes the streak especially painful (THE PLAY CLOCK WAS AT ZERO!), and for Kentucky football to truly take the next step, it must be snapped.

Along those lines…

2. 11 Players on the Field

It helps!

3. A quick resolution to the quarterback battle

Someone wise once said that if you have two quarterbacks, you have none, which is why the faster this quarterback battle between Gunner Hoak and Terry Touchdown Wilson wraps up, the better. Allowing the two to compete through fall camp is smart, but if a leader emerges within the first few games, Stoops should do himself a favor and name a starter for the team to rally behind as the season goes on.

4. An injury-free season for Benny Snell

Thankfully, whichever quarterback Stoops chooses will have Benny Snell by his side. Snell is set up for a monster year, which, if all goes well, will be his last at Kentucky. In my totally unbiased opinion, Snell is the best running back in the SEC and, if possible, would put the entire team on his back to drag them to success. Without him, Kentucky would be a very, very different team, so here’s hoping for an injury-free season. I’m all for making him wear a bubble wrap suit between games.

5. A big in-state recruiting win

The 2019 recruiting class in the state of Kentucky may be one of the best ever, but UK’s lost several of the top prospects to bigger name schools. Stoops needs to snag one of these recruits to keep Kentucky a viable option for in-state talent. Frankfort running back Wandale Robinson is the player the staff covets the most, but they’ll have to fend off Alabama, Michigan, and Ohio State to get him. Here’s looking at you, Vince Marrow.

6. A victory at Neyland Stadium

Stoops got his first win over Tennessee last year in Lexington, one of the highlights of the season. The Vols ditched Butch Jones for Jon Gruden Mike Gundy Lane Kiffin David Cutcliffe Jeff Brohm Dave Doeren Jeremy Pruitt and are once again rebuilding, making this a prime opportunity to get a win at Neyland Stadium, something that’s only happened ten times in the history of the 113-game series.

7. Fewer distractions

After Marcus Walker’s arrest for drug trafficking, I think we can all agree that the last thing Stoops needs is more off-the-field noise.


8. Fewer trash cans on the sidelines

WATCH: Denzil Ware uses a Trash Can in Sideline Brawl with Louisville

That was definitely a low point.

9. Multiple first round NFL Draft picks

Kentucky’s only had multiple first round draft picks one time in program history (Warren Bryant and Randy Burke in 1977). With Josh Allen, Mike Edwards and CJ Conrad returning for their senior seasons and Benny Snell expected to go pro after this year, Kentucky’s chances of having one or more players drafted in the early rounds is the best it’s been in years. The fact that the draft is taking place in nearby Nashville is an added bonus.

10. Another bowl game

With less ref drama, please.


Article written by Mrs. Tyler Thompson

No, I will not make you a sandwich, but you can follow me on Twitter @MrsTylerKSR or email me.

12 Comments for 10 Things Mark Stoops Needs For His Birthday

  1. JTHinton
    4:51 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    We need to either be playing in an elite or semi-elite bowl game, or winning the lower ones with relative ease. I get that northwestern was much better than music city bowl and that playing Georgia tech in the taxpayer bowl are two reasonable losses, but we can’t go to Nashville and end the season with a loss to, say, 7-win Indiana or 6 win Maryland

    • JTHinton
      4:52 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

      To be clear, I’m not mad about the two losses we’ve had in bowl games.

  2. Bluebloodtoo
    5:15 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    Maybe not kick our best player or in the first quarter of the bowl game next year? That probably falls under #10.

  3. cats646
    5:23 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    I can agree with all of these points.

  4. KYcats11
    6:31 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    In that picture, there are 11 players on the field unless I miscounted. But, I get the point.

  5. shelby
    7:00 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    I really don’t care if we beat the gators; they’re 50 yrs ahead of us in tradition. Go undefeated ooc, beat vandy, sc, msu. Whatever else happens is icing if u win. UofL is a must win imo. We cant own our state in recruiting if the tards continue to own us.

  6. unbridled
    7:49 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    Can one of the things he needs be a new job? Please!

  7. ukkatzfan
    8:17 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

    One thing he would love for one season is one full season of support from the fanbase and KSR. I know I would like that. Tired of the haters.

    • zoupman
      9:23 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

      Many of these things could and should happen. One thing that will not hsppen is a win over Fla. if it was going to happen it would have happened last year, we were the better team. I do think we could have a good season. Go Coach Stoops and staff.

    • unbridled
      11:52 pm July 9, 2018 Permalink

      You are right. The football cats will clearly win more games if everyone cheers louder. It’s our fault they are mediocre

  8. jzoneblue
    7:50 am July 10, 2018 Permalink

    it is not “if you have two quarterbacks, you have none,”,
    It is “if you have two quarterbacks, you don’t have one,”
    say it a few times, and think about it. it is really kind of clever.